The Emperor’s New Jumpsuit, Part 2, by Missoni

If a sheer dress is a “shress” and sheer pants are “shants“, we can only assume that a sheer jumpsuit must be a “shumpsuit”. And so that’s what we’re going to call this: a shumpsuit. Luckily for all of us, this shumpsuit isn’t quite as sheer as some of the items The Fashion Police have been forced to arrest since the sheer “trend” kicked off, but wear it on a bright day with nothing underneath, and you can definitely expect some stares, if not a caution from the actual police. Presumably this shumpsuit isn’t actually supposed to be worn with nothing underneath it, though, in which case, good luck with styling it, and you can pay your £917 to Intermix,…

Daniel Palillo Layer Leggings, complete with crotch loop

So, you know how sometimes you're wearing your leggings as pants (like the cool kids do, you know?) and suddenly you don't know what to do with your hands? "God," you think, "If only I had a handy belt-loop type of arrangement that I could casually loop my thumb through! Maybe in the region of my crotch, say? Yes, that would be ace!" Thank goodness someone out there was listening to your plea and creating that very thing, eh? Because even although these leggings cost $180, we know you're going to want to rush out and buy them, in which case you'll need to go here.

Under Fashion Police Arrest: Topshop’s foil strappy jumpsuit

As soon as this foil jumpsuit appeared on the Topshop website, the emails started to arrive, from people asking us to please, please for the love of God, just arrest it already! The most recent email on the subject came from Fashion Police reader Rose, who wrote: "Will you please please please be so kind as to arrest this horror while I will start distributing brain bleach to the poor witnesses of this crime?" Well, how could we possibly refuse a plea like that? Especially given that what we're dealing with here is an item of clothing which even emphasises the mannequin's lumpy bits. Jump suit, consider yourself under arrest.

Guest Post: Blinded by the ‘Keep Watch’ Leggings from Mishka

A guest post by Ashley Reiner of the Houston Fashion Trends Examiner. Ashley writes… "Leggings have been all over the place for several years now.  Designers are finding every way possible to make them their own– whether through different fabrics, lengths, or prints. And, if you also have a strange affinity for body parts, then Mishka has got you covered. The Keep Watch Leggings are depicted with a rather creepy eyeball print.  But these babies are not just any eyes; no, that would be too normal.  These overly rounded, floating eyeballs are bloodshot red.  They take "eyes at the back of your head" to a whole new level.  Can you say disturbing? For those of you mass murderers and scientists…

Does My Bum Look Big In This? Sophia Kokosalaki stretch wrap crepe trousers

We're really glad this model was styled with leggings underneath her trousers. Because that would just have looked silly otherwise, wouldn't it? On the other hand, perhaps she was too busy trying to detract us from the fact that these pants are designed to make the person wearing them look both stumpy AND hippy, by means of using lots of volume in the hips and cutting them off at that strange point in the middle of the calf that's almost guaranteed to make even the tallest, leggiest of us look vertically challenged. Still, at least the leggings detract from the visible pockets. There's just no way we'd have considered paying 298 euros for these otherwise! [Product Page]

Attack of the Print Playsuit – a River Island production

Of all of the great mysteries The Fashion Police have had to solve in our time, we think this is perhaps one of the greatest: the question of just how this 80s-tastic print play-suit came to sell-out in all sizes at River Island. (Who, by the way, were charging £44.99 for it. Not hugely expensive, but not exactly bargain-basement .Unlike, say, the play-suit itself.) Have Florida pensioners suddenly started relying on River Island for their fashion needs, we wonder? Or is this item actually super-stylish, and our "loud print/jumpsuit" blinkers just aren't allowing us to see it?

‘Boho’ harem pants: save us!

Remember a few years back, when "boho" was the fashion craze of the day (Yeah, thanks for that, Sienna Miller, we owe you one!), and everyone was walking around in gypsy skirt and wide, low slung belts? (And ponchos, but let's not even think about that whole "poncho" thing – it's taken us years to get over it…) Never in our wildest dreams did we ever imagine it could get THIS BAD. Never did we think that one day we would come face-to-face  – or rather "face to crotch" – with an item of clothing described as "boho harem pants". And even if we HAD tried to imagine such a thing, we don't think we could have pictured the full…

Guest Post: Balenciaga’s Sports-Luxe gone bad

 This guest post was written by Jenny Hayden, a.k.a. The Style PA. Jenny writes… "I am a fan of sculptural and architectural influences in fashion, especially when it comes to shoes. Balenciaga though, seem to have taken the trend and thrown it at a pair of trousers, blindly hoping for the best. I don't see £1,025.00 worth of designer clothing, I see a racing driver in a straight jacket. Sport-luxe is a difficult style to master at the best of times, but there is so much going on with this garment, I am struggling to think of anyone, celebrity or otherwise, who could carry them off. Folds, zips, piping, a criss-cross belt and two shades of grey just confuse the…

Alexander McQueen’s ‘Punk Pants’ – harem pants by any other name

"Punk pants", eh? So that's what the kids are calling them these days. Interesting. We initially identified these as common-or-garden harem pants, but we're still not 100% sure whether the leggings are actually attached to the pants or just a bizarre styling decision by Shopbop. If they're attached, of course, this means they're up on two counts: 1. Having a ridiculously saggy crotch 2. Being clothes-that-are-stuck-together The fact that they're definitely guilty on at least one of those counts gives us no hesitation in finding them guilty of committing crimes of fashion, but if you disagree, they're by Alexander McQueen, and they're $280 at Shopbop.

Return of the skort: denim skirt/shorts from Karmaloop

It used to be the case that skorts (skirt in front, shorts in back – sort of like a reverse mullet) were the summer equivalent of "mom jeans" – the type of garment that was only ever worn by … well, by the kind of people who wear mom jeans, basically. But the times, they are a-changing, and now Karmaloop are selling skorts too. Now, in fairness to the skorts shown above, they're one of the least skort-like pairs we've seen, looking much more like an actual skirt than many other pairs. But would you wear skorts? If you would, these ones are $88 and you can buy them here.

The latest incarnation of harem pants, from Kookai

The good news is that the shape of harem pants is changing. The low, droopy crotches are slowly starting to disappear, and this can only be a good thing as far as The Fashion Police are concerned. The bad news is that they're being replaced with these. Trousers that aren't really what we'd call "harem" style at all, but are just regular wide-legged pants… with an elasticated ankle. We've already seen the elasticated ankle crop up on the 'Sultana pants' we featured earlier this month – these ones aren't nearly as baggy, but we reckon they're still pretty unflattering. What do you think? If you love then, they're available from ASOS for  £59.

Unsolved Mysteries: Cuffed fishnet leggings

We know there has to be a plausible explanation for these. Has to be. But right now, we're dammed if we know what it is. Why do they exist? For what possible reason would you need a pair of cuffed pants ( call them "leggings", but they're a little too wide for that label, we think) in a fishnet fabric? And, perhaps most puzzlingly of all: WHY WOULD YOU STYLE THEM LIKE THIS? There is one small comfort in all of this, though: they're not actually attached to the shorts. At first glace, you see, we thought this wasn't just a case of Baggy Fishnet Leggings: we thought we were ALSO dealing with a Clothes-That-Are-Joined-Together Crime. But no: the shorts…

Sultana Pants: the (baggy) shape of things to come?

We've waited a long time for drop-crotch pants to finally loosen their grip on the fashion world, but just when we thought it was safe to go back into the shops, along come Sultana pants to take their place. These have the benefit of having the crotch in its rightful place (i.e. not sagging between the knees)), but they're voluminous of leg and elasticated of ankle, and these facts, especially occurring together like this, obviously give us cause for concern. Those of us who aren't blessed in the height department are probably going to want to steer clear of these, but what about the rest of you? Will you be welcoming sultana pants as the new overlords of legwear? If…

Style Challenge: What to wear with wet look leggings

Let’s play a game. Everyone familiar with Polyvore? The site that can suck up hours of your life as you browse items and put together outfits? Good. Your challenge, should you choose to accept it, is to use Polyvore to create an outfit based around the item shown above: in this case, a pair of wet-look leggings. We’ve deliberately chosen something a little bit difficult to style, because… well, because we’re mean and cruel, and because we’re hoping the outfits you come up with will provide inspiration to us all on how to wear some of those more “difficult” trends of the moment. How to Play: 1. Log-in to Polyvore (you may need to create an account first, if you don’t…

Style on Trial: Cut-out trousers by Boutique

Is ANYONE making clothes that don't have holes in them, these days? Everything seems to have to be ripped, shredded, or otherwise full of holes at the moment, and it's making it kinda difficult for those of us who prefer our clothes NOT to give us weird tan lines to shop. From this, you can probably gather that The Fashion Police aren't fans of the "missing parts" look. We're putting these Boutique trousers up On Trial, rather than just throwing them straight into jail, however, because we know this look is pretty much everywhere right now, and we know a lot of you ARE fans of it. So, let's put it to the test: are these trousers a Crime of…

The Skirt Legging: Handy or horrible?

The item you see above you is both a classic example of Clothes That Are Stuck Together, AND, at first glance, looked a little bit like a pair of drop-crotch pants. You'd expect us to absolutely hate then, then, no? But we don't. Or not really, anyway. Now that we've come to terms with the presence of leggings in our lives (something we never thought would happen, but it's funny how these things creep up on you), we can actually see how these skirt leggings could come in handy. After all, it's one more weapon in the fight against Leggings Worn As Pants, and that can only really be a good thing. Plus, it'll eliminate the need to keep searching…