stuck together clothes

      D&G Printed silk and denim dress

      Stuck Together Clothes Crimes: D&G Printed silk and denim dress

      A denim mini-skirt, attached to a low-cut scarf top, with a non-existent back. If we’d been asked to guess, we’d probably have assumed this came from Wet Seal, or some other teen-orientated clubbing emporium. But no, it’s a $545 designer creation, by none other than our old friends D&G. And it’s sold out. Which just goes to show what we know, eh?

      KTZ apron shirt

      Introducing the Apron Shirt, by KTZ

      Hey, look, everyone: it’s a reverse mullet! Party in front, business in back! That’s assuming you can call a baggy shirt and frumpy fake-skirt a “party”, obviously. And also assuming that you can call skinny jeans and the same baggy shirt “business”. In other words, unless this garment is aimed at people who want to look like they’re wearing a skirt over their jeans, without actually having to wear a skirt over their jeans, we have no idea why it exists. And actually, we have no idea why anyone would want to look like they were wearing a skirt over their jeans in the first place, so we have to conclude that this is a crime of fashion. Agreed? [Buy…

      stuck together clothes

      Stuck Together Clothes Crimes: The Leggings-Shorts Combo

      It’s Friday, so we’re going to start this arrest with something positive, and say we appreciate the effort to prevent a leggings-worn-as-pants situation by covering the crotch area with shorts. We’ve always said that we can get on board with leggings-as-pants as long as the crotch is covered, and that is… well, almost the case here. We could argue that crochet doesn’t exactly make the best crotch-coverer, but hey, it’s a start. On the flip-side of this, we also appreciate the attempt to make the shorts less, er, revealing  than they would be on their own, by adding the leggings underneath. Crochet shorts just don’t really work without something solid under them, do they? All of that said, however, the truth…

      ASOS Full Skirt with Sequin Knickers

      ASOS Full Skirt with Sequin Knickers commits multiple fashion offences

      We were about to call this in as a straightforward case of “Emperor’s New Skirt”… but then we realised the skirt is actually attached to the knickers. The sequin knickers. Which are really the whole point of this outfit, rendering the “skirt” totally redundant: NO, ASOS, adding an invisible skirt over the top of a pair of knickers doesn’t suddenly make it OK to go out in a pair of undies, sequin or otherwise, seriously. So, what we’re dealing with here is actually multiple misdemeandors: 1. A Stuck-Together-Clothes Crime 2. A bad case of Emperor’s New Clothes 3. An item of clothing which encourages the idea that it’s OK to wear underwear in public. (Because even if you’re OK with sequin knickers,…

      glove sleeve sweater

      Stuck Together Clothes Crimes: Glove Sleeve Sweater

      As far as Stuck Together Clothes Crimes go, sweaters with attached gloves have to be amongst the most hilarious. Seriously, can YOU look at the image above and keep a straight face? We’re impressed, if so. As chucklesome as this is, though, the fact remains that most glove sweaters are the type your mother used to DIY for you when you were a kid, i.e. the gloves can be removed, which makes the item just a bit unnecessary (unless you’re REALLY prone to losing your gloves, obviously, but even if you are, do you really want to have to wear the same sweater day after day, just so you can attach them to it? Thought not.), as opposed to being…

      comme des garcons glove sweater

      Comme des Garcons make sure we never forget our gloves again

      Remember when you were a little kid and your mother would sew your gloves into the sleeves of your coat, so you didn’t leave them behind anywhere? Think of Comme des Garcons as your mother. And think of this £244 sweater as your coat. Now think of yourself as a fashion victim, because you just spent all that money on a plain black shirt with a pair of gloves attached to it, just because it was OMGDESIGNER… [Click here to buy it]

      Thakoon cardigan shirt dress

      Stuck Together Clothes Crimes: The shirt that is also a cardigan, that is also a dress

      This is a cardigan shirt dress. Three little words, which would normally denote three little separate items of clothing, but which, thanks to the wonder that is fashion, have been combined into one. It’s Stuck Together Clothing of the highest degree, people. And, strangely enough, a “cardigan shirt dress” is every bit as bad as it sounds, isn’t it? Designers of the world, The Fashion Police beg you: please, make your damn minds up. Decide whether you want to make a dress, a cardigan OR a shirt. Resist the impulse to stick ’em all together. Relax. It really can be that simple… if you let it. Oh yeah, and this is $890. If that’s not a crime of fashion, we don’t know…

      Kilt and pants combo

      Stuck Together Clothes Crimes: Paisley Print Two-Piece

      We can’t possibly choose between this pleated skirt and these paisley-print pants, and you can’t make us. We’ll just wear them both at the same time, with the help of J. W. Anderson, who has helpfully joined the two together for us. And what J.W Anderson has put together, let no fashion police officer put asunder. Far be it for us to suggest that there’s no need to spend £1,275 on this creation, when you could find an ugly pair of pants and an equally ugly skirt for a mere fraction of that price and wear them together. Nuh-uh. We know a bargain when we see one, and this has been reduced to $510, for reasons that we can’t possibly…

      Tube dress meets denim skirt

      Stuck Together Clothes Crimes: Tube dress meets denim skirt

      Can’t decide whether to wear your tube dress or your denim mini skirt? Don’t be silly, people: you don’t HAVE to decide! Well, not as long as designers persist with the terrible habit of sticking random items of clothing together, anyway. We’re not totally sure what the purpose of this one was supposed to be, but we’re thinking she looks like she’s wearing a very long top underneath her very long skirt. Which is…one kind of look, certainly. Is it your kind of look, though? Click here to buy it if you answered yes…

      See by Chloe jacket dress

      Stuck-Together-Clothes Crimes: The Jacket Dress

      Let’s just hope it doesn’t ever get warm enough for her to want to take off that denim jacket. Because if she does, everything else she’s wearing is going to come with it… Stuck-Together-Clothes: The Fashion Police’s biggest enemy. [See by Chloe dress, £192, Yoox.com]

      phillp lim skirt

      Stuck-Together-Clothes Crimes: Phillip Lim Sweatshirt Skirt with Waist Tie

      Sometimes, tying a sweater around your waist – or hips, even – can look cute, in a casual kinda way. And it can be practical, too, because it’s a completely hands-free way to carry a spare sweater for when it gets cold – yay! It’s not QUITE as practical when the sweater is actually ATTACHED to the skirt, though, as in this Phillip Lim creation, is it? Not in the least bit practical, actually. You’re not going to be wearing that sweater, sister, no matter how cold the weather gets. Not unless you’re prepared to remove your skirt in the process, anyway. The sweater, then, has completely failed to fulfil its purpose in life: being a sweater. It therefore goes straight to…

      Stuck Together Clothes

      Stuck Together Clothes Crimes: R13 leather stretch and denim jeans

      You know when you wear your denim hotpants OVER your leather trousers? It can be kind of uncomfortable, can’t it? Thank goodness, then, for R13, who’ve solved the problem we didn’t even know we had, by creating this shorts/pants hybrid, which gives you all the, er, “style” of denim-shorts-over-leather-pants, without the discomfort of it. And all of sudden, the world is a better place, except not really, because seriously, WHO DOES THAT? Who wears denim shorts over leather pants? Or ANY shorts over ANY pants? And why would you want to pay £521 to do it? We don’t know the answer to any of these questions. We do, however, know that this item is headed straight to Fashion Police jail:…

      Tops with attached bag by Comme des Garcons

      The Bag Lady Look, from Comme des Garcons

      For as long as we’ve been arresting Stuck Together Clothes, we’ve also been wondering what depths the designers of such items will be willing to sink too. So far, we’ve seen socks attached to shoes, shirts attached to jeans, underpants attached to sweatpants… there is no item of clothing, it would seem, which cannot be attached to something else. What’s the strangest example of Stuck Together Clothing, though? Well, we thing this t-shirt with attached bag – yes, BAG – has to be somewhere near the top of the list. This is actually a three-way attachment, and possibly a four-way one. There’s a cardigan attached to the t-shirt, which is attached to the bag, which may or may not be attached…

      Shants Alert: Mike Gonzalez ‘Barbara’ print layered pants

      We thought shants were over. we thought they’d packed up and taken themselves back to whatever circle of hell they sprung from, and that all the fashionistas would be sticking their noses in the air, swishing their hair and declaring them to be “SO last season!” We were wrong. This winter sees the Return of the Shant, (Shants 2: Return of the Shant. Run, don’t walk, from your favourite fashion criminal…) as evidenced by these ‘Barbara’ pants by Mike Gonzalez. It’s nice that Mike gave these a name. It’s … weird that he looked at some 70s-print sheer pants and thought, “Barbara! I shall name them Barbara!” They don’t really look like a ‘Barbara’, do they? Barbara sounds like a…

      Double denim is perfectly OK by Alexander McQueen

      For some time now, the fashion world has been desperately trying to convince us all that the Texas Tuxedo is not the fashion-faux pas it was once thought to be, but, instead, is an “edgy” and “bang on trend” way to demonstrate your fashionista status. The Fashion Police aren’t buying it. Literally, we mean. Seriously, the example above looks like something that man wore to fix our boiler last year. Happily, however, this is NOT actually an example of double-denim. It’s a jumpsuit, you see: it’s really just SINGLE denim made to LOOK like double-denim, in the form of a jacket attached to a coat. This, of course, means that we can get it on two counts at least –…

      Maison Martin Margiela redefines the word “dungarees”

      This is NOT a caped mini dress being worn with a pair of thigh-high boots, as amusing as that concept might be. No, these are dungarees. As in, the “thigh high boots” are actually leather chaps, which are attached to the “dress”, creating “dungarees”. We feel like we’ve learned something today. For instance, we’ve learned there are people in the world who are willing to spend £1,690 on stuff like this. And that Maison Martin Margiela REALLY has a lot to answer for. Are you one of them? Click here if you are… If you’re not, meanwhile, just stay where you are and enjoy the back view:

      Plush cable knit legwarmer leggings

      Stuck Together Crimes of Fashion: Legwarmer leggings

      Yes, you heard us correctly.  These are legwarmer leggings.  Leggings with legwarmers knitted into them, if you will (though we rather hope you won’t).  We suppose you could wear legwarmer over your leggings if you really must, but do you want them pulled right up to your knees?  And won’t you want to take them off once the warmer weather arrives?  We are arresting these for obvious reasons, to languish in Fashion Police jail and think about what they have done.  (Or rather, what Plush have done in creating them in the first place.) Bail is set at $77 and can be paid here.

      JBNY finger pocket cardigan

      Hand shaped pockets for chilly fingers

      So JBNY, you think you’re being all quirky with your hand shaped pockets don’t you?  But we’re not fooled.  We know that this is just a stuck together crime of fashion.  We suppose this could be useful if you have forgotten your gloves, at least until you needed to move your hands away from your body to actually do anything that is.  Besides, who puts their hands in their pockets and spreads their fingers out like these pockets would force you to?  If you do, and this cardi is just the thing that’s been missing from your life, you can buy it at ASOS for £215.

      Vivienne Westwood Anglomania for Lee Bondage Shorts with Removable Bum Bag

      “Bondage shorts with removable bum bag”. There’s just nothing right about that sentence, is there? There’s not much right about the shorts, either: Why would you want a bag attached to your butt? It has a strap: why not use it? Where does bondage come into it? Where are the peep toe boots you’d obviously wear with these, in observance of the Peep Toe Boot Rule? Why are these cute shoes being paired with “bondage shorts with attached bum bag”. So many questions, readers. If you have answers, feel free to share them. If you just want to buy these, click here to do it.