Want to hear something funny, readers?
If you type the word “ugly” into the Polyvore search bar, this is what you get:
Yes, it’s Jeffrey Campbell’s infamous ‘Lita’ platform boots, and they’re the perfect example of the fashion trend we want to discuss with you today: the trend for absolutely gigantic platforms, of the type that make your feet look like boats.
You’re probably already familiar with this trend. It’s beloved of fashion bloggers all over the world, many of whom own either the Litas, or their close cousins, Jessica Simpson’s ‘Dany’ sandals:
But wait, what’s this we hear you shout. “This is last year’s trend, Fashion Police! These shoes are old news!” You’re right, they are. But rather than dying out completely, the power of the gigantic platform shoe has only been getting stronger as time has passed. The Litas, for instance, have gotten completely out of control:
The Dany’s meanwhile, have spawned dozens of copies. And it doesn’t stop there, because now other designers are getting in on the “make people look like they have absolutely gigantic feet act”. Witness Christian Louboutin’s ‘Daffodil’ platofrms:
Now, don’t get us wrong: we love Louboutin. A little bit too much, actually, as our bank manager will testify. But while these shoes come in an array of beautiful colours, there’s something almost comedic about the size of that sole. We don’t know: sometimes we think we absolutely love them, other times we think they make the wearer’s feet look deformed. They’re that kind of shoe. (Although, we have to hand it to them: if, for some reason, you want your legs to look like twigs – and we’re not sure why you would, to be honest – these are the shoes for you, because next to that sole, even the chunkiest ankle will look slim.)
When it comes to ridiculous platforms, mind you, Louboutin starts to look like an amateur next to Gianmarco Lorenzi:
This is a denim clog. There’s so much wrong with that sentence we barely know where to start. It’s yet another example of the chunky platform trend, though, and like the shoes above it, it will make your feet like they belong to someone else: and possibly not someone from the same species.
So prevalent has this trend become these days, that the ridiculous platform has become commonplace. We’re actually more surprised when we find a pair of shoes that DON’T have a platform. These Chloe Sevigny for Opening Ceremony boots, for instance, look quite tame to us now, after several years worth of giant platforms:
And these Irregular Choice creations?
Once upon a time they might have looked outlandish, but now? Now they barely even register, and we find ourselves picking up wedges that don’t have platforms and wondering what on earth’s wrong with them, so accustomed are we to their large-soled sisters.
As for these Charlotte Olympia platforms, meanwhile:
Well, these are just beautiful. Not only would we wear them, we’d also probably put them out on display between wears, just so we could look at them some more. And sure, they look a lot like boats, and so would our feet once they were inside them. But maybe we could live with that. Maybe.
What do you think, readers? Are you for or against the giant platforms? Are you fully embracing the look, or can you just not wait for it to be over?