The Emperor’s New Fendi Trousers

Well, whaddya know: it looks like our old friend The Emperor got himself some new trousers!

tights with attached skirt

[Buy them here for £136]

It’s hard to be sure just from the evidence before us, but we THINK what we’re looking at here is a pair of tights, with a useless, totally sheer skirt attached to them. Which is awesome, because how many times have you been getting dressed in the morning and thought to yourself, “If only these tights had a flo0r-length, almost-invisible skirt attached!” SO many times. But actually, no, no times at all. We can’t even IMAGINE thinking that. We’re not sure why anyone would?

Oh, and we also think what we’re looking at here is the model’s bare ass. It’s possible she’s wearing a thong – we really don’t care enough for a close-up examination here – but if you really MUST wear reasonably sheer tights, with a reasonably sheer skirt over them, we’d suggest NOT going for the triple fashion crime score by adding a pair of sheer knickers. Maybe just keep that kind of thing for the privacy of your own home, yes?

Just to add to the fun that is this garment (And what do you call a tights/skirt hybrid anyway? a “skirght”, perhaps?), these tights sort of resemble a skin disease, don’t they? We’re not convinced they’d even look good worn AS TIGHTS, let alone as “skirghts”, but if you feel differently, and think you could make them work, the good news is that they’re currently on sale at, for “just” £136, down from the original price of £341.

The BAD news, meanwhile, is that there’s just one pair left, which means there are probably more of them out there, walking around in public. Let’s just hope whoever bought them was mindful of the “just add knickers” rule outlined above…

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