Trousers/Pants

hammer pants

Stop! Hammer Time!

Oh, hey, has anyone seen a Delorean around here? It’s just that we’re pretty sure Hammer must be looking for his pants now that they’ve somehow made it to the future… [STOP! Click here if it’s Hammer time where you are.]

Cheap Monday sheer shorts

Crime of Fashion: Cheap Monday ‘Camille’ pool shorts

Oh, dear. If a sheer dress is known as a “shress“, we guess a pair of sheer shorts must be “shhorts”. Or, alternatively, “a hot mess”. These are by Cheap Monday, and are currently on sale for $41 at Alex & Chloe. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to come up with a plausible scenario in which you’d actually wear these in public. We’re not going to hold our breath, though…

double shorts

Two pairs of shorts for the price of one

Oh, look, we’re doing “quirky” again, and wearing two pairs of shorts at the same time: how special! Not only will this garment/garments allow you or your man to ape the “look, my pants are following down” look (so classy!), it looks like the top pair of shorts is actually detachable, so this isn’t a case of Stuck-Together-Clothes at least: you really are getting two for the price of… about twenty, actually. Because this (these?) will set you back $626. Not sounding like quite such a bargain now, is it? [Product Page]

Daniel Palillo mesh leggings

Crime of Fashion: Daniel Palillo mesh leggings

We’re just two days into March, and we think we’ve already arrested 2012’s biggest crime of fashion: these Daniel Palillo mesh leggings, which are $176 here. Actually, scratch that: these aren’t just the ugliest items of the year so far: we think they may be the ugliest – and most inexplicable – items of all time: If you can think of a reason why these need to exist, we’d be fascinated to hear it. (Please note that the peep-toe boot rule is in effect here. Although, in this case, we really don’t think we’d have needed the ugly shoes to let us know that this is, indeed, a Crime of Fashion…) [Thanks to Frida for the report!]

ASOS lemon boiler suit

Can a boilersuit be “sexy”?

Boiler suits can be many things: saggy, shapeless, handy for when you’re painting the house, or working as a mechanic, say. Can boiler suits ever be sexy, though, that is the question? And ASOS think they have the answer: So that’s a “YAY” from them. Good to know. From us, though? Well, look: we all know that “sexy” can come in many different guises. It doesn’t have to be short, tight and low-cut to be “sexy”: in fact, sometimes covering up can  be the sexiest thing of all, and sometimes the woman in the plain old jeans and t-shirt can be the sexiest woman in the room, just because of the way she carries herself. But this boiler suit. We’re…

Wear or Die

Wear or Die: Shiny Unhappy People

(Shiny pants available here and here.) You may have thought Monday mornings were bad enough as it was, but this Monday is just about to get a whole lot worse, because it’s time to play The Fashion Police’s favourite game: Wear or Die! For those of you just joining us, it’s pretty straightfoward: 1. There are two ugly items of clothing. 2. You must wear one of them… or DIE. 3. You get to choose which one you wear. 4. Death is NOT AN OPTION, weaklings. Now, we know none of you want to die over an outfit choice, because that’s the kind of thing Fashion Victims do. So it’s time to put on your big girl (shiny) pants and…

camel toe

Fashion Police Case Files: Camel Toe Crimes

Camel toe. It’s one of the few areas of fashion which our jurors are almost unanimous in their agreement about: it’s just not a great look. Some fashion designers, however, disagree. They feel camel toe is something to be celebrated, not hidden, and so they go out of their way to create camel toe where it simply didn’t exist. They do this through the medium of the Saggy Assed Pant: [Exhibit A] More camel toe crimes under the jump…

Aqua high neck jumpsuit

Modelling is Hard: Jumpsuit edition

She can’t believe she spent all that time working on getting the perfect “model” figure, only to have to force it into a jumpsuit which makes her look like she’s wearing someone else’s legs and butt. Oh, the humanity! She wonders if a different colour might work better? She wonders no more. Now she’s going to go sulk in the corner and think mean thoughts about the nasty ol’ stylists who got her into this mess: Pity the beautiful people, readers: they, too, have their crosses to bear. [Click here for the product page.]

wide leg silver pants

Style Trial: 10 Crosby by Derek Lam shiny wide leg trousers

Well, the Foot Snatcher certainly did a number on this poor model, didn’t he? One minute she had feet, the next minute just acres of shiny fabric billowing around the floor. It’s possible that the Snatcher had accomplices on this particular mission, however: we know that many of our readers are more than happy to aid and abet the Snatcher in his work, so putting feet aside for the moment (which is actually what the Foot Snatcher himself does, isn’t it? And what these trousers do. Fancy that!), what say you to these 10 Crosby by Derek Lam trousers, Fashion Police jurors? We thought they’d be impossible to wear without looking like a space-age hippy, but then… Hmmm. Now we’re…

Black Milk Muscles Leggings

Black Milk Muscles Leggings: gorgeous or gruesome?

Remember Heidi Klum’s 2011 Halloween costume? This is the budget version, by Black Milk. Of course, you’ll have to sort out the top half yourself, but …actually, on the other hand, perhaps people will be too busy looking at your legs to even notice? What do you think: would you wear these? If you would, you’ll need $75AUD, and to click here… (Thanks to Nikki for the report!)

Stuck Together Clothes

Stuck Together Clothes Crimes: R13 leather stretch and denim jeans

You know when you wear your denim hotpants OVER your leather trousers? It can be kind of uncomfortable, can’t it? Thank goodness, then, for R13, who’ve solved the problem we didn’t even know we had, by creating this shorts/pants hybrid, which gives you all the, er, “style” of denim-shorts-over-leather-pants, without the discomfort of it. And all of sudden, the world is a better place, except not really, because seriously, WHO DOES THAT? Who wears denim shorts over leather pants? Or ANY shorts over ANY pants? And why would you want to pay £521 to do it? We don’t know the answer to any of these questions. We do, however, know that this item is headed straight to Fashion Police jail:…

Dresspant sweatpants

Dress Pant Sweatpants: wear sweatpants to the office!

Look at this lucky dude, everyone: he’s having a quick 40 winks on his office floor, and he’s as comfortable as a baby. And why? Because he’s wearing sweatpants to work, of course! Dresspant sweatpants, to be exact: the sweatpants that are designed to look exactly like… dress pants. Well, we already have pyjama jeans: it was really just a matter of time before something like this came along, wasn’t it? Happily, these are NOT pyjamas, so that guy sitting next to you on the train, or in the boardroom probably ISN’T wearing the same clothes he slept it (although you never really know these days, do you?) so these are basically just a more comfortable way to dress for…

Markus Lupfre French lace trousers

Crime of Fashion? Markus Lupfer French lace trousers

You know, we’ve always assumed that if people did wear lace trousers, they’d probably wear them with something more than just their knickers underneath. Like, oh we don’t know: leggings, maybe? Tights? Even cycle shorts? Apparently not, though. These are by Markus Lupfer and they’re $760. Because that’s how much it costs these days to look like you got dressed in the dark…

too shot shorts

Citizen’s Arrest: When Are Shorts Too Short?

These shorts were arrested by Fashion Police reader Florence, who suggests that these are the answer to the question “how short is too short?” as it pertains to shorts. We’re inclined to agree with her, because, honestly, when we look at these photos, all we can think is “ouch!” and “that poor girl”. Modelling is hard, indeed. And we hope they didn’t sell the sample pair… What do you think, though? Too short? Just right? Innocent? Guilty? The day of judgement has come for these shorts: now judge away! [Product page]

Checked pyjama bottoms by Sass & Bide

Sass & Bide make another attempt to get you to wear your PJs in public

  Comfortable, elastic waistband? Loud, plaid pattern? Yes, we’re dealing with a Pyjamas in Public situation, folks: can someone call in the special forces? Designer PJs have always puzzled and appalled us. For one thing, you’re paying $365 for a pair of PJ bottoms, when you could get exactly the same look for a mere fraction of the price at Target. Or, you know, anywhere else that sells ACTUAL sleepwear. For another thing? You’re out in public in your pyjamas. Or, at least, you look like you are. Those stilettos are fooling no one, sister: wear these, and you may as well not bother getting dressed at all – just roll out of bed, slip on some shoes, and you’re…