Fashion Peeves: Ugly Zippers

We like this dress. It’s simple, yes: probably too simple for those of you who like your fashion to be “unexpected”. (Drinking game, anyone?) But we love the colour, and it’s one of those great, easy to wear shapes, which mean you can – and we hate to sound like a fashion magazine here, but it’s true – dress it up or down as required. But this dress hides a terrible secret, readers. Behold, the exposed back zip!

Designer Vs High Street: Victoria Beckham Vs Closet

Pictures of Freida Pinto looking gorgeous in a pale pink dress on Jimmy Fallon earlier this week had our officers sratching their heads for a second, and thinking, “Wait… is she wearing… Closet?” Of course, she wasn’t. Freida was, in fact, wearing a dress from Victoria Beckham’s Spring/Summer 2011 collection, which, like the rest of the Victoria Beckham line, is beautiful, but not exactly realistically priced for those of us who aren’t on celebrity salaries. Most of the dress collection, for instance, retails from £900 – £1,500, with some pieces costing more. Enter Closet, with their pink asymmetric neck dress, which… look, we’re not going to beat around the bush, here: it’s damn near identical, isn’t it? In fact, we…

Modelling is Hard: The Sad Sack

This dress may just be the funniest thing we’ll see all week. Especially paired with the creepers and black ankle socks. That poor girl. She didn’t sign up for this, ASOS! She thought modelling would be glamorous! She was wrong. Can you see yourself “rocking” this look?  

New Fashion Trends 2011: Skater dresses

(Skater dresses, L-R: Jane Norman, Topshop, Dorothy Perkins, Oasis, Debenhams) As with many other so-called “new” fashion trends, skater dresses aren’t actually particularly “new at all”: in fact, those fitted waists and circle skirts harken back to the 80s, while the typically short lengths are more reminiscent of… well, of an ice-dance costume, which is where the name comes from. (And try telling us you’d wear a skater dress and NOT want to twirl in it a couple of times. We find it physically impossible. A girl’s gotta twirl when she’s wearing a full skirt…) Skater dresses on the high street 2011, however, has seen more than it’s fair share of skater dresses, which are currently being sold, in almost every high…

Dress of the Day: Dollydagger 50s style Scarlet Dress

Betty Draper would be ALL OVER this dress, wouldn’t she? And we would too, to be perfectly honest with you. In fact, we’re kind of kicking ourselves for breaking one of our golden rules – Thou Shalt Not Visit The Dollydagger Website Unless Thou Art Prepared to Spend A Lot of Money – and allowing About Your Dress to seduce us into clicking the link to this, because even although we have nowhere to wear it, and are about £100 short of the £130 we’d need to buy it, it’s going to haunt us forever now. This is from Dollydagger’s own Boutique Collection, and is in that classic 50s style which is currently very much in fashion, but which never really goes…

Peacocks to sell Kate Middleton-inspired wedding dress for £60

Would you buy your wedding dress from Peacocks? That’s not a question we ever thought we’d find ourselves asking, because the brand is best known for their low-budget fashion pieces (and their recent collaboration with Pearl Lowe) than for dressing brides-to-be, but the recent wedding of Kate Middleton and Prince William has apparently inspired the chain to make their first ever wedding gown. The dress, shown above, is a limited edition, and will go on sale on August 7th, priced at £60. Loosely based on the dress worn by the new Duchess of Cambridge, it’s one of many wedding gowns to be inspired by the Sarah Burton for Alexander McQueen original, and possibly one of the cheapest. What do you…

Richard Nicholl’s printed dress scares us

This dress scares us. Not as much of the idea of people willingly wearing Crocs scares us, obviously, but close. At first, we didn’t actually realise quite how much the dress was going to scare us. Sure, we were just a little freaked out by the idea of wearing a person on our, er, person. Having a second head just beneath our first head, another set of arms right next to the existing set. Bit trippy, no? But at that point, we though the arm in the photo – the one touching the oversized lips of the photo – belonged to the model wearing the dress, and that it was emerging from some concealed pocked cunningly designed to look like a sleeve….

Dress or Top? Red flared dresses from Zara and New Look

You see this dress, readers? We were pleased when we found this dress. It’s almost identical to one from Zara: Which, incidentally, just goes to show that you don’t have to be a designer label to “inspire” other brands to copy you, but that’s a different post altogether. Back to the dress… We loved the shape of the original dress, which is also available in black and camel, but, having raided Zara recently, we can confirm that these dresses are very, very short. Even on someone like the Chief of Police, who is 5″4 in her stocking soles, although considerably taller than that in her usual heels. The Zara dress was out of the question. Maybe the New Look version…

Fashion Police Roundup: Kate Middleton, Michelle Obama and Reiss’s ‘Shola’ dress

Now, we don’t normally feature Queen Elizabeth II here at The Fashion Police, but we just had to take issue with today’s Daily Mail, which criticises Michelle Obama for wearing a dress which they claim was too similar to the monarch’s at their meeting this week. This is news to us, because, of course, Michelle Obama’s dress is not even remotely similar to the Queen’s: See? Not even a little bit similar. “It’s never a good idea to dress like an 85-year-old,” says The Mail. Two things about that: 1. It is if you’re an 85-year-old. 2. Michelle Obama isn’t dressed like one. Or like the Queen, for that matter. Sheesh! (Her oufit is by Barbara Tfank, by the way. We…

Proenza Schouler layered silk slip dress

Underwear as Outerwear: Proenza Schouler slip dress

It is one thing to design a pretty slip dress, but quite another to design (what we think is) a pretty slip dress and then put an ugly sheer outer layer over the top of it.  So you have a slip dress stuck to…another slip dress.  And what’s with the ruffles on the shoulders and around the hem, Proenza Schouler?  If you are trying to pass this off as an ordinary dress, we’re not fooled.  Even the poor model is slightly embarrassed, taking a shifty look around to see whether anyone is watching her being photographed in her underwear. What do you think though?  Have you embraced the whole ‘underwear as outerwear trend’ and think that this would make the…

Long or Short? Bettie Page’s Captain dress, as seen on Holly Madison

Bettie Page’s ‘Captain’ dress has been available for a while now, and is a Fashion Police favourite: in fact, if we ever launch a nautical division*, this dress will be part of the uniform of its officers. Holly Madison obviously likes the dress too, as she was spotted wearing it earlier this month. Not only is Holly wearing the dress, however, she’s also butchered the dress, hacking several inches off the hemline to create this mini version, just as Blair did on Gossip Girl that time. Is the change for the better or for the worse, though? Well, that’s what we want you to tell us. Do you prefer Holly’s shortened version, Bettie Page’s original version, or neither? And why?…

Louis de Gama silk button through shirt dress with contrast yoke panels

Tents: Not just for summer festivals

Louis de Gama calls this a ‘silk button through shirt dress with contrast yoke panels’.  We call it a tent, which the model has to hold down at the back to avoid flashing her bottom at the photographer.  Seriously, watch the catwalk video on the ASOS website and it’s almost indecent. The model here is 5’10” so if you like this dress, we implore you to refrain from actually buying it unless you are considerably shorter than our girl.  But tell us, is it a shapeless sack, or cutting edge fashion? If you do want to buy this, it’s £215 from ASOS.

Alexander McQueen printed silk-chiffon off-the-shoulder gown

Curtains as eveningwear at Alexander McQueen

That’s not, in fact, a curtain you are looking at above, although you could definitely be forgiven for thinking it is.  It even has pencil pleats around the neckline.  It’s not a curtain though, we promise you.  Look: Hmm…doesn’t look a whole lot less like a curtain when it’s being worn, does it? Do you want your eveningwear to look like it should be hanging in someone’s front room?  If you do, you can buy this number at Net-A-Porter for the ‘bargain’ price of £7,260.  It would be far cheaper to buy an actual curtain to get this look*. *Not really.

Clothes With Faces: See by Chloe strappy multi-print dress

Hey, dress! Why the long face? Ah. Right. Still, at least you probably won’t look so much like a grumpy face when you’re actually being worn, will you? Or maybe you will. Because once seen, it can’t be unseen: that’s the rule of clothes with faces. This See by Chloe number is £485 at Harvey Nichols. And it’s not very happy about it, either.

Save or Splurge: Little White Dresses by Raoul and Topshop

The white dress: once the sole province of brides, this season it’s been reinvented as a summer wardrobe staple, and while the little white dress will probably never look “casual” exactly, it can look simple, stylish and understated. We think both of the dresses above check all of those boxes: they’re not exactly the same (and Topshop’s offering is best described as “ivory” rather than white), but they both have high necklines, fitted waists and flared skirts, so they both offer their own takes on the same trend. Which do you prefer, though? The ‘Save’ version is by Topshop, and is $65, while the ‘Splurge’ dress is by Raoul, and is $230. Which would you choose, if either?

Say No to Smocks: Peter Jensen Artist Smock Dress

Just a quick reminder, readers: SAY NO TO THE SMOCK. Otherwise you too could end up looking as dazed and confused as this girl, who’s wondering how the hell it came to pass that she spent £185 on a designer dress and ended up in a Victorian nightgown that’s been hacked off mid-thigh. We’ve no answers for her, but we do have answers for YOU, if you’re wondering where you can buy yourself one of these. Why, ASOS, of course! Click here to do it.

Get the look: Polka dot pencil dresses

Molina Spot Dress, £145 from Coast; Viyella Petite Spot Print Crepe Dress, £130 from John Lewis; Oscar De La Renta Embellished cotton-blend and satin-jacquard dress, £2,750, from Net-a-Porter; Polka Dot dress from TK Maxx; Alexon cream spot linen dress, £99 from Debenhams. Polka dots somehow straddle the usually gaping chasm between fun and sophistication, adding interest to a simple shift and making the plainest of jersey dresses far more occasion-appropriate. The beauty of the polka dot is in its versatility – the high street has dresses of every shape and style, suitable for the office, for a dinner date or even for a wedding reception. Go for full dotty overland like Oscar De La Renta by pairing a spotty dress…