Shoes to keep your feet dry

terry mules

Moschino terrycloth mules, £325

First of all, yes, these are by Moschino: how did you guess? (Er, apart from by the name on the label, obviously…)

Secondly: no, your eyes do not deceive you – they really are made of terrycloth. As in, the same fabric as your towels, or your bathrobe.

On the plus side, at least they’ll keep your feet nice and dry (except they won’t, because the towelling fabric is on the outside of the shoe, not the inside. If it was on the inside, they might have managed to escape Fashion Police arrest, but alas, no.)

On the minus side, however… er, where do we start? We guess it basically boils down to the fact that these are essentially made from towels – and they LOOK like they’re made from towels. If that seems like a good use of £325 to you, go for it. If not, here’s something a little cheaper you could buy instead:

mesh skirt

It’s £194, but we’re afraid you’ll have to provide the knickers yourself, because they’re not included. And we really wouldn’t recommend going commando in this.

If the knickers thing is a deal-breaker, and you’re prepared to spend just a little bit more, you could treat yourself to a pair of these:

saggy harem pants

£202 well spent, don’t you think? We’d suggest spending just a little bit more, and also buying yourself an iron for them, but we guess that would be missing the point, wouldn’t it? It’s not edgy if it’s ironed, after all. (Note the presence of the ugly shoes here, too: they’re an essential element of this particular look…)

Of course, it’s possible the shoes are just a distraction technique. We’re pretty sure that’s what’s going on here, for instance:

jumpsuit with side boob

As distraction techniques go, this is actually a pretty good one, because the eye just doesn’t know what to focus on first. Will it be the strange, feathered shoes? The sheer lace dungarees? (The words “lace” and “dungarees” just shouldn’t ever appear in a sentence together, should they?) The side boob? It’s genius. Criminal genius, but genius all the same.

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