We feature a lot of very ugly items of clothing here at The Fashion Police, but haven’t you ever wondered what it would be like to actually WEAR some of them? Well, wonder no more: our intrepid Officer Mousy has been on a top secret mission to Topshop, where she tried on these pink foil skinny jeans – strictly in the name of research, you understand. She sent us this report from the Front Line of Fashion:
“On the site, they look like they might be a fairly soft material, like those shiny leggings we’ve been seeing so much of lately. I sorely, sorely wish that the site displayed the full horror of these trousers, the horror you can only truly realise when you actually try them on.
Imagine a cardboard box – thick, corrugated card. Now imagine what it would be like to put on a pair of trousers made of this type of card. That is what these trousers are like. They’re jeans, spray-painted bizarrely with horrible, stiffening, shiny pink paint that results in the fabric having as much flex and bend as packaging material. I found them incredibly hard to put on; the fabric was so stiff that it was almost impossibly difficult to manoeuvre. Because it was so slippery, it was a tough job to hold it to pull it up, and I couldn’t even rumple it into folds to grip on to because it was so starchy.
When they were on, I couldn’t bend my knees more than a few degrees without feeling as though I was going to crack the paint covering (or break my knee). Not that it would have made much difference; you can probably see in the photo that the spray is imperfect and has resulted in patches of black denim that show through in creases and folds. When I walked, I felt like a robot. I’m not a big girl. I didn’t try to squeeze my arse into pants that weren’t my size. They were just really, really bad. 🙁 They made me very unhappy. I can’t imagine anyone at all being comfortable in those things, let alone looking good (and so far I haven’t even mentioned how horrible they look, really!).
And you know what’s even worse? Scroll down the product page a little and you’ll see they also come in gold. I’m not sure why they call the pink ones the misguiding title ‘pink foil skinnies’, which suggests a much lighter fabric, whereas the gold ones describe the true horror that they are: ‘gold painted jean’. Oh, and even better – you can get a hot pant version of both colours.”
We’d just like to take a moment to salute the bravery of Officer Mousy in actually confronting a dangerous fashion criminal head-on – and living to tell the tale. Mousy: you’re a braver woman than us!