Fashion Trends on Trial: Palazzo Pants

Palazzo pants: wide legged, loose-fit, soft fabric, crazy patterns… they’re like the pyjamas you can wear in public, aren’t they? (Wait, what are we saying here? Some of you wear ACTUAL pyjamas in public, don’t you? You can skip this post.) Of course, not ALL palazzo pants come with prints that scream “summer in Boca”. Some are in plain colours or ditsy florals, and if we wanted to play devil’s advocate (which we don’t, really, but what the hell) we could argue that the loose fit and flowy fabric makes them a good choice for a hot summer, and that, when paired with a floppy hat, they can create a vaguely 70s silhouette which is OMGONTREND. Or we could just say that,…

Style on Trial: Shorts with visible pockets

Ah, the visible pocket shorts! This is hardly a new thing: in fact, every time we look at these, or others like them, we’re reminded of our teenage years, in which we’d hack off the legs of a pair of jeans to turn them unto cutoffs, only to go a little too far, and end up with the pockets hanging out the legs, to say nothing off our butt cheeks. To actually create this look deliberately, though, by intentionally elongating the pockets on a pair of pre-made shorts… well, it’s like calling yourself “punk” and then buying all of your clothes artfully pre-ripped, isn’t it? And that’s exactly what’s happened here. In fact, the exaggerated length of these pockets gives…

The Manifesto Legging’s manifesto is to be arrested

This is The Manifesto Legging by Hellz Bellz. (Side note: why do so many brands refer to their products in the singular now? A legging. A jean. A shoe. Surely these are leggings, not “legging”? “Legging” sounds like something a plumber might do to pipes.) We can only assume the manifesto in question reads “get arrested by Fashion Police”. And we are more than happy to help out with that! Because, the thing is, people will wear these as pants, won’t they? These are just begging to be worn as pants. Fashion victims will hear their call and obey it. And then everyone will be walking around in suspender leggings – sorry, legging – and the Fashion Police jail won’t…

The Emperor’s New Bruno Pieters pants

You know, we’ve seen a lot of pairs of ridiculous shants in our time on the Fashion Police beat. But every time we see another pair – particularly a pair like the ones shown above – it still makes us want to do this: That’s why our electronics bill here at Fashion Police HQ is so high. And why we’re in therapy three times per week. These are an astonishing £291. The Emperor isn’t wearing any clothes. [Click here for the product page]

Double denim is perfectly OK by Alexander McQueen

For some time now, the fashion world has been desperately trying to convince us all that the Texas Tuxedo is not the fashion-faux pas it was once thought to be, but, instead, is an “edgy” and “bang on trend” way to demonstrate your fashionista status. The Fashion Police aren’t buying it. Literally, we mean. Seriously, the example above looks like something that man wore to fix our boiler last year. Happily, however, this is NOT actually an example of double-denim. It’s a jumpsuit, you see: it’s really just SINGLE denim made to LOOK like double-denim, in the form of a jacket attached to a coat. This, of course, means that we can get it on two counts at least –…

Night Fever: Ellery Ancien Regime Flare Pants

We challenge you to look at these Ellery flares, and NOT think of this: Can’t do it, can you? In fact, you’re probably also humming ‘Stayin’ Alive’ to yourself, aren’t you? Now, we know flares are currently in the midst of a comeback, thanks to the fashion world deciding that we’d had enough of the 50s, and it was time to revisit the 70s, but what do you think of them? More specifically, what do you think of ones that are so wide you could harbour an entire family under the shelter of one leg? You could make a wedding dress out of one of those legs, couldn’t you? Are you OK with that, or do you think it’s time…

Fashion Police Inmates Uniform, SS2011 edition

OK, little convict girl, we know you probably don’t want to show your face in this outfit – and we don’t blame you – buy we’re going to have to ask you to turn around so the nice Fashion Police detectives can see what you’re wearing: Yes, it’s as we thought: THIS, reminds us of…. THIS. Only… more humiliating. Would YOU want to walk around in public in skin tight, camel-toe-inducing lycra? You would? You will LOVE our new inmate uniforms, in that case! And if you have a spare $40 floating around, you can buy one for your very own. Click here to do it…

Modelling is Hard: Rag and Bone combat pants with knee holes

Modelling is hard. Seriously, you think it’s all glamour and fancy parties, but the reality is that it doesn’t even pay well enough for you to replace your pants when the knees wear out in them. And the, er, crotch of your pants. Still, at least you get to wear designer clothes, right? That makes it worth it? Right? RIGHT? (These are by Rag & Bone. Click here to buy them from Shopbop.)

Mirian Ocariz casual trousers

Miriam Ocariz trousers: the ultimate solution to knobbly knees

Are you ashamed of your knees? Self-conscious of their knobbly nature, or insecure about how saggy they are? Well, worry no more, because Miriam Ocariz has got your back… Yes, your knees are finally getting the attention they deserve. After years of push-up bras, tummy-tuck pants, and an array of shapewear to solve every body image issue from thigh to elbow, this vital joint is getting the attention it deserves at long last. These clever trousers will not only disguise the ugliest of knock-knees, but create the illusion that all their sagginess is, in fact caused by the cut of the trousers. So ingenius are they, that you needn’t even have ugly knees to begin with – even the most…

Dress Like a Toddler Trend: Stella McCartney’s pocket dungarees

This model broke our “Grown Women Shalt Not Dress Like Small Children”rule, so we’ve made her go stand in the corner to think about what she’s done. We caught her wearing these: Now, we find dungarees childlike even at the best of times, and unfortunately this incident confirms that not even being buck naked underneath that can make them look any more grown up: Of course, maybe you don’t WANT to be a grown up. (We don’t really either, to be honest.) Maybe you’d prefer to dress like a toddler long into adulthood and beyond, and if that’s the case then you should click here and buy these for £484. Definitely not child-friendly prices, anyway…

Wishful Thinking: Jen Kao ‘Mirage’ peplum shorts

 Isn’t it a bit cruel for these shorts to be described as “mirage”, when they’re not a mirage at all: they’re real. Can we arrest them under the misdescription act, do you think? Probably not. We bet we could get ’em on a charge of “looking like they have a couple of lace hankerchiefs attacked to them,” though. What do you think? These are by Jen Kao and are $1,595. Now we REALLY wish they were just a mirage…

Sestra Moja Annette silk crepe palazzo pants

The importance of choosing the correct top with your palazzo pants

Palazzo pants.  Gorgeous, wide, flowy, leg-lengthening trousers, right?  Well, yes, until you pair them with a long top: Way to half the length of your model’s legs, ASOS.  (She can’t quite believe it either – look at her face.) The moral of this tale?  Wear your top outside your palazzo pants at your peril! You can buy these Sestra Moja silk pants for £150 at ASOS.

Strange Shorts: Thakoon paper bag shorts

We tend to hate anything the words “paper bag” can be attached to. Except actual paper bags, obviously. They’re free to call themselves that, with our blessing. These shorts don’t even LOOK like “paper bags” to us, though. No, these have a different problem altogether, because when we look at them we don’t see “cute shorts”: we see “OMG, I had a total bathroom emergency, ruined what I was wearing and was forced to quickly fashion myself a new pair of pants out of toilet tissue.” And once we’ve seen it, it can’t be unseen. These are by Thakoon and are $425 at Shopbop. Click here to buy them.

Leather trackpants by Joseph: title says it all

Leather trackpants. Leather. Trackpants. Leather. Track. Pants. Nope, it’s no good: it doesn’t make any more sense the more you say it. Let’s add another element into the mix: Six hundred pound leather trackpants. Aaaand, that was the sound of our heads exploding. Sorry, folks, gotta run…. (Not in leather trackpants, though, we hasted to add.) Click here to buy them.

Sass and Bide Spare Thoughts draped stretch jersey pants

Diaper pants: Sass and Bide do the work for you

We’ve often mentioned that we don’t like dropped crotch pants because they make it look as though you could be wearing a diaper.  Well Sass and Bide have cut out the middle man and put the ‘diaper’ feature on the outside of these pants, just to let everyone know that that, in fact, is the reason for the excess fabric around your hip and crotch area. What do you think though?  Do you want your pants complete with this kind of attachment?  Would you pay £475 for the privilege?  If you would, you can buy these at Net-a-Porter but be quick: they’re sold out in some sizes already!

The Mystery of the Foil Joggers, by KTZ

OK, here’s the deal: if anyone can give us a plausible-sounding reason why you’d want to buy a pair of see-through jogging pants (complete with visible pockets and label: classy), we will BUY the aforementioned jogging pants, as a gift from The Fashion Police to you. Um, OK, not really. The ARE £130, after all, and we don’t really want to encourage this kind of thing. We’d still love to hear your reasons, though… (Click here to buy them)

Starstyling holograph leggings

Style on Trial: Culottes

Culottes were very popular in the early 1990s and they seem to be having something of a resurgence this spring. Naturally, then, we’re interested to discover what you think of them.  Are they just the next step from a wide leg trouser?  Are they a practical alternative to a skirt?  Would you wear them? The pair above are £38 from Topshop, but they are popping up all over the high street this season.

Religion Union Jack printed leggings

Union Flag fashion: yay or nay?

That Geri Halliwell.  She has a lot to answer for.  For when she wore that Union Flag (it’s only a Union Jack when it’s at sea, apparently) dress, she spawned a thousand other garments bearing the motif.  Over fifteen years later designers are still producing items such as these leggings. If you want to show your allegiance to the crown at the pool or the beach, Red Carter  are selling this delightful one-piece at Shopbop.  (We have to admit that we are slightly baffled by this as Shopbop isn’t a British site…) Will you be wearing Union Flag fashion to show your patriotism for the Royal Wedding this April?  (Just please don’t style the leggings as pants as ASOS have…