The Emperor’s New… Burberry Prorsum patent leather trimmed cape

  Well, it’s defininitley cute, we’ll give it that. And probably quite practical, especially taking into consideration the amount of rain we’ve had here at Fashion Police HQ over the last couple of weeks. Is it £795 / $1315 worth of cute and practical, though? Oh, hell to the no! Or not for those of us on a police officer’s salary, anyway, because we’re pretty sure that if we give it a few weeks, we’ll be able to pick up something similar at Topshop/H&M/insert other retailer anyway. What about you, though? Would you pay £1315 for a plastic cape, even if it DOES have the Burberry Prorsum label attached to it?

Modelling is Hard: Rick Owens’ high collar jacket

Well, you wouldn’t want to mess with THIS model, would you? Look at the expression on her face! She’s almost daring us to laugh at her high-collared Rick Owens jacket: For some reason we’re reminded of Darth Vader. Like we say, wouldn’t want to mess with her… About the jacket, though. Folded down, the collar looks fine: Standing up, though: Just a tad higher than we’re used to. Ah, we don’t know, though. We’re in a pretty good mood today, so we’re actually thinking we might turn a blind eye to this one. After all, at $1,690, it’s not like there’s going to be whole armies of people wearing them, as amusing as that mental image is. What do you…

Back to the 80s with Betsey Johnson’s shoulderpad jacket

Crystal Carrington called, Betsey. She said she wants… actually, to be honest, she DIDN’T say she wants her jacket back. Nope, she said, “What are you thinking, woman? Not even I would wear this now!” Because it’s 2011, not 1983. Do you copy that, Betsey? (Still love you, though.) (Click here if you want to buy it and promise to be really careful not to knock people over in crowds.)

In the Trenches: The Fashion Police’s Top 5 Trench Coats

You may be experiencing some gorgeous Spring weather right now, but here at Fashion Police HQ, April showers don’t give way to May flowers. In fact, they usually don’t give way at all. That’s not the only reason we love trench coats, though. They’re a style staple, but they’re also available in more than enough different styles and prints to keep things interesting. Here are just a few of our current favourites, in no particular order: Ringspun polka dot trench coat, £40, TK Maxx The asymmetric collar and polka print help breathe new life into an old classic. ASOS green trench coat, £55 A bright colour makes everything better. Gryphon skirt trench, $425 Business in front, party at the back….

Balmain embellished flag-print leather motocross jacket

Daylight Robbery? Balmain embellished motocross jacket

 This jacket is £12,095 (no, that’s not a typo) and it is sold out.  You could buy two small cars for that price!  Yet there are enough people willing to buy this to clean out Net-a-Porter’s stock of it.  We can’t really comprehend that. If you are willing to wait (and have a second mortgage in order to pay for it), you can click here to be alerted should more come in to stock.

Fringed Denim: Just Say No

Many of the items that appear on the “New In” page of the Topshop website seem to sell out within a couple of weeks: sometimes even within a couple of days. Not these ones. No, these two items first appeared several weeks ago, and, at the time of writing, were still available in almost every size. We’re going to call this a triumph of sense over fashion. Long may it continue. (Click here to make fashion triumphant once more…)

The Emperor’s New… Fendi Trench Coat

Look, we’re not saying it’s not pretty, in a flimsy, gauzy kinda way. Organza generally is pretty. But it’s $1,375. For a more-or-less INVISIBLE COAT. Once again, readers, the emperor, he is bare. BARE, we say. And the fashion victims, they are $1,375 worse off. And wearing a coat that no one can see. Oh fashion, how you make us laugh! (Click here to buy it)

Burberry Prorsum’s studded trench jacket

Even the classic trench coat can’t escape the shower of spikes that’s been raining down fashion items everywhere for the past few seasons: We doubt you’ll get many hugs when you’re wearing this. As well as the spikes, this jacket has been fashioned-up with thick leather cuffs and a belt. It’s a world away from the trench coats our grannies used to wear, that’s for sure, but what do you think about it? Much-needed revamp of an old classic, or a great way to create a lot of fuss on the way through airport security? (Click here to buy it)

Easy Fashion DIY: The Riddled-With-Holes Blazer

Want to look “fashion forward”, “totally edgy” and “bang on trend”, readers? Of course you don’t do. Here’s an easy fashion DIY for you! You will need: 1. One ordinary blazer, of any colour or style. Try to choose one you’ll never want to wear again. 2. One pair of scissors. Sharp ones. How to do it: 1. Take scissors to blazer. Cut random holes in it. 2. That’s it. Now, wasn’t that a whole lot easier on the wallet than spending £690/ $1,098 on the designer version? It just goes to show, you don’t have to spend a fortune to look like a fashion victim! (Click here to buy it)

Stuck Together Clothes Crimes: Blazer with attached hoodie

It’s hard to imagine ever wanting to wear a blazer without a hoodie underneath, isn’t it? Or, indeed, to wear a hoodie without a blazer? What do you mean “no”? If you can imagine wearing one of these items without the other, then that would mean this garment, which consists of the two items stuck together would be, if not altogether useless, then at least rather inconvenient. And who wants inconvenient clothes, pray tell? Is it you? If it is, you can click here to buy this for £54.99.

Missoni Miriam wool-blend woven poncho

Daylight Robbery? Missoni Miriam poncho

So, erm, yeah.  Anyone else seeing a model wrapped in a blanket here?  Yes?  Us too.  But that, my friends, is one very expensive blanket.  Can you guess how much Net-A-Porter would like in return for this blanket, er, poncho?  Go on, guess. We bet you didn’t guess £1,895 did you?  We told you it was expensive.  For that price you only get a 45% wool blend.  And no, the rest of it is not cashmere or silk, it’s synthetic. Got £1900 to spend on a poncho?  You can buy this here.

Cruella’s Coat: Tsumori Chisato fringed jacket

OK, so it’s not quite her usual style, but we think Cruella de Villa would just love this Tsumori Chisato jacket: just think how great it would look with her hair! What about those of you who aren’t fictional villains, though? Could you see yourself wearing this? It does look pretty warm. And we guess it could give a suitably dramatic touch to an outfit. What do you think? (Click here to buy it for $982)

Topshop Exclusives faux fur sleeve boyfriend coat

Style on Trial: Topshop Exclusives faux fur sleeve boyfriend coat

At first glance we thought there were small animals protruding from the armholes of this coat.  And that scared us a little bit. Once we’d recovered and realised that those were the sleeves, we couldn’t decide whether we liked the coat or not.  We’re used to seeing faux fur on the collar of coats, not on the sleeves.  Do we want our winter coat to channel Ewok chic with furry arms?  We’re not convinced we do. What do you think though?  Will faux fur sleeves catch on as an alternative to faux fur collars?  Or are they just a bit weird? You can buy the coat for £130 here.

The pantomime horse look gets a makeover: Fendi’s sable coat

So, the whole pantomime horse vibe? We’re not feeling it. We know, on this side of the pond, tis soon to be the season and all that, but we just can’t get on board with the patchwork fur look. We’re sorry, but that’s how it is… Really, though, if you’re going to do the patchwork fur thing – and charge over £10,000 for it – at least make the finish look polished – rather than tacked together at the last minute! If you’d like to shed out over ten grand on a coat you can do so here: Fendi sable coat, £10,785.26.

Wearing your heart on your sleeve… and other such organs

Remember the ‘brain’ clothing from Comme des Garçons we shared with you earlier this month? Well, should you wish, you can now also share other exciting organs with the world. Specifically – we think – your heart and one half of your lungs. As long as your heart and lungs are seriously disfigured and somewhat misplaced, that is. Maybe it’s Halloween playing with their creative impulses, but Comme des Garçons’ current obsession with flashing impressions of your insides on your outside… Well, it really turns our stomachs. If you’ll excuse the pun. What do you think? Comme des Garçons jacket: £833.01 from Colette.

Boohoo Presents: the Disney villain look in one easy purchase

Cruella de Ville, Cruella de Ville, If she doesn’t scare you, no evil thing will… Aspiring to be a Disney princess is many a little girl’s dream. Aspiring to Disney villain status? Not quite so common. But never let it be said that Boohoo doesn’t cater for all tastes. For a mere £50 you too can emulate everyone’s favourite puppy killer. Theme tune not included… Nadine Fur Coat, £50 from Boohoo.com

Topshop mesh panel sleeveless gilet

Topshop mesh panel sleeveless gilet: perfect for keeping your chest cool

A body warmer with mesh panels inserted at the front and sides.  Perfect for those days when – actually, we can’t think of a time you would need a garment like this.  It’s cold enough to need an extra layer, but warm enough you need the aeration provided by the mesh?  Better wear a good bra is all we can say otherwise you are in danger of your, ahem, assets letting everyone know just how chilly it is out.  And for good measure, Topshop have added a hood.  Because, you know, you might need the extra warmth hood will provide with all that mesh letting in the draught. Can you think of a good time to wear this?  If you…

Lookin’ Fly: Yves Saint Laurent’s jacket with plastic cape

The black body, the transparent “wings”: sure, Yves Saint Laurent can claim to have drawn inspiration from “the 70s” for this piece, but we’re just seeing a great big FLY: perfect for Halloween, puzzling at any other time. The “wings” here are actually a plastic cape, which Colette points out will “protect” this “beautiful piece”. Isn’t that a bit like those people who buy a new couch and leave the plastic wrapper on it to protect it? We’re sure it does keep the fabric pristine, but it sure makes it look stupid. Speaking of looking stupid: this is $2,053. Click here to buy it.

Camilla Welton kimonoat

Camilla Welton kimonoat: Now with added semaphore flags

This coat is not particularly ugly so long as you keep your arms down.  But really, how much of every day do you spend with your arms glued to your sides?  Raise your arms and oh!  People will be trying to decipher what you are saying in semaphore code.  What’s that?  SOS?  You’re being attacked by your coat sleeves? The coat is made to order so the price tag is of £490 is not so bad when you factor that in. What do you think though?  Do you want to walk around looking as though you have flags attached to your arms?  If you do, and you have a spare £490 lying around, you can buy this coat at Catwalk…