Wear or Die

Wear or Die: Teen fashion

The world of teen fashion isn’t one that’s often address here at The Fashion Police because, let’s face it, it’s kind of a lawless land. We all know that teenagers wear – and occasionally even get away with – things that we adults just wouldn’t even consider trying on. Until now, that is. Before you are two pairs of pants, both from Hot Topic, and both ugly in their own unique ways. Will you go for the oversized flares, accessorised with strips of tartan, or would you prefer to keep it skinny,and wear your shoelaces where you can see them – all the way up your legs? The choice is yours, but remember, you must pick one of them –…

Wear or Die: 70s fashion

The words "70s" and "style" don’t really go together, but then again, neither did many of the items of clothing people chose to wear during that particular era, so we felt a journey back in time to the days of double denim and high waist pants was long overdue here at Wear or Die. Now, you may well think the outfiit on the right isn’t particularly 70s, or, indeed, particularly nasty, particularly if you happen to be a fan of high waists and braces. Perhaps the fact that we’re going to force you to wear the hairstyle shown, complete with yellow ribbons, will change your mind, or maybe the horrors of the denim ensemble on the left will still be…

Wear or Die: Prom dresses

After rounding up all of those ugly prom dresses yesterday, it occurred to us that while it’s all very well to show you ugly prom dresses, it would be even more fun to actually make you wear them. For this week’s Wear or Die, then, you shall go to the ball, Cinderella and your Fairy Godmother (The Fashion Police, naturally) has waved her magic wand and procured not one, but TWO dresses for you to wear! Which one’s it going to be then, Cinders? Will you go pink and floral or, er, pink, yellow, peach and floral? The choice is yours! (Thanks to Fashion Police Officer Vera for sending in these dresses!)

Wear or Die: Celebrity Edition- Melissa George or January Jones

Last week’s Wear or Die proved to be just a little bit too tricky, with most of you agreeing that actually, you really would rather die than wear either of those outfits, and to hell with the rules! We don’t blame you. This week, then, we’ve decided to be kind(er) and give you the choice of two outfits actually worn by real people this week. The two people in question are none other than Melissa George, who rocked up to the Salavtore Ferragamo 80th Anniversary party wearing her granny’s bedspread, and January Jones, whose strange mish-mash of a dress is very Wear or Die… You have to choose one of them, folks, so whose clothes will you be borrowing for…

Wear or Die: Covered up

We know from previous editions of Wear or Die that you’re not so keen on flashing the flesh – and we don’t really blame you. This week, then, we’ve decided to be kind to you and let you wear something that keeps you all covered up. Unfortunately, it’s what you’ll be covered up in that you might not like… On the right, we have a knitted jumpsuit by Cooperative Designs that’ll certainly keep you all warm and cosy in the unseasonably freezing weather we’ve been having lately. On the right, a little something from Comme des Garcon’s Spring 08 collection – and before you go thinking this is the easy option, know that this isn’t a real dress – it’s…

Wear or Die: Leggings or shell suit?

Ever opened your wardrobe and cried "I’ve nothing to wear"? Well, if you have, we just bet you’ve never meant it quite as much as you will today when you discover that, whoops, The Fashion Police have stolen all your clothes again, leaving you with just two choices – and what choices they are! Today, you see, your choice is between these fetching animal print metallic leggings (which, we regret to tell you, you must wear with the shoes pictured, and with nothing covering the crotch) and a shell suit. Yes, a shell suit. It’s either that or die, my friends, and given that dying is against the rules, you’re going to have to make a choice. Which will it…

Wear or Die: Wedding dresses

Congratulations! You’re getting married! Only maybe you won’t feel too much like celebrating once you take a look at what we have for you to wear… Yes, for your big day, that one time in your life when all eyes will be upon you, you’ll be wearing one of the two dresses shown above – and before you ask, no, you’re not allowed to take the scissors to them and do a little bit of snipping to make them slightly more palatable. You’re stuck with them as they are. Still, you can’t very well go nude (no, really, you can’t it’s against the rules), and you wouldn’t want to die on your wedding day, so it looks like you’re going…

Wear or Die: Footwear edition

It’s been a while since we ventured into the wonderful (and sometimes downright frightening) side of footwear for Wear or Die, and we thought it was about time we rectified that, so today we’re pitting Underground England’s pink platforms against Victoria’s Secret’s Moccasin boots. Yes, those are feathers. No, you cannot hide them under the legs of your trousers. Hee! Sadly, the boots are no longer available at the Victoria’s Secret website, but don’t go breakin’ your hearts over it, because you can try on a virtual pair right here at The Fashion Police by telling which of these pieces of footwear you’d choose to wear if you had to wear one of ’em – or die! The Rules 

Wear or Die: Clubwear Edition

It’s time to go clubbing, folks. Yay! But wait… what on earth are you going to wear? Well, worry not, your friendly Fashion Police have got that covered. We’ve been on a shopping spree to Great Glam and we picked you up the see through dress on the left and the "front wedgie" top (ouch!) on the right, which you may wear with the low-rise pants of your choice. Don’t worry, you can thank us later. Oh, there’s just one thing, though: if you don’t wear one of these two items, you die. Sorry, them’s the breaks. Tell us then: see through dress or front wedgie top – what’s it gonna be? [The Rules]

Wear or Die: Milan Fashion Week Edition

The Fashion Week train rumbles on this week, stopping in Milan, where we spotted these two outfits at the D&G show and couldn’t resist forcing y’all to either wear one of them… or die! Mwaa-ha-ha! Your choice this week is a straightforward one, gentle readers. You can either wear the dead carcass of one of the muppets (left), accessories with tartan tights and headscarf, or you can dress as a 70s reject (right), all paisley patterns and mustard yellow, and with someone’s old carpet on your legs. What’s it to be? Tell us in the comments… (The Rules)

Wear or Die: London Fashion Week Edition – space suit or sperm?

There’s no rest for The Fashion Police at London Fashion Week. Having just taken into custody a skirt made from thongs, we were called out again to deal with the two outfits above, namely Louise Goldin’s space-age jump suit (left) and this intriguing creation by Jean-Pierre Braganza, which looks to us like a giant sperm suit, albeit one with a with protective, furry coat. Rather than arrest these items, though, we decided to put them to good use, in Wear or Die. So, what’s it to be, folks: you have to wear either the space suit or the sperm suit – if you don’t wear one of them, you die. Which will you choose? The Rules | More Wear or…

Wear or Die: New York Fashion Week Edition

We’ve called this the "New York Fashion Week" edition of Wear or Die,but it would actually be more accurate to describe it as the "Bestsey Johnson edition" because it was Betsey, bless her, who brought both of these outfits to the New York runway earlier this week. Regular readers will already know the drill: you have to wear one of these outfits, in its entirety, or die. But what’s it going to be? Will you choose to wear the outfit on the left, comprising an 80s-style jumper (with gun print, no less!) worn with camel-toe inducing shiny leggings, or will you simply choose to dress up as Jodie Foster in Taxi Driver, in the outfit on the right? The choice…

Wear or Die: Thong jeans or animal print?

It’s time for another game of Wear or Die, and we’re feeling pretty mean today so let’s just say we’re glad it’s you and not us who has to make this particular choice. For today’s game we’ve delved back into our archives and come up with a pair of the famous "bikini pant jeans" which so turned our stomachs last year. We’ve put these up against this fabulous animal print cat suit (you don’t have to pull an expression like this model’s, but you get extra points if you do.) So, what’s it to be, folks: you have to wear one of these outfits or die – and if you’ve read the rules you’ll know that death is just not…

Wear or Die: Hammer Pants V. Crocs

It’s that time again, folks. "What time is that?" we hear you ask. Well, that’s up to you. It’s either Hammer Time, or it’s Crocs-time.  Yes, it’s time to play Wear or Die, and all we can say is, "rather you than us", because today you have a hard choice to make. You must either wear these neon pink Hammer Pants, found today on eBay, or you must wear a pair of pink Crocs Mammoth. (No, you may not wear the Crocs with super-long pants, to hide them.) You must wear one of these items… or die. So, which is it going to be? (The Rules)

Wear or Die: Chanel V. Balenciaga

You’re off out for the evening: you choose the venue, but make sure it’s a pretty swanky one, because for this night out, we’ve pulled out all the stops for you, getting hold of two designer outfits which you can have your pick of. There’s just one problem. The two outfits in question are this attractive denim ensemble from Chanel’s S/S 08 collection (which you may remember seeing on Keira Knightley earlier this week), and a dress from Balenciaga’s recent Resort collection which will make you look like a giant cartoon character. Oh, and there’s one other problem. You have to wear one of them – or die. So, which is it going to be? Wear or Die: The Rules

Wear or Die: Ugly Prom Dresses

  It’s Prom Time! Hooray! You’re so excited and you can’t wait to get all dressed up, but wait… when you open your closet, you find a catastrophe has occurred: it’s those pesky Fashion Police again – they’ve cleaned out your closet and left you with just two dresses to choose between, and, unfortunately for you, it’s the two dresses pictured above. You must wear one of them to the prom – or die. So, which will it be? Will you rock up as a Shiny Cinderella, in layers of blue metallic fabric (and lace!) or will you decide to go to the other extreme, and bare it all in this slutty pink design! The choice, dear readers, is yours!…

Wear or Die: American Apparel edition

Say you’re at the gym. You reach for your kit bag, but.. oh no! What’s this? Those pesky Fashion Police have swapped it for a bag of their own. A bag containing only American Apparel’s Lamé Suspender Swimsuit,  a pair of their metallic hot shorts, and a note. With trembling fingers, you open the note and read one single line: "Wear one of these items – or die! Mwaa ha ha!" The choice is yours: you can either take a dip in the swimsuit, or work out in the hotpants (which you may wear with a top of your choice – as long as it doesn’t cover the pants, natch.).  Which will it be?

Wear or Die: Cheap Monday jeans

Cheap Monday have been troubling us for some time now. From mom jeans to crazy, high waisted creations, they can be Fashion Criminals par excellence when they really put their minds to it – so much so that we’re soon going to be forced to create a Fashion Police Special Force just for them if they don’t pull their crotch socks up. But just say you had to wear a pair of Cheap Monday’s less aesthetically pleasing creations – or die. And, just to add to your dilemma, just say the only two pairs of Cheap Monday jeans available to you were the pairs shown above. Which would you choose? I have to say, the jeans on the left of…

Wear or Die, celebrity edition: Keyshia Cole v. Piper Perabo

Beige is back, apparently. Over the last few days we’ve seen celebrity after celebrity looking almost nude as they trip out onto the red carpet in the colour that really isn’t much of a colour at all. Now, I like beige. It can look great if worn well, or it can also look… well, it can also look like the outfits worn by Keyshia Cole and Piper Perabo, above. Now, maybe you like these outfits, maybe you don’t. My question to you though, is: if you had to wear one of these outfits, or die, which one would you choose? The "bra over t-shirt" look sported by Keyshia (no, that’s not what she’s really wearing – it just looks like…

Wear or Die: Irregular Choice shoes

Time for another game of Wear or Die, and this week we’re playing with two pairs of Irregular Choice shoes. IC, of course, are well known for their unconventional, shall we say, approach to footwear, and while I’d argue that there are one or two absolute gems in the collection, well, these two aren’t among them. Now, I dare say some of you are shuddering in horror at the very thought of wearing either of these shoes, but what if you HAD to wear a pair… or die? Which shoes would you pick: the scary skeleton shoes on the left of the picture or the "grandma’s gone mad in the sewing box again" ones on the right? Remember, the rules…