This is why we prefer dresses.

As our officers parade the mean streets of the Internet’s retail sites, in search of fashion crimes to arrest, there are some types of clothing which are more likely than others to set our radar pinging. We could trawl dress or outerwear sections all day, for instance, and rarely see anything too unusual. Hit up the trousers section, however (Or the jumpsuits section, if there is one – oh lord, the things we’ve seen in jumpsuit sections!) and often we’ll end up having to call in reinforcements. It’s THAT bad.

We’ve no idea why it is that trousers, jeans and jumpsuits seem to be that bit more likely to be crimes of fashion, but it’s true. Here are some recent examples:

tie-side leggings

[Buy them here]

The print alone would’ve made these a suspect, but the ties at the side prompted us to arrest them instantly. Quite apart from the way they look, we’re wondering (and we hate that we’re wondering this, seriously) what kind of underwear would work with such a garment? We’re thinking going commando would probably be the only option here – unless, of course, you want to make VPL an important element of your look?

ashish BARF jeans

[Buy them here]

In contrast to the first item, a pair of jeans with the word ‘BARF’ on the hip can start to seem almost wearable. It’s sad when that happens, isn’t it? If you look closely at the model’s right knee, youll see that these jeans are also swearing at us: nice! Right back atchya, £1,600 jeans!

rivet jeans

[Buy them here]

Finally, after what we’ve just seen, these jeans seem almost tame. Still completely incomprehensible to us, obviously, but at least you won’t have really bad VPL, or risk getting into a fight with someone who decides your jeans are cursing at them, so we guess if we HAD to wear one of the three, these are the ones we’d choose. We’re really hoping it never comes to that, though…

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