Trousers/Pants

Style on Trial: Christopher Kane’s fitted scalloped detail trousers

  Last month we asked you what you thought of Christopher Kane's scalloped detail dress, and the jury was largely in favour of it, although many of you felt it was more appropriate as a work of art than as something you'd wear. Your work is not yet done, though, ladies and gentlemen of the Fashion Police jury, for today we want to hear your judgement on the same designer's scalloped detail trousers. These are probably a little more wearable than the dress, purely by virtue of the fact that they're a pair of black trousers, and black trousers are always going to be easier to wear than an OTT evening dress, but the question is, would you wear them?…

From the Front Line of Fashion: Drop crotch trousers in real life!

It takes bravery to be a Fashion Police Officer. Not only do you face dangerous fashion criminals every day, sometimes you have to get up close and personal with them – to take one for the team, if you will – just like brave Officer Mousy did when she tried on those pink foil trousers for us in the name of "fashion". Well, folks, today we take you once more to the front-line of fashion, investigating what items of clothing usually thought of as "crimes" look like in real life. The photos above were submitted by an Undercover Officer whose identity has been protected for her own safety. Here she is, entering the hostile territory of the Marks and Spencer…

Daylight Robbery: Yves Saint Laurent’s £3,685 sequin jumpsuit

  This may prove controversial, but the Fashion Police would like to contend that NO item of clothing is worth £3,685 / $5,136. OK, maybe a wedding dress. Or an item of clothing you could actually live in. Or that would clean your apartment, do your laundry and look after you in your old age. Let's revise that statement slightly: no JUMPSUIT in the world is worth £3,685, and we don't care if every single one of those sequins was hand sewn by leprechauns. Solid gold leprechauns. Because, seriously, this isn't exactly the most versatile item of clothing in the world, is it? Or, indeed,the nicest. What do you think , readers? Is there an item of clothing you'd pay…

The Harem Hall of Shame – Part 3

The Harem Hall of Fame: it's where harem pants go when The Fashion Police arrest them, and thanks to the harem crime wave currently sweeping the world, it's starting to look pretty crowded. Within the jail, some harem pants naturally try to lord it over the others, bullying them and generally making a nuisance of themselves. The Zimmermann harem pants shown above fall into that category: in fact, just last week they were caught trying to escape from the jail with fifteen other inmates hidden in their crotch area. They almost succeeded, too, because, well, it's hard to tell the difference with harem pants, isn't it? Look under the jump for some more drop-crotch criminals…

Under Fashion Police Arrest: Proenza Schouler’s beaded satin jumpsuit

  Well, if this isn't the worst use of $10,750 we've seen, we don't know what is. No, that's not a typo, readers: this Proenza Schouler jumpsuit really does cost more than a second-hand car, which is really quite amazing considering that it has so many things wrong with it we could almost use it as a handbook for new Fashion Police recruits, to help them identify crimes of fashion. The puffy legs, finished with elasticated ankles – that's two crimes of fashion right there. The "lowered inseam", which is just another way of saying "dropped crotch". Three crimes of fashion. The "boobs busting out of the porn star top. Four. The trashy, cut-away sides. Five. The bondage-style back: We're…

Martin Margiela wins prize for longest dropped crotch ever

  We've got to hand it to him: we may not be exactly loving his work here, but that's got to be one of the longest crotches ever made, no? Look, he's managed to get it almost to the model's ankles! That's, er, quite the achievement. It's also pretty damn useless as far as we can tell, because when your crotch is at your ankles, either you have more problems than The Fashion Police can help you with, or you're just going to look like you're wearing a long skirt. Neither of those options make us want to cough up £292, but if you do, you can buy these at Yoox.com.

Say No to Sacks Part 2: The jumpsuit sack

  The Fashion Police's Say No to Sacks Campaign continues… We've  already said an emphatic "No!" to sack-like dresses, but this week we just want to say something that should really be self-evident, but apparently isn't, if the picture above is anything to go by. It's this: If your sack has legs, that still doesn't make it OK. We repeat: sacks with legs -or "jumpsuit sacks" = NOT OK. The Fashion Police will still come after you – especially if the sack in question costs $288, because that's just daylight robbery. We hope this clarifies matters on the "sack" front. Oh, and if you're wondering why the model in the picture above doesn't have a head, don't worry: it's because…

Wrinkled thighs are in fashion, apparently. Also really short legs.

You'll have to excuse us, readers: the more we look at this jumpsuit, the funnier it seems to us, and we're now fast approaching a state of near-hysteria… It's the illusion of little short, stumpy legs being created by the dropped crotch that's doing it, we think: combine that with the super-long torso, and the way it'll make you look like all the skin/fat on your thighs and waist is slowly sliding down your body, and it basically looks like the silhouette of an alien creature. In fact, we'll probably have nightmares about it tonight. This is by Warehouse (who usually know better – we're surprised), and costs £50. A small price to pay for an item with such comedic…

Chris Benz two-tone ‘June’ shorts: for your inner jester

We wouldn’t classify these shorts as a crime of fashion. Not exactly. But if, say, you found yourself back in the 16th century (and it happens to the best of us), forced to act as court jester at King Henry’s feast, these shorts would be your friend. We also have grave concerns that some people will try to wear these with American Apparel’s two-tone tights, and that makes us wonder if we should just go ahead an arrest them anyway, as a sort of preemptive strike. Or perhaps just spirit them away to a Fashion Police safe house until the danger has passed? What do you think? Fun n’ funky, or for court jesters only?

The Harem Hall of Shame – Part 2

The Harem Hall of Shame (a special section of the Fashion Police jail where harem pants are isolated for their own protection. And also because we don't want them teaming up with the peep toe boots that are also incarcerated there) is starting to look a little crowded again, so we figured it was time to parade our latest batch of prisoners before you. Leading the parade this month are these saggy beige pants from La Redoute (who have embraced the current drop-crotch "craze" with enthusiasm), which look to us like the kind of clothing you'd only wear if you were so old you were unable to wear "normal" clothes – or, indeed, to notice that your crotch was now hovering somewhere in the vicinity of your…

Daylight Robbery: Lanvin technic crepe loose trousers

When even the model looks a little bit on the “hippy” side, you know you’ve got a problem with the trousers, don’t you? Tell us, then, readers: how much would you pay for a pair of pants like these? We think even £10 would be too much, and yet Lanvin, in their infinite wisdom, have decided they’re worth an amazing £1000/$1450. Yes, folks, £1000 to look like you just got home from work, pulled on your oldest and least flattering pair of pants, and then flopped down on the sofa to pig out in front of the TV. In the early 90s. Perhaps a better question in this case, then, would be: how much would someone have to pay you…

Wear or Die: Yellow and green should never be seen

  It's been becoming increasingly clear in recent months that we're currently living through an Era of Awful Trousers. Dropped crotches, supper-baggy legs (often with elasticated ankles), hideous patterns – you name it, we've seen it. There's only one thing more amusing than Awful Trousers, though, and that's forcing you, our readers, to wear a pair of them. Today, we give you the choice of not one, but two pairs: it's up to you which pair you decide to go for, but remember – we're playing Wear or Die here, and the rules of the game state that if you don't choose one, you must die! (The rules also state that you're not allowed to cover your chosen outfit up…

Laddered Leggings: Leyendecker’s ‘Kerouac’ ripped leggings

  First came a slight revival of ripped jeans. Then certain designers took it upon themselves to try and make ripped tights fashionable – and certain celebrities were only too happy to comply. Yes, Miley Cyrus, we are looking at you…  Now this trend has come to its natural conclusion, and this morning The Fashion Police found themselves face to face with a pair of ripped leggings at Shopbop. And actually, we’re gutted now, because we ripped a pair of leggings by accident a few weeks ago, and if we’d just kept hold of them rather than throwing them in the trash, where we thought they belonged, we’d be the very height of fashion right now. Guess we’ll just have to pay Leyendecker…

The Harem Hall of Shame: where harem pants go when they get arrested by The Fashion Police

 It's well established that harem pants are Public Enemy # 2 as far as The Fashion Police are concerned (Public Enemy # 1 : Crocs) so, as you can imagine, this is a particularly busy time for us as we struggle to arrest all of the harem crimes we find around the web. Rather than bring you news of each new drop crotch crime as it happens, however, we thought we'd just round 'em all up and dump them in the same place. That place we call The Harem Hall of Shame, and here are just a few of its inmates. These aren't necessarily the WORST harem pants we've ever seen, they're just the latest – remember, harem pant crimes are on the rise, and if you see one…

Ruby Smallbone’s ‘Liquid Pants’.

  We don’t know what horrifies us most here: the fact that these are “wet look” shants (WHY? Were shants not ugly enough for some people?), the hideous draw-string waist that help make them look like someone just hurriedly tied a couple of rubbish bags around their waist and called them “pants”, or the fact that they’re sold out in sizes small and medium already. No, wait: it’s the fact that they’re wet-look shants. The waist doesn’t help, though, it has to be said, and the fact that there are apparently people buying them is quite frankly alarming. What’s even more alarming about all of this? That those people are paying £161/ $223 for them. Just…wow. If that sounds reasonable…

Wear or Die: Crotch Vs. Hips

  Despite our much-discussed loathing of the crime of fashion that is the drop-crotch pant, we don't think we've forced our readers to contemplate wearing a pair yet. Well, that has to change, of course, but what could possibly be more horrible than a crotch that reaches your knees, we wondered? Well, how about hips that would make it difficult to fit through doors? The Fashion Police have been alarmed to find more and more garments with huge, puffy hips appearing in our cells recently, and so we got to wondering: if our readers HAD to wear either a dropped crotch or a pair of massive hips – which would they choose? This is the choice that's now before you….

Floral jumpsuit from Topshop, also doubles as curtains

You know that scene in Gone With the Wind where Scarlett makes a dress out of a pair of old curtains? This is what would’ve happened if the book had been set in the 1970s and Scarlett ran out of material before she was done. Oh, Topshop, what were you thinking? This little gem was reported to us by Fi, a.ka. the Shoegal, who was, in turn alerted by Julia over at Shiny Fashion Forums, so we’re reassured to know we’re not alone in our feelings about this item. What do you think, though?

Foot Snatcher Strikes Again: Shopbop models are latest victims

 It's with great sadness that The Fashion Police report the return of the dangerous and dastardly criminal known only as "The Foot Snatcher". Having previously snatched the feet of celebrities such as Victoria Beckham, Katie Holmes and others, the Foot Snatcher was believed to have gone into hiding following a high-profile Fashion Police investigation. However, this week he (or she) struck again, this time targeting Shopbop models, who were left without feet following the terrible attacks. "Those poor girls," commented one witness, who declined to be named. "As if it wasn't bad enough that they were forced to wear huge, baggy pants with perplexing crosses on the butts, to have had their feet snatched was just the final insult." The pants in question – believed to be VPL's "Swag" Pants - are now…

Jumpsuits: still on the Fashion Police hit list

Oh, for the love of… What is it with jumpsuits, eh? Why is it that every time we start to reconcile ourselves to their existence: to tell ourselves that, why, they’re really just like wearing a top and trousers in the same colour, and not even we can object to that, something like this comes along. Now, we’d have been prepared to let this go, to pass on its way unhindered, if it wasn’t for the small matter of the elasticated legs. Because let’s be honest here, this isn’t so much a jumpsuit as a bloomer suit, and we’re sure you won’t need us to tell us why that’s wrong. "Who knew elegance could be this easy?" asks Shopbop.  "Who…