Trousers/Pants

Guess how much these sweatpants cost?

Let’s play a game: you tell us what you think the sweatpants pictured above might retail for, we’ll tell you if you’re right. We’ll give you one clue to help you work it out: they’re made from a blend of cashmere, camel wool (by which we mean “wool that came from camels”, not “wool that is camel coloured”) and alpaca. Place your guess in the comments box, and we’ll come back later to tell you if you’re right… (EDIT: the answer is now under the jump!)

Natascha Stolle finds a loophole in the “Leggings Are Not Pants” rule

Leggings. We know they’re not pants. You know they’re not pants. We suspect even Natascha Stolle secretly knows they’re not pants, or she wouldn’t have felt the need to give them a “modesty skirt”. (Note: when creating a modesty skirt, it’s best to avoid sheer fabrics. Because they’re see-through. Got it?) “Look!” this model seems to be saying. “I really wanted to wear leggings as pants, but I know that’s forbidden by The Fashion Police, so I’m wearing this sheer skirt around my waist in a bid to throw them off the scent. Clever, no?” Uh, sweetheart? We can still see your crotch. We know you’re wearing leggings as pants. Your cunning plan has not worked. Also: leggings and a…

Wanted for multiple offences: Bianca Animal Jumpsuit from Boohoo

Animal print? Check. Harem pants? Check. Onesie? Check. Ill-fitting across bust? Apparently check! There is little right about this jumpsuit. But a closer look reveals that the bottom part of this little number doesn’t fall strictly within the harem pant genre. The shape is less “slouchy boho chic” and more “excess fabric creates tent-effect around hips”. The point of which we really can’t see, and assume accounts for the model’s forced-looking stance… Just to put the final nail in the coffin, it’s a polyester-cotton blend. Which probably explains the bargain price tag. Still, at this price at least you won’t suffer buyer’s remorse, once you realise what a huge, criminal mistake the wholle look is! Bianca animal jumpsuit, £20 from…

The Ugliest Leggings in all the Land? Frill leggings by KTZ

Most of the time when we arrest items for this site, we’re able to recognise that even although the item in question may not be to our personal taste, there’s someone, somewhere, who could probably look fantastic in it. Not this time. This time we’re just quietly horrified to think that someone, somewhere thought this was a good idea, because we can’t imagine these looking good on anyone. KTZ didn’t stop there, though: not content with adding huge, 80s-prom-dress-meets-ice-dance-costume ruffles to leggings, they also added them to skirts:

The elderly aunt look: Rochas silk-blend cropped pants

We’re not certain we can see what these pants actually have working in their favour. The shape is relatively average, but not hugely flattering to the average figure – the sort of shape supermodel legs make look spectacular while we mere mortals look somehow dumpy. The colour is reminiscent of something the cast of The Golden Girls might have favoured, mint green on the candy spectrum. And although the fabric is silk-blend, we suspect a polyester-blend would be just as well-received by the blue-rinse set. In short, we can easily imagine an elderly aunt wearing them down the bingo hall on a Saturday night! But perhaps you can see a way to work them into your wardrobe? If so you…

Gareth Pugh continues to make mullet trousers, Fashion Police unimpressed

Sorry, Gareth Pugh: we didn’t like it the first time you decided to stick a “cape” to the back of a pair of pants, and we don’t like it this time either. Seriously, what’s it supposed to be? A tail? A superhero cape?  A half-skirt? (Oh, please, not THAT again!) Or should we just call it a crime of fashion and be done with it? Your call, readers. (Click here if you want to either buy it for $802, or just zoom in on it and view it in close-up)

Will jogging pants ever be stylish? These ones want to give it a go…

Leopard print jogging bottoms. For those who wish to “work” the jogging-pants-with-stilettos trend, and feel that regular jogging pants just aren’t fancy enough, perhaps? For those who like to get their fashion on, even when they’re at the gym, or slobbing out in front of the TV? For you? If the answer to the last question was “yes”, click here to buy them at River Island. If the answer was “no”, however, perhaps Dorothy Perkins can interest you in their denim joggers?

Nightcap Clothing fold over flare pants

Pointless Clothing: Fold over flare pants by Nightcap Clothing

These “pants feature an unfinished edge at the miniskirt” say Shopbop.  And we would like to stop them right there.  Why do pyjama pants need a miniskirt, unfinished edge or not?  And why are they so low waisted?  These must be pyjama pants because the company that makes them is called Nightcap Clothing.  And they are in the loungewear section of Shopbop’s website. OK, continue. Each piece by Nightcap is “intended to be worn from the bedroom to the street”.  Er, what?  If it’s intended for the bedroom, then we most definitely don’t want to see it in the street, thank you.  What you wear in the bedroom is up to you, and if that involves street wear then so…

Harem Pants: Now available in leather By Marlene Birger

We thought harem pants were on the way out, but it would appear that they were only gathering strength before springing this on us. Seriously, leather harem pants? Sure, the fabric ones look bad, but at least all of that droopy material between your legs wouldn’t be uncomfortable. But leather. Acres of leather around the crotch just doesn’t sound like it would make for comfortable dressing, and it definitely doesn’t make for attractive dressing, so we have to ask: what’s the point? Anyone like to hazard a guess? Or do you just want to buy them? If you do, they’re $840 at Shopbop: click here to buy.

Bootcut leggings, courtesy of Alexander Wang: the next big thing?

We know many of our readers are getting very, very tired of the whole skinny jeans/leggings look that’s dominated the fashion world for the last few years now. We can’t say we’re totally with you on that, because you’ll be prising our skinny jeans off our cold, dead legs, but hey, a change is as good as a rest, and we fully support the idea of having lots of different choices when it comes to legwear, rather than the current “all skinny, all the time” situation. Most of the people who’ve been crying out for a change of cut seem to favour the bootleg jean/pant, and we can see why: it’s a pretty flattering shape, and it can be smart…

sass & bide hills are alive pants

Silly pants, silly name: Sass & Bide The Hills Are Alive pants

We can only describe these unusual trousers as knickerbockers. The high waist, gathering at the knee, cuffed hems… they’re all a bit silly, to be frank. Besides which, if you were going to make a pair of pants and call them ‘The Hills Are Alive’, wouldn’t you at least make lederhosen?? We have heard that knickerbockers might be making a come back: indeed in certain parts of the world they have been seen peeking shyly from beneath shorter skirts in a way that can’t help but bring to mind Pollyanna. As undergarments they are offensive enough, but as outer garments? What are Sass & Bide thinking? And don’t even get us started on the fabric… no really, the only thing…

Wear or Die: Terrible Trousers Edition

Option A will make you look like a giant bell, and option B will make you look like a giant triangle. We don’t think either option is particularly desirable, but you must choose one of them anyway, because this is Wear or Die, and as you all know by now, if you don’t choose one, you die! Now, no trousers in the world are worth dying over, so tell us, readers: if you were forced to wear one of these items in public, in order to save yourself from certain death, which trousers would you choose? Kris Van Assche’s tie-bottom “bell” trousers or Beyond the Valley’s “scary clown” triangle pants?

Stuck-Together-Clothes-Crimes: Juicy Couture wide leg terry jumpsuit

That Madonna has a lot to answer for.  We never saw terry towelling sportswear worn outside the gym until Madonna started to be seen in Juicy Couture.   And now that same brand have decided it is acceptable to sell jumpsuits in that awful fabric.  Terry towelling camisole stuck to terry towelling jogging pants (complete with flattering drawstring) anyone?  My-Wardrobe.com say ‘Luxe off-duty looks don’t get much more glamorous than this!’  We say ‘stuck-together crime of fashion’. But what do you think?  Is this the ultimate in luxury loungewear, or is it indeed a crime of fashion?  If you want to buy this (and you have £157 to spare), you can do so here.