Trousers/Pants

Yves Saint Laurent’s crepe “skirt pant” – Fashion Police not fooled

Yeah, OK, Yves St Laurent, nice try but you can call it a "skirt pant" all you want – we know a dropped crotch when we see one, and the day we find ourselves paying $2,450 for the privilege of wearing one is the day we finally achieve our modest ambition of having more money than sense. You, on the other hand, can purchase this item at Saks Fifth Avenue, should you wish to. "Skirt pant," indeed!

Fashion Pet Peeves: visible pockets

Believe it or not, our main beef with these pants isn’t the fact that they’re baggy, cuffed and have the suspicion of a dropped crotch. Well, OK, it kind of is, to be completely honest, but we’ve mentioned these things enough now that you can take it as read that we’ll hate them. No, this time we want to take issue with a more minor transgression, which is nevertheless a pet peeve of ours: white pants with visible pockets. And we don’t mean “visible pockets” in the way that most pockets are visible: we mean that horrible situation illustrate above where the lining of your pockets is visible through the thin material of your pants. It instantly cheapens whatever it…

High Waisted Tartan Shorts from Topshop: do not want

You may not think it, but over the course of 2009, The Fashion Police learned to like, if not exactly to love, a few items of clothing that we’d previously always considered to be crimes of fashion. We learned, for instance, to like high waists on certain items of clothing. We learned that tartan, if done right, can actually be quite refreshing. What we did not and will not accept, however, that this combination of the two, as applied to these knee-length shorts from Topshop, which were another find by Fashion Super-Sleuth, Mousy, could be acceptable to us under any circumstances. Because, as Mousy correctly points out, they look a lot like boxers, and not even Topshop’s suggestion, "tuck in…

Harem Pants: now with added patterns

Well, there you go, you learn something new every day, don’t you? We, for instance, had firmly believed there was nothing harem pants could do to make us dislike them any more, and as such, we’d decided to bury our heads in the sands on this issue and pretend the world hadn’t been infiltrated with droopy-assed pants. Then we saw these ones (which are actually a harem jumpsuit) at Mina UK, and realised that yes, harem pants can still surprise us. Just never in a good way. Like we said, you learn something new every day.

Drop-crotch carrot pants by Cheap Monday: the horror!

We discussed the phenomenon that is the carrot-leg pant a couple of months ago, and most of you were of the opinion that this was just another name for the "mom jean" – an assessment that The Fashion Police largely agreed with. Now it seems that Cheap Monday have decided to take things that little bit further, by adding a small, but noticeable, dropped crotch to the basic "mom jean" shape. We’ve no idea WHY they would do this: we’re of the opinion that if you absolutely MUST wear a dropped crotch on your pants, you may as well make it exaggerated enough that people will realise you’re wearing it like that on purpose, rather than just thinking either your…

Worst drop crotch pants ever?

In terms of sheer ugliness, we don’t think these actually ARE the worst drop crotch pants in the world ever. No, they win that title on account of how totally uncomfortable they look. That twisted seam running across the body. The crotch itself, hovering just above knee height. The way that one leg looks so much narrower than the other (that could just be the angle of the photo, of course… but we don’t think it is, somehow).  If they’re not the ugliest pants in the world, they certainly look like one of the least comfortable, and that’s a crime in itself. If you don’t believe us and want to give them the benefit of the doubt, they’re by Ann…

Crop Mahdia Harem Pants by Triple 5 Soul – dropped crotch AND see-through

  We’ve always considered harem pants to be at the very pinnacle of fugliness. It would be hard to find a way to make them less appealing to us, but credit where it’s due: Triple 5 Soul have somehow managed it, using the simple technique of making the fabric ever so slightly sheer. True, these aren’t sheer enough to be considered "shants", but imagine wearing them on a very bright day, with the sun behind you. Now, if that doesn’t get people staring at your dropped crotch, nothing will. Do you want people staring at your crotch all day long, readers? If the answer is "yes", these are $41 at Karmaloop.

Jean Print Leggings: it was only a matter of time…

So, skinny jeans. Some of them are really quite "skinny" indeed, aren’t they? Almost like leggings, in fact. And denim leggings aren’t a particularly new thing, obviously, but then, these aren’t denim leggings, either. No, they’re denim print leggings. More specifically, they’re marble-wash denim print leggings. They’ll basically look like someone painted your jeans onto your legs. Which is, er, nice.  These are being sold at Topshop, where they’re £18. The 80s are truly back with us once more, aren’t they?

Daylight Robbery: Chloe’s cut-out floral leggings

Look, we’re sure they’re very nice leggings. It’s kinda hard to tell from the picture alone, but, you know, they’re black leggings, albeit with a floral design – how bad can they be? So we have no quarrel with the leggings. Our quarrel is with the price, because… £750? For leggings? Seriously? Tell us, readers, are we alone in our surprise at this? Are we missing something? Are these Chloe leggings worth £750, do you think? Are ANY leggings worth £750? Tell us….

Lopsided trousers by Yohji Yamamoto

You’re thinking it’s just the way she’s standing, aren’t you? After all, she’s leaning forward slightly, weight on one leg – of course the legs of her trouser will look slightly different lengths! It’s not the way she’s standing. And it’s not "slightly" different lengths, either: these Yohji Yamamoto trousers are designed to help you look like you have one leg longer than the other, and not only that, each leg is in a different fabric too. One shiny, one not, one long, one short – well, they’re certainly different, we’ll give them that. And "different" is good, right? If you think so, these are £422 at Yoox.com.

Silver Hammer pants from Mango. *Sigh*

We fear we’re fast approaching crisis point with the ‘Hammer pants’ situation. One or two pairs could’ve been explained away as an "accident", but seriously, we’ve started discovering these monstrosities in so many otherwise innocent stores that we’ve stopped even reporting them here, because the crimes are just too widespread to handle. (Yet still we’ve yet to see anyone actually wearing them. WHY?) We had to make an exception for this pair from Mango, however, for the simple reason that they’re silver. We think Mango possibly envisaged them being the "dress Hammer Pant" option – you know, the Hammer pants you’d wear on an evening out, when you really wanted to impress someone. Or maybe they’re just the pair you’d…

Harem Jumpsuit from All Saints, a.k.a “Fashion Police Public Enemy # 1”

This crime of fashion was reported to us by Mousy, whose name regular readers will no doubt recognise from our comments section. “You’re going to love it,” said Mousy. “I can just tell.” And all we can say to that is, “How well you know us…” We would say more about this one, of course, but to be honest, we’ve been curled up in a ball of hysterical laughter ever since we opened the link, and have only managed to uncurl for long enough to type this brief message. Seriously, we know some of you really like harem pants, and we mean no offense to those who do, but when an item of clothing doesn’t even look like it’s been…

Save or Splurge: High waist pants by Elizabeth and James and Miss Selfridge

They’re not exactly the same, but when we spotted the high-waisted trousers on the left of the image above at Miss Selfridge this morning, we were instantly reminded of the Elizabeth and James ones we’d just been oggling at Net-a-Porter, so here they are, awaiting your judgment. Both are skinny of leg and high of waist (although the Elizabeth and James pants are obviously higher), and both have rows of buttons on the front. Is the extra fabric on the waist of the designer versions worth the extra money, though, or would you save your cash and stick with Miss S? Would you save or splurge? 

Marc Jacobs velvet jumpsuit: king of the jumpsuit clan

Last week we warned you that designer jumpsuits were trying to take over the earth. We were not joking. This is their leader: the king of designer jumpsuits, if you will. And actually, as jumpsuits go, it’s not a hideous one. The thing about this one, though? It’s £2,385 / $3533. This is why we call it "King". And if you like it, you can get it at Net-a-Porter.

Shant Spotting on the High Street: Organza trousers by Boutique

Ever since shants made their way onto the fashion radar, the Fashion Police have rested easy in the certain knowledge that shants were very much a “catwalk” thing, i.e. designers might trot them out every so often, but they weren’t something you’d ever see on the high street. Until now. Yes, today our confidence in the “actual stores wouldn’t sell them” nature of shants was shaken to the core by the appearance of Boutique’s organza trousers on the Topshop website. Make no mistake, people, these are shants by any other name, and now that they’re being sold for £35 per pair in a store frequented by a large percentage of the female population, the Fashion Police are raising the alert…

Kookai’s fitted hem trousers, a.k.a. the “harem bloomer”

Ah, our old nemesis, the harem pant, now with added frills: now there’s a sight we could’ve happily lived without! Actually, we never thought we’d hear ourselves say this, but the dropped crotch on these is actually the least of our worries. No, we’re more concerned by the fact that they appear to be cargo pants to the knee, and then leggings from the knee down. So, basically, we’re looking at a bizarre, three-way hybrid: harem-pant-meets-cargo-pant-meets-leggings. Now, why in the world would you want to do that, we wonder? (Although, come to think of it, the “legging” part would make them perfect for wearing with long boots. We’re using the word “perfect” as a relative term here, you understand…) Personally…

Style on Trial: tartan trousers

Now, we’ve already made our feelings on tartan pretty clear and our opinions haven’t changed, particularly on the “tartan trews” front, as we tend to associate these with elderly golfers and Agyness Deyn, neither of which we particularly want to start emulating. We’re well aware that our irrational bias against tartan leaves us ill-qualified to judge on this one, though, so we ask you, our readers: what do you think of tartan trousers? Will you be wearing them? (The ones pictured, by the way, are from New Look, just in case you’re tempted…)

The Wrong Trousers: Mango’s J-L Pincho trousers

Not nearly droopy and baggy enough to be "proper" harem pants, and not high enough in the crotch to give you a fighting chance of looking like you haven’t picked up the wrong size of pants by mistake, these trousers from Mango are just thoroughly perplexing in every way. We’ve already established that the drop-crotch dress pant is all kinds of wrong, but what’s strangest about these ones is the half-heartedness of them. It’s like they really wanted to be proper drop-crotch pants, but something held them back at the crucial moment, so they ended up looking just a little bit drop-crotched instead. The effect of this? You won’t even look like you’ve made a conscious decision to wear dropped-crotch…

The winners of the Strangest Harem Pants Ever award

Just when we thought harem pants couldn’t get any stranger, along come these ones, which weren’t even immediately identifiable as harem pants, on account of their looking more like a strangely lopsided skirt. That would have been bad enough, but nope, these are actually pants, as you can see from the image on the right, which shows the cuffed ankle on the longest leg. The fact that we can even use the phrase “the longest leg” to describe a pair of trousers says it all, doesn’t it? These are by Love Our Stuff and are £72 at ASOS. If you visit the ASOS website and click on the “view catwalk” button, you can see them in action and judge for…

Trousers with skirts attached to them: spotted!

Remember a couple of weeks ago, when we were reminiscing about the 90s trend for trousers with skirts attached to them? Well, we found an example for you, and as it turns out, that trend may not be quite so "nineties" after all, because if you like it, you can buy this trouser/skirt combo for the "bargain" price of £528 from designer Yohji Yamamoto. Or, of course, you could just wear an existing skirt over an existing pair of trousers, save yourself the £528, and create exactly the same effect – although we’d guess the "double waistband" you’d be dealing with if you chose to do that could end up being a bit of a pain… Is this a look you…