Skirts

Modelling is Hard: Haider Ackermann does it again

Apparently there was no other way to style these skirts other than to have the models topless and clutching their boobs. Because THAT doesn’t distract you from the clothes AT ALL, does it readers? Either that or the stylist was assuming that, having spent £1262/$1967 on the skirt, most people wouldn’t have enough cash left for any other clothes. In which case, the styling here is actually quite helpful, isn’t it? Or, you know, not… (Click here to buy one)

Topshop Premium black chiffon sequin hotpant skirt

Topshop sequin hotpant skirt: it’s exactly what it sounds like

Oh Topshop.  Just when we thought you couldn’t produce anything worse, you go and surpass yourself and come out with this.  A sheer skirt stuck to a pair of gold sequin hotpants.  Perhaps we should be grateful that you are not encouraging people to wear the hotpants on their own and you are offering them something not quite resembling modesty?  Perhaps in this case, the stuck together aspect of the clothing is actually good thing? Perhaps not. If you want to buy this, Topshop are asking $110 in the US and £55 in the UK.

Marc by Marc Jacobs Ida sweater dress

Stuck-Together-Clothes Crimes: Marc Jacobs finally learns!

At last!  A designer has sat up and taken notice of what we keep saying about sticking items of clothing together.  If you must do it (and really, is there any reason to do it?) designers, then please take heed of Mr Marc Jacobs.  For he has created a sweater and skirt and cuffs, stuck together only by buttons.  Buttons that unfasten, and give you three separate items of clothing.  We like it, Mr Jacobs.  The dress looks cute as an ensemble and each piece works separately too.  Is this a first?  Stuck together clothes that aren’t actually stuck together? We like this, but what do you think?  Would you buy a 3-in-1 or would you rather choose the pieces…

Ugly Skirts: a Fashion Police Gallery

As the year draws to a close, we thought it might be fun to look back and give thanks for some of the ugly items we’ve arrested over the years. And by “give thanks” we mean “laugh at them”. We’re kicking off with some of the ugliest skirts we ever did see, so sit back, relax, and if you want to know where each of these came from, you’ll find a link to the original post at the bottom of each image, although as these are all drawn from our extensive archives, we can’t guarantee you’ll still be able to purchase all of them (and, to be completely honest, we don’t really know why you’d want to…). Enjoy!

Thakoon crepe-jersey wrap pants

Stuck Together Clothes Crimes: Thakoon crepe-jersey wrap pants

“The cool girl’s alternative to leggings” say Net-a-Porter of this item.  “Stuck together crime of fashion” say Fashion Police.  For yes, this is a pair of leggings with a skirt stuck to them.  Mind you, there is no risk of these leggings being worn as pants, is there?  But look, look at what they have been styled with!  We do believe this is yet another example of the peep toe boots rule (if it has been styled with peep toe boots, it is probably a crime of fashion). But what’s that Net-A-Porter?  You want how much for this viscose-nylon blend creation?  £645 you say?  Why yes, that’s a perfectly reasonable price for a pair of leggings. What do you think…

Rick Owens takes the “skort” literally

Things We Learned from this very literal interpretation of the “skort” (i.e. it’s not a pair of shorts that looks like a skirt, it’s a pair of shorts attached to a skirt…): * When your leather skirt is so short you need to wear a pair of long shorts underneath it, it’s probably too short. * When your leather skirt is attached to shorts, £645 is a fairly ambitious price to be charging * So is £322.50 * Some people just won’t care about any of this, because it’s omgdesigner! It’s RICK OWENS, people! How can RICK OWENS ever be wrong? (Click here to buy it)

Nice skirt, shame about the pockets

For once, we’re not taking issue with the fact that this skirt is described as “nude”, because it’s actually not: it’s fully lined, and the colour of that lining ain’t fooling anyone about its existence. Given that it’s a skirt with a perfectly adequate lining, then, why, oh WHY would you choose to put the pockets BETWEEN the delicate lace overlay and the lining. WHY? Is it supposed to look like a pair of blackened ovaries or something? Because it does. And we can’t think of a single good reason for it, can you?

Cross-breed clothing: Proenza Schouler skirt

Is it a skirt? Is it a jacket? No, it’s… well, actually it is a skirt, or so Proenza Schouler would have us believe. And, if you’re planning on playing out the yeti look this winter, this may be the ideal investment piece. Perhaps not the most versatile of items, but, errrm, looks like it would at least keep your thighs warm… Nope, we really can’t find anything good to say about this one. But maybe you can? If so, do let us know. Proenza Schouler skirt, £2098.46 from Colette

From the ‘WTF?’ Files: Opening Ceremony Leg Band Mini Skirt

Hold it! There’s no point sliding your hand down your leg in an attempt to hide it, missy: we’ve already seen the leg band attached to your skirt. We don’t know WHY there’s a leg band attached to your skirt, of course: is the skirt in mourning for something? The fact that it has a freaking leg-band attached to it, perhaps? Or is it actually some kind of clever way to anchor the skirt in place and make sure it doesn’t creep crotch-wards? We’ll probably never know. Want one of your own, readers? Click here and cough up $210 to Opening Ceremony… 

Crotch-baring clothing: Rick Owens Asymmetric leather skirt

Ok, so call us traditional, but we tend to associate skirts with – at the very least – crotch coverage. Increasingly in recent years the mini has indeed become micro, and the micro has all but disappeared into belt territory… but in order to charge skirt prices, most designers at least pretend that their skirts do, in fact, skim the thigh top at least. Not so Rick Owens. Who clearly feels that as long as there is enough fabric in the skirt overall, the exact distribution of coverage doesn’t really matter! In order to wear this out in public (and maintain your modesty) you’ll need to splash out on an undergarment of some description: for example, the £545 cashmere sweater…

Gar-De Brazeau Goat Fur Skirt

And here were we thinking those split-front leggings would be the worst thing we’d see all week. Want one of these, readers? Click here, cough up $924 and it’s yours. Just don’t tell PETA…

Panel skirt by Mark Fast for Topshop

Clothes Shredder Strikes Again: Panel skirt by Mark Fast for Topshop

Looks like this skirt got caught on a several rusty nails and the whole thing has started to unravel.  What’s that you say Topshop?  Oh it’s supposed to look like that is it?  Then why are you charging £80 for it when it’s falling to pieces?  We were relieved to discover on closer inspection that you do get a white underskirt part for your money as well, not just the threads, but still, £80?  Come on Topshop, you know us better than that.  We’re arresting you for Daylight Robbery. If you disagree and think that this skirt is value for money (and someone must, it’s already sold out in a size 8 despite being in the New In section), then…

Style on Trial: Alice + Olivia Francesca Feather Skirt

We’ve had feathers on jackets and feathers on shoes. Hell, we’ve even had feathers on sunglasses. Those pesky birds get everywhere, don’t they? How do you feel about feathers on skirts, though, readers? In fact, let’s go one step further with this: how do you feel when the feathers ARE the skirt – or are designed to look like they are, at least? Alice + Olivia obviously love them, hence the creation of their Francesca feather skirt, which is $330 at Shopbop. We, on the other hand, can’t stop singing, “Chick-chick-chick-chick-chicken! Lay a little egg for me!” for some reason. Where do you stand on this important issue? Do you say YAY or NAY to this skirt?

Skirting the Issue: When Skirts Go Sheer

We were going to use a couple of these skirts as a Wear or Die, but then we thought twice, for surely to Gaga, everyone reading this would choose death over one of these skirts? Surely? Or is that just wishful thinking on our part? If you wish, then, you can feel free to tell us which of the items on this page you’d wear, assuming that you had to wear one or die. Or you can just sit back, relax, and marvel at the fact that fashion designers actually think we’d be likely to pay hundreds of pounds for petticoats…

Stuck-Together-Clothes Crimes: Jonathan Aston skeggings

We have a new word for your fashion vocabulary readers.  Following on from skorts, shants and shress, we present the skegging.  We can’t take credit for the neologism that went into this particular creation; that honour lies entirely with Mr Jonathan Aston who has combined a skirt and leggings to form, yes, skeggings.  We are sorry to have to inform you that as well as the plain black version you see here, this also comes in a grey animal print skirt over black leggings version.  A warrant has been issued for the arrest of both. But what do you think readers?  Is this a practical invention or just a step too far in the direction of insanity?  If you would…

Flying the Fashion Flag: Bernhard Willhelm flag skirt

Even the store selling this admits it’s not really going to work as a “skirt”, so rather than being appalled at the idea of people walking around wearing nowt but a small scrap of fabric, let’s concentrate our energies on the “countless ways” it can allegedly be worn! Or actually, you know what? We’ve just spent the last couple of minutes staring intently at some model’s crotch, as we tried to decipher the words on the flag. We feel a bit grubby now. How about you just discuss this item amongst yourselves, while we go and take a shower, hmm? [Buy it here]

Comme des Garcons bring us two skirts for the price of one

For once we’re actually lost for words, so you may as well make the most of it while you can, readers. Comme des Garcons are no strangers to the art of the unusual skirt, of course, but we think they’ve excelled themselves here by sticking a denim skirt onto a cotton skirt and declaring themselves done. It’s a whole new dimension in stuck together clothes, and the fact that the denim skirt could ALSO pass as a pair of cut-off shorts from the front makes even more cunning/confusing. The final stroke of genius? They’re somehow managing to sell this for £580 / $891. If you’d happily let them sell it YOU, click here to buy it!