Swimwear

Shay Todd contrast ruffle bikini: for instant wardrobe malfunction

We had originally bypassed this bikini when we spotted it at Net-a-Porter this morinhg, thinking that although it wasn't to our taste, it was probably only a minor fashion offence, if that. Then Fashion Police reader Matthew wrote to us to point out what had been staring us in the face all along: the fact that this "ruffle bikini" is, in fact, exactly that. It's a gigantic ruffle, with no visible means of support, or, indeed, anythinhg to stop it flying up in an ocean breeze, leaving you flashing the girls to the world. And you know what? We think he's right: Going by the evidence in front of us, we'd say this is, as charged, just a giant ruffle….

Wanted! ‘Unforgettable’ bikini by Betsey Johnson

Aww! Given the tiny window of opportunity in which we're actually able to wear bikinis, you'd think we'd have managed to get over our obsession with them by now, but apparently not, because this week sees us cooing over this adorable little yellow number by Betsey Johnson. It's available at Macy's, but Urban Outfitters also have a tankini version which we'd imagine may be a little too much like lingerie for some of you – take a look for yourself under the jump!

Wanted! Fleur T swimwear from Topshop

 As you may well have guessed, The Fashion Police have been spending a lot of time thinking about swimwear recently. Well, it gives us something to do while the wind howls around the HQ and the rain pours down. Last summer, the high-waisted bikini brief made a welcome return to the swimwear scene, and we're pleased to see there are still some around this year, too. As well as being a little less revealing, and therefore more comfortable, than some of their low-riding counterparts, these also have a nice "Bathing Belle" kind of feel to them, and being the unashamed retro lovers we are, that has a lot of appeal. This navy polka dot bikini is by Fleur T, and…

Wanted! Loeffler Randall circle ruffle one piece swimsuit

  OK, so it may not be the most practical swimsuit you've ever owned, and it's unlikely to be the cheapest, but we like the combination of the simple bodice and ruffled shoulder on this Loeffler Randall one-piece. Trying to pack light for your vacation? No problem: throw on a pair of shorts/skirt/trousers or even jeans with this, and you'll have yourself  a nice little evening look too. Yes, we know it'll be a lot like wearing a bodysuit, but we promise not to tell if you don't…

The Suspender Bikini: at last!

  Bikinis are just so hard to wear, aren't they? Seriously, aren't bikinis hard to wear? One minute you'll be prancing around the pool, the next your bikini bottoms have just dropped right off and you're exposing your ass to world. What's a girl to do? Well, of course, you could just make sure you buy the right size. We find that works. Or, you could go for the equally effective, but ever-so-slightly puzzling method of wearing suspenders (or "braces", as we call them in the UK) to keep 'em up. Look, Vans have created a bikini with the suspenders attached, how about that? And you can also wear it next time you want to dress up as an American…

Under Investigation: Wrap around swimsuit from River Island

You already know what we're going to say here, but we're just going to go ahead and say it anyway: WHY? And also: TAN LINES. The latter point wouldn't be a pron;em for us, of course, because we're always SP'd up in the sun, but even without the tan lines, we suspect those black, um, belly straps, would help create the illusion of a wrinkly stomach. And who wants a wrinky-looking stomach on the beach, we ask you? If you think all of this is mere speculation, however, and that this would look just perfect on, it's £24.99 and you can buy it at River Island.

The fringed swimsuit rears its ugly head once more

We've said it before, and we hoped we'd never have to say it again, but apparently we do: fringes have no place on swimsuits. Especially in cases such as that ilustrated above, where the finging takes on the appearance of a particularly nasty case of chest hair. Trust us, you do not want people staring at you on the beach in a bid to find out whether your chest really is that hairy, or whether it's just your suit. And with such a deep V neckline you can guarantee they will be staring, if only to check out whether or not your girls have escaped yet. Trust The Fashion Police. Just say "no" to fringing on your swimwear. You know it…

Strange Swimsuits: Melissa Odabash Sardegna fringed swimsuit

Thanks for the thought, Melissa Odabash, but we think we’ll take our £440 swimwear without the fringing, if it’s all the same to you – although we must admit, the fringed “butt curtain” on this one did make us smile. We do like the way Net-a-Porter have styled this on their website, though, i.e: What they say: “Shown here with a Diane von Furstenberg dress, Roberto Cavalli cuff, Jimmy Choo sandals and a Roberto Cavalli tote.” What they mean: “We’ve completely covered it up. Well, wouldn’t you?” Voila: Now that’s much better, no?

Wanted! Norma Kamali’s retro swimsuits

At around about this time every year, The Fashion Police are thrown into confusion as the stores start filling up with a steady trickle of spring/summer wear (And is it just us, or is that happening earlier every year now?) and even although the weather at the HQ remains icy, we suddenly start coveting things like swimsuits and sandals. These Norma Kamali swimsuits are clearly not going to be of much use to us at this time of year (or, indeed, at any other, given the price tags – they’re £315 each), but they do make rather nice eye candy for those days when we like to image ourselves as pin up girls… (What, you don’t do that too?). Get…

Bad Bathing Suits: White lace-up one-piece

The words "lace-up" and "swimsuit" are words that really should never appear in the same sentence, aren’t they? This particular lace-up swimsuit (Ouch! We said it again!) is billed as "nautical" – all we can say is that we’d hate to see the kind of ship the designers had in mind when they came up with this one. And we’d also hate to see someone wearing this is the white fabric went see-through after a dip in the water… [Buy: White nautical monokini]

Bad Bikinis: The Bead Bikini

Remember those beaded curtains people used to (and maybe still do, for all we know) hang in their doorways during the summer, so they could leave the door open but stop flies and other nasties getting inside? Why do you think Fisico-Beach Couture thought it would be a good idea to attach one of those to a bikini top? And wouldn’t that thing get ticklish if you moved even a little bit while you were wearing it? Finally: tan lines! Won’t someone please think of the tan lines? Buy: The Bead Bikini, £58

Scary Swimwear: Zimmermann Bo Feather Lace Up One Piece

The Fashion Police have just booked a winter getaway, in a bid to try and recharge the old batteries after a hard year on the beat, fighting those crimes of fashion. And also to try and make sure there’s no chance of us catching sight of a pair of those Crocs boots for a couple of weeks at least. This means that while everyone else is buying coats and boots, we’re busy looking at swimwear and sandals – no easy task when the stores are all stocked up for winter, so we were pleased to see that Shopbop alone appeared to be in-step with us this week, with a new delivery of swimsuits. And then we saw this, and died…

Wear or Die: New York Fashion Week Edition – Hervé Léger swimwear S/S 09

OK, folks, we know summer’s gone and it’s hardly beach weather, but grab your cossies because we’re taking you to the beach anyway. Or actually, on second thoughts, forget the cossies – we’ll supply those for you, and boy do we have a treat for you today, because we’ve managed to score you a couple of Hervé Léger one pieces, fresh from the New York catwalk! You’ll be the belle of the beach in these beauties, but which one will you choose to wear, we wonder. Will you look weirdly indecent, even although you’re totally covered up in the black number, or will you choose to turn heads by giving the appearance of being naked in the “nude” coloured suit…

Bad Bikinis: the crochet monokini

Now, we have nothing against crochet, when it’s done right, but by that we mean "when it’s not on swimwear". We’ve yet to meet a crocheted bikini or one piece we liked, and this one is no exception. In fact, it looks to us suspiciously like the model went to sleep in the sun, and while she was out, a large and scary spider spun a web all the way from bra to bikini line. Which just isn’t a great look, you know? Also: we know we say this a lot about strangely shaped swimwear, but it clearly bears repeating, as the designers obviously haven’t got the message yet: TAN LINES. They will be awesome. Thanks to Crystal for reporting…

Swimwear Section: Lilly Pulitzer Rita Bandeau Halter Suit

We’re secretly hoping none of you will like this Lilly Pulitzer one piece, because if you do, we’ll have to admit that although it is on sale for just $59.17 (down from the original $158), sadly it’s in limited supply, which means that it’s currently only available in a size 4. Sorry. We think this is a shame, because we love the cute little retro/nautical thing, but then, we would say that because clearly we have retro/nautical on the brain right now. We’re sorry about that, too. If you’re with us, and are a US size 4, you can pick this up at Saks. If, on the other hand, you’re about to leave a comment telling us how much you…

Swimwear Section: John Galliano 50’s Stripe laser cut detail bikini top and pant

We’ve been neglecting our Swimwear Section recently, but when we came across this John Galliano bikini over at Figleaves this morning, we knew we had to show it to you. This is described as 50s-style, but it’s a very modern take on that retro look, taking the best elements of the figure-flattering design and bringing it up to date. Those of you who worry about tan lines may not like the top, which has a little more coverage than your average modern bikini, but if tan lines aren’t a concern, this could be right up your street. The John Galliano name, however, doesn’t come without a price, and the only downside we can see to this piece is the price…

Bad Bikinis: the lopsided bra by Three as Four

We see some strange sights in the course of our work here at The Fashion Police, but this one is just plain baffling. Why would you want to create this odd, "lopsided boobs" effect, by wearing two different styles of bra top in one, we wonder? And then to attempt to replicate that effect with the briefs? We’re stumped, we really are. Our amazement at the appearance of this Three as Four bikini, however, pales into insignificance when you consider the fact that the retail price of this garment was £452 – over $800. OK, it’s been slashed to "just" £182 in the sale, but even so – £182 to look like this? That’s a Fashion Crime in itself…

Swimwear Section: Border floral coverup from Topshop

Today’s swimwear selection isn’t actually a swimsuit at all – it’s this pretty little coverup from Topshop which will be easy to throw on over your bikini for trips to beachside bars and restaurants for lunch and snacks, but which is also pretty enough to be pressed into service as a dress, should you find yourself running out of clothing options. It’s £25, which we don’t think is too bad at all considering the versatility of the dress/coverup, and the fact that it should see you through a few years worth of summer vacations…

Swimwear Section: Mossimo polka dot bikini from Target

We’ve shown you some fancy swimwear and some expensive swimwear here over the last few days, so today we thought it was time for something simple, sweet and, above all, affordable. Well, it doesn’t get much more affordable than Target, but we’ve always liked their swimwear section, which is where we found this pretty little polka dot bikini from the Mossimo label. Polka dots are something of a classic when it comes to swimwear, but we also like the crossover style of the bandeau top (those straps are detachable, if you want to wear it as a proper bandeau), which should help enhance your bust, while the tie-sided briefs are rather sweet, too. This is also available in black, and…

Swimwear Section: Floral print tankini by Betsey Johnson

We have a feeling this is one addition to the Swimwear Section that will divide opinions – largely because, at first glance, it doesn’t really look like swimwear at all, but more like some pretty lingerie or nightwear. That said, we still think this little Betsey Johnson tankini has a lot going for it, especially for those of you who don’t feel comfortable letting it all hang out in a bikini. The structured top should help create an hourglass style silhouette, and actually looks pretty enough to be worn as a top with jeans on the way home from the beach, too. As for the bottoms, well, if you don’t like this particular shape, there are a couple of other…