Trousers/Pants

Unsolved Mysteries: Mesh insert leggings

Oh, excellent, just what we've always wanted: leggings that cover the outside of our legs, while exposing the inner thighs and crotch by means of a sheer mesh insert! Or rather, just what we haven't always wanted. Well, have YOU? Can you imagine a scenario in which these would suddenly become acceptable wear – especially if they were worn as shown above, which we hope to God they never would be. If you DO think these are the very things you've been looking for, they're $200 from here. No, we didn't type an extra zero into that figure by mistake…

Diane Von Furstenberg ‘Kali’ harem pants: can also be worn as a dress

It's not the fact that they're harem pants. It's not even the fact that they're harem-pants-that-can-also-be-worn-as-a-dress. No, it's the fact that they're harem-pants-that-can-also-be-worn-as-as-dress that the Golden Girls would wear. If, of course, The Golden Girls, God bless them, had ever decided to wear such a thing. That's what qualifies these as a crime of fashion in our book. If you disagree, you can buy yourself a pair for $245 from Shopbop. 

Armand Basi under Fashion Police arrest again: sequined balloon trousers and mesh panel cardi

OK, readers: we know we can't agree on everything, but can we at least agree that the words "sequined" and "balloon trousers" should never appear in the same item description, ever? Actually, come to think of it, can we agree that the words "balloon" and "trousers" should never appear together? While we're at it, can we also agree that this cardigan: should probably not be worn with the aforementioned balloon trousers, unless you want to look like some kind of performance artist. Like maybe a mime or something. (No offence to any performance artists reading this.) OK, good. Now could someone please tell Armand Basi about what we've agreed? [Product Page: cardigan| trousers]

The Suit/Jumpsuit Hybrid is spreading: Alexander McQueen’s ‘trouser dungarees’

Last week, when we arrested Stella McCartney'sbizarre suit/jumpsuit hybrid, we comforted ourselves with the fact that the jumpsuit was probably acting alone: a solitary fashion criminal, rejected by both suits and jumpsuits alike, and forced to find its own way in the world any way it could. For surely there couldn't be more than one of these mutants? We were wrong. New evidence has come to light which suggests the Stella McCartney jumpsuit had an accomplice: this so-called "trouser dungaree" by Alexander McQueen. Which basically proves that there is no God, doesn't it? Now, we find the suit above less obnoxious than the Stella McCartney version, true, but we're still struggling to understand just where these items would fit in in the world. The suit is too…

Clothes-That-Are-Joined-Together Crimes: Stella McCartney’s Tuxedo jumpsuit

Today Stella McCartney has been found guilty of contravening The Fashion Police Law under point 6:1 -“Creation of Clothes-That-Are-Stuck-Together”. Stella tried to get this piece under our radar by describing it as a “jumpsuit”, but we weren’t fooled: it’s a tuxedo jacket attacked to a pair of pants, and that’s a sight we hoped we’d never have to see. Evidence submitted in Ms McCartney’s trial included the oft-quoted, “If it can make even a mannequin look a bit ‘hippy’, it’ll do exactly the same for us humans, and is therefore a crime of fashion.” The Fashion Police hold this truth to be self-evidence: the jumpsuit is hereby remanded in custody. Bail is set at £945, payable to FarFetch.com.

Under Fashion Police Arrest: Drop-crotch leggings by Maria Kaya

Just in case you thought that whole drop-crotch thing had finally died the painful death it deserves, here’s the evidence to the contrary, courtesy of Maria Kaya, and a model who looks like she’s desperately trying to hold on until the next bathroom stop. Don’t worry, sweetie, there are facilities at the Fashion Police Jail. Which, by coincidence, is exactly where you’re headed…

Save or Splurge: Red cropped trousers by ASOS and Jil Sander

First up, we'd just like to say that it was not The Fashion Police who ruthlessly chopped off the top of the head of the model above, it was ASOS themselves. Sorry, model! Second up: There are lots of differences between the two pairs of trousers seen here: in fact, the only real similarity is that they're both red, and they're both cropped. Personally, we much prefer the narrow legs and flat front of the ASOS versions on the left, which are more streamlined, with a bit of a pin-up girl vibe. That said, we'd kinda prefer the length of the Jil Sander pants on the right, which also look a little more comfortable. If money was no option, which would you choose? Would you Save or Splurge?

Fluro animal print running shorts from Topshop: not in our gym…

Topshop suggest these fluorescent, animal print running shorts would be "perfect for the gym". All we can say to that is that we're glad we don't go to the same gym as Topshop, because these are in clear contravention of Point 2 of The Fashion Police Law on Animal Print: "Animal print should only ever appear in colours you'd see on animals". As far as we're aware, there are no fluorescent leopards, so these shorts have definitely fallen foul of that rule, and as such, we're sorry, but they're booked. If you want to get them out of the jail, you can buy them here: bail is set at £12. (Rule One of the The Fashion Police Law on Animal…

Under Fashion Police Arrest: Comme des Garcons three-quarter length “bloomer” trousers

If fashion criminals ran bordellos, this is what the, er, ladies, would wear. Or at lest, they would – if The Fashion Police hadn't seized these trousers and thrown them into the Fashion Police jail, where they're doomed to remain for a very long time. We hope you'll all sleep better tonight knowing they're safely under lock and key. If you absolutely MUST set them free, though, bail is set at £330 and is payable to Yoox.com.

Shant Spotting: Acne’s Zebra Pants, with see-through stripes

Well, well, well, what have we here? It’s been a while since we had a good pair of shants to show you, and, well, these aren’t exactly what you could call a “good” pair of shants, are they? Actually, we consider these to be a very bad pair of pants, indeed, and that’s why we’ve sentenced them to lifetime imprisonment in the Fashion Police jail. If you’d like to get them out on parole, bail has been set at $398 and you can liberate them here.

Fashion Police Fraud Squad: Graffiti leggings by Louis Vuitton and River Island

Question: why is it so often the ugliest designer pieces that end up being copied for the high street? Case in point, Louis Vuitton's Stephen Sprouse graffito leggings. They've been around for a while now, and have never been even the slightest bit appealing to us, so we have no idea why River Island would want to make their own version. Make them they did, though, and they're currently selling them for £16.99 per pair, which is considerably less than the LV versions. Tempted?

American Apparel joins the harem pant movement

We'd always known there was a chance American Apparel would decide to jump on board the harem pant train, so when Fashion Police reader Rachel emailed us to inform us the sad event had, indeed, taken place, we weren't really surprised. That didn't stop us being horrified to see what AA came up with, though.  And while we're glad this model isn't flashing any of the more intimate parts of her body at us (you never really know with the American Apparel website, do you?) we don't think she looks exactly thrilled to be wearing these, either. It just goes to show: you think you're prepared for something, but it still comes as a shock when it happens…

KTZ drop crotch skull trousers: scary

As we all know, clothes are often designed to draw attention to particular parts of the body: breasts, waists, legs, you name it. But what about the crotches of the world? Crotches need attention too, you know: when, oh when, will someone design an item of clothing that draws all eyes to the crotch? (Other than that creepy prom dress, obviously.) Oh. Right. Looks like someone did. These KTZ drop crotch pants would've been under arrest in any case, but we reckon the "Look at my crotch!" nature of the design earns them an extra year's hard labour, at least. No offence to any skeletons who may be reading this. If you disagree, they're $200, and you can buy them…

Double Fashion Crime: Frilly leggings and cut-away top combo

  OK, let's look at this rationally: she's wearing the frilly leggings purely in a bid to distract us from the horrors of the boob-revealing top, isn't she? Or maybe she's wearing the top to distract us from the leggings? Oh, who are we kidding: she's all kinds of guilty here, isn't she? Seriously, you don't end up dressed like this by accident – well, not unless you're playing Wear or Die, obviously. No, you dress like this because you're a fashion criminal, and that's the only explanation possible for the images you see above, isn't it? Officers? Cuff 'em.

The fringe trend spreads to leggings

Yes, readers, it's true: content with adding fringes to boots, bags and jackets, some retailers (and by "some retailers" we mean "Topshop" have decided there's STILL not enough fringing in the world, and have decided to rectify this by adding it to leggings, too. You can see the results above: we think of hairy legs every time we look at this image – we don't mean to, but we can't seem to help it. If, however, you see a stylish addition to your wardrobe instead, these are £22 and you can buy them here.

Alexander McQueen emerges as leader of harem pant movement

Such is the unfortunate prevalence of harem pants in our world today that we've been forced to give up pointing out individual atrocities and simply throw them all into the Harem Hall of Shame, instead. We did. however, think these ones by McQ were bad enough to warrant a post all to themselves: So bad, it's like they bypassed "harem" territory altogether and just proceeded straight to "oh my God, I've just filled my diaper/nappy." In fact, we think Alexander McQueen may even be doing it deliberately, playing up the diaper qualities of the look, and creating a silhouette that's as ridiculous as anything we've seen: These particular offenders are now safely confined in the Fashion Police jail (We didn't want…

Stella McCartney is offical designer of Fashion Police prison uniforms

  For a long time now, one question has plagued and troubled us: what kind of uniform should we make the inmates of the Fashion Police jail wear? At first we thought we'd keep it simple and make a combination of Crocs and harem pants our official uniform. Then we realised some of our prisoners would probably actually enjoy that, and the jail is supposed to be a place of punishment and correction, so we were thrilled to find that Stella McCartney has done the hard work for us, and designed an outfit that's just perfect for our purposes. Yes, these Stella McCartney dungarees are the kind of outfit that will give no pleasure to anyone. A combination of your…

How to tell if your shorts are too short: the whole world can see what’s in your pockets

  Oh, here we go…. This happens every summer: the sun comes out and suddenly women start walking around in shorts so tiny that the lining of the pockets dangles below the  chopped-off hems. Yes, Britney, we are looking at you here… Now, admittedly, some of these women have fantastic figures, and good for them. We still don't want to see the inside of their clothes, though: or, indeed, the back of their butt cheeks dangling below the shorts – and if the front is tiny enough for the pockets to hang down, the back is normally tiny enough to let the butt hang down, too. Which just isn't nice, is it? To be fair, these particular shorts are by…

Under Fashion Police Arrest: Henrik Vibskov Denim Annie Hall Jumpsuit

Hey folks, look, it's Henrik Vibskov! Last time we featured him here it was with the  "Seal All in One" or "adult romper suit", and from this, and the image above, it doesn't take the Fashion Police Detective Squad to work out that Mr Vibskov is is a key player in the "Dress Like a Toddler" movement – the dangerous underground organisation that aims to make all adults look like gigantic toddlers. In fact, recent intelligence leads us to suspect that Vibskov could actually be the leader of the movement. As such, this obviously places him high on our list of wanted criminals. The latest piece of evidence against Vibscov is this "Annie Hall" jumpsuit, which, as you can see, is…