Ugly Swimsuits: The Shark Attack Suit

ugly swimsuits


Ugly swimsuits: Shark Attack!

This definitely isn’t the ugliest swimsuit we’ve ever arrested. No, THIS would be the ugliest swimsuit we’ve ever arrested:

topless bikiniOr certainly the strangest anyway, given that Victoria’s Secret were selling it as a “bikini”, and yet… it didn’t actually have a top half. Surely a bikini has to have a top, or it simply becomes “knickers”. Or, in this case, HALTER-NECK KNICKERS. Seriously, three years later, and we’re still not over it. Or, for that matter, this one:

ugly swimsuits


She’s all, “Yeah? SO? You wanna make something of it?” We’re far too scared of her to “make something of it” obviously, so we’ll simply point out that the bow is the only thing standing between her and asymmetric nudity. Which is… certainly different, let’s put it that way.

Anyway! In the context of some of the horrors that fill our jail, the swimsuit at the top of the page is definitely not the biggest crime. Even so, we need to know what that poor onepiece did that made the shark attack it. Because it HAS clearly been attacked by a cartoon shark, hasn’t it? One with gigantic, triangle teeth and a belly full of expensive fabric.

Either that or it’s a swimsuit from The Flinstones. Which could make it kind of cute. Sort of. Maybe.

Of all of the ugly items of clothing in our jail, though, ugly swimsuits are one of the ones we find most confusing. For most of us at least, it’s hard enough to feel good in swimwear, without adding a strange design into the mix: after all, they require so much more body confidence than regular clothes that the last thing many of us want is for everyone at the beach to be staring us down, trying to work out what the hell happened, and whether or not they should be calling for backup.

Of course, what we call ugly swimsuits, you may consider the cutest, most amazing item of clothing ever invented. If that’s the case, this will set you back $313 at you’ll find it at Shopbop.

Spotted some ugly swimsuits? Call the Fashion Police and let us arrest ’em!

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