Fashionable isn’t a word usually associated with L.L. Bean, unless perhaps you’re talking about their fluke, ubiquitous Boat and Tote Bag on the must-have list of stylish ladies across America. And even then, it’s a Hamptonsy beach basic, not all that exciting. But the outdoorsy catalog company has recently made a bid for chic hearts and wallets with its L.L. Bean Signature line. And with a graphic bird print, dare we say that the Poplin Printed Skirt, $69, above is a combination of classic and trendy? We’re the Fashion Police, nothing if not daring, so we do say it! What say you?
To us, skirts like this will forever be known as Mullet Skirts, on account of the whole “short at the front, long at the back” thing. That’s not to say that skirts with trains can’t be fabulous, though: they absolutely can. On brides. And perhaps on people with a red carpet to walk on. This one, however, is the Mullet Skirt for casual occasions. Does it work? Do you like the idea of being able to wear a mini at the front and a maxi at the back, or do you just wish it would make up its mind what it wants to be when it grows up? In other words, is it a crime of fashion, or should we set…
Just in case any of you were thinking – or perhaps hoping – that the “trend” for totally sheer items of clothing had finally died, and that designers had stopped trying to charge us hundreds of pounds for clothes that barely even exist, we present evidence to the contrary, courtesy of Valentino. Well, at least the skirt could come in handy as a slip, albeit a pretty expensive one. As for the shress, well, we can only hope no-one would actually try to wear it like that, hmm? We must admit, we’re really curious to know who’s actually BUYING sheer clothes in a big enough quantity to justify the continued production of them by so many designers. Surely Lady Gaga…
Miu Miu are at it again. They tried to convince us that aprons were skirts once before, and even although we didn’t buy it then, they’ve decided there’s no harm in trying to pull the wool over our eyes again, and are marketing the item you see above as a “skirt”, while charging £455/ $684 for it. Miu Miu, NO. That’s not a “skirt”. That’s a belt with a couple of bits of material hanging from it. It reminds us of nothing so much as a makeshift dressing room, or those curtained-off cubicles you get in hospital wards. What it DOESN’T remind us off is a SKIRT, and when your clothes don’t even REMIND you of clothes, you know you’re…
Way back in 2008, we asked the question “How short is too short?” in relation to skirts. We got a variety of different answers to that, but personally we’d draw the line right at the point where the skirt in question could easily be mistaken for some kind of frilly halter-neck bra top. Or at the point where it’s suspended from your waist by a braided belt: What about you, readers? Would you wear this? If so, it’s £1,080 at Browns.
It’s a mini skirt! But it’s also a maxi skirt! For those days when you just can’t make up your mind! Of course, it’s ALSO a “mullet skirt”. And a crime of fashion. (Which begs the question: what no peep toe boots?) If neither of those points bother you, though, it’s £558 and you can buy it at Louisa Via Roma. What do you think?
So, we guess these are probably what you’d call “skorts” – in other words, a combination of a skirt and a pair of shorts. The “skorts” we’re used to seeing, however, are different from this, in that they generally have the skirt part at the front and the shorts at the back. Rick Owens has basically turned the concept on its head here, putting the shorts at the front, with the skirt dangling at the back, like a train on a dress. Or like a mullet. Is this what the world has been waiting for, readers? Or is it just an attempt to try and detract us all from those shoes? Oh God, THOSE SHOES… [product page]
Well. That’s… interesting. We guess this follows on from the hilarious “Look! Someone’s grabbing my boobs!” sweaters and shirts that started to pop up last year. Hmm. It would seem that the “hands” movement is more advanced than we’d at first suspected, although this example isn’t quite as bad as some we’ve arrested: at least the belt on this skirt does look more like a pair of gloves tied around the waist than a pair of actual hands. That has to be a good thing, no? No? If you like it, this skirt is $32 at Forever 21. [Thanks to Adrienne for the report!]
This is what happens when you allow the skirts with windows we showed you last week to exist unchecked. First there was Boutique’s maxi skirt, with a “window” from the knee down. It was ugly, but not indecent. We decided to let it live. Then there was Karl Lagerfeld’s mini skirt with window on the thighs. It, too, was ugly, and it also started to ring the alarm bells, because once you’ve allowed something like that to exist, you’ve just paved the way for … Topshop’s mesh seam skirt! Which is basically just all window, not so much skirt, isn’t it? Topshop obviously looked at the other two examples, thought, “We can do better than that!”, and this is what…
We thought that yesterday’s Boutique skirt crime was an isolated incident, the work of a solitary madman, but we’re sorry to report that we were wrong about that. Readers, there are more of them. They’re out there. They seem to be labouring under the illusion that you can make a very short skirt seem more respectable by adding a sheer panel to the bottom of it: they’re wrong. This particular offender is by Karl Lagerfeld, and costs £365. We’re hoping this isn’t the start of a new trend: be vigilant, readers!
Well. It’s certainly “different”, isn’t it? We think that’s probably the kindest thing we have to say about this Brian Lichtenberg skirt, but the fact that it costs $2,100 leads us to suspect there probably won’t be too many people buying and wearing it, so at least it won’t take up too much space in the ol’ cells. We have issues with the shoes, too, but one crime at a time, folks, one crime at a time…
The Accused: Organza ruffle skirt Found at: ASOS.com Arrested by: Selina of Pretty Clever Alleged Crime: Selina points out that this skirt? Appears to be covered in tumours. Or growths of some kind at least – and the fact that it’s the colour of (some people’s) flesh doesn’t really help, does it? Verdict: Guilty! Or is it? What do you think, ladies and gentlemen of the Fashion Police jury?
A little bit of pin-up girl style on the high street, and something that could easily become a winter wardrobe staple, all this Topshop pencil skirt needs is a pair of high heels and something simple on top, and you’re good to go. It’s an affordable £35, and although it’s no longer available in all sizes on the website, unfortunately, you can still find it in store. We suppose a price drop in the January sales is too much to hope for, Topshop?
The Fashion Police are big fans of the cellphone. In fact, so attached to her iPhone is the Chief of Police that it’ll probably have to be prised from her cold, dead hands. As much as we appreciate mobile technology, though, we have to say, we prefer to use it than to wear it. We may just be alone in that, though, because Jeremy Scott certainly seems to feel there’s a market for skirts that look like phone keypads – and that people will be willing to pay $198 for them. Is Jeremy Scott right? Would you wear this skirt? If you would, you can buy it at Forward by Revolve.
Some people will just go to ANY lengths to be able to flash their underwear, won’t they? Any lengths at all. Comme des Garcons skirt, £260, Yoox.com
OK, we’ve given this item much more thought than it actually deserves, and we can’t think of a single scenario in which we’d willingly pay £160 for something to completely and utterly useless. Can you? If you can, hand over your hard-earned cash to Yoox.com.
Citizen’s Arrest carried out by: Selina Alleged Perp: Charlotte Ronson high waisted pencil skirt with zip Hey, remember those scratchy sweaters some elderly relative would always give you for Christmas? They’d itch like mad, but you’d be forced to dutifully wear them at least once a year, just to be polite? Well, they make just as ugly skirts, too, don’t they? Verdict: Remanded into Fashion Police custody: bail set at $79.80, payable to Shopbop.
What do you mean “old lace curtain/tablecloth loosely tied a the waist”? That right there is a $913 skirt, we’ll have you know! And who cares if it could only ever really be useful as a beach cover-up, and even then people will wonder why you brought a curtain to the beach, and you’ll be terrified about getting it dirty? It’s DESIGNER, dontchya know? Now if you’ll excuse us, we’re off to source some, er, old lace curtains. For completely unrelated reasons.
As we’ve noted several times now, this winter is going to have more than its fair share of sequins: they’ve been popping up on shoes, jackets, leggings, jumpsuits, you name it. They’ve also been appearing on skirts like the one above, whihc is by Rare, and so, for this Style Challenge, we’re asking you to show us what you’d wear with this skirt. Build an outfit around it using Polyvore and then post the link in the comments box: but before you do, read the Rules of the Game, which you’ll find below. Have fun!
You know what we love about skirts? We love the fact that you always know where you are with a skirt. The fact that, no matter how ugly a skirt is, at least it can never be as bad as a pair of harem pants. Or, indeed, have a dropped…. oh. Sorry, our mistake… Dhotti skirt, $575, Shopbop.