How to look like a fashion criminal … even when you’re not one

Let’s face it: no one actually WANTS to look like a fashion criminal. And yet, sometimes even the most stylish people out there can make a good outfit turn bad, just by making one simple mistake.

We figure if you know what those mistakes are, you’ll also know how to avoid them, so here are some quick ways to look like a fashion criminal – avoid them at all costs!

fashion criminal with red lipstick and revolver

Wear shoes you can’t walk in

Look, we love heels as much as the next woman: they’re part of the Fashion Police uniform, in fact. If you’re going to wear heels, though – or any shoes, really – you have to be able to walk in them. There’s no easier way to ruin an amazing look than by wearing shoes you can’t walk in. We’ve all seen them: girls dressed to the nines, who’ve obviously put a huge amount of effort into their appearance, hobbling along on a pair of stilettos that are clearly causing them pain. Trust us: pain is never in fashion, and rendering yourself unable to walk because of your footwear isn’t impressing anyone. We’re not saying you can never wear heels (And actually, painful shoes come in ALL shapes and sizes…): just make sure you can actually walk in them if you do. (If you can’t, ShoeperWoman has some tips on how to walk in heels here.)

Wear too much makeup or fake tan

Again, we’re not saying you should never wear makeup or hit the (fake tan) bottle every now and then: God knows, we never leave the station without a full face of slap. When it comes to makeup, though, less is often more, in the sense that if it looks like you’ve applied it with a trowel, or fallen face-first into the MAC counter, you’ll completely destroy any appearance-enhancing properties it had in the first place. Fake tan, meanwhile, should never be orange. Go for a shade that looks natural, or go straight to the Fashion Police jail.

Wear the wrong underwear for your outfit

The Fashion Police are big fans of fancy, frilly lingerie. Unfortunately, that type of under-pinning (as we like to think of it) doesn’t always look great under you clothes. Underwear should serve as the foundation of your outfit (Hence the reason it used to be referred to as “foundation garments”), and should serve to make whatever’s on top of it look better. It should also look invisible, which is why bumpy lace and neon shades should be used with care: they might be undetectable under a thick, dark fabric, but if you’re wearing something light, or form-fitting, you’ll be able to see the outline of your undies, the colour of your bra… or both. Seam-free knickers and “nude” bras may not be the sexiest lingerie out there, but they can often be the best choice for your outfit. You can always save the prettier stuff for those times someone will actually get to see it…

Wear clothes that are inappropriate for the weather or activity

We get it: winter has gone on forever this year, and you’re desperate to break out the spring clothes. Us too. Prancing around in a sundress and sandals in the snow, however, won’t make you look stylish: it’ll just make people ask you if you’re feeling quite well, or if you’ve lost your marbles. Now, obviously we all have different levels of tolerance for things like cold or heat, so if you’re genuinely comfortable like that, then rock on. If you’re doing it just to look good good, though, and you’re secretly shivering like the rest of us, do yourself a favour and wear something more appropriate: pale blue flesh and goosebumps won’t do that sundress any favours. Similarly, it’s important to keep your outfit appropriate for whatever activity you’re wearing it for. If you’re trying to climb a mountain, say, in a mini-dress and heels, you won’t look super-stylish – you’ll just look like you’re trying WAY too hard. (You’ll also run the risk of seriously injuring yourself, and as much as we love fashion, it’s really NOT worth dying for…)

Wear something that doesn’t suit your body shape or general look

We’d like to think that everyone can wear everything, and all look equally good in it. The fact is, though, that no matter how hard you try, some trends or items just aren’t meant to be, and won’t work for everyone. It can be hard to admit that a particular look doesn’t work for you if it’s something you really love, but there’s no point wearing something that doesn’t suit you, just because you like the way it looks on someone else. Take comfort in the fact that there’s something out there that looks fabulous on YOU: you just have to work out what it is…

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