Dresses

sheer skirts

Sheer Skirt Trend Claims More Victims

(L-R: ASOS, Kalmanovich) They’re daring you to mention the fact that neither one of them is actually wearing a skirt. Or pants. Or… anything other than a sheer layer of tulle tacked onto the bottom of their little  tunics. One of them DOES appear to be wearing an old-fashioned lampshade, though. So there is that. (Seriously, WHEN will this fashion for very short dresses with totally sheer maxi skirts attached to them going to die? Do we really have to open a special branch of our Fashion Force to deal with this?)

Angelina Jolie's Golden Globes dress replica

Style Stealer: Angelina Jolie’s Golden Globes dress

(Angelina’s always done the leg thing, hasn’t she?) Immediately after every major awards ceremony, The Fashion Police are always inundated with press releases from brand’s claiming that their dresses are exactly like the ones just seen on the red carpet, and will therefore allow us to “get the look” of the stars. We’re always a little puzzled by these messages: not just because the dresses in question almost never do look even remotely like the ones they’re claiming to be inspired by, but because, seriously: how many of you really NEED to look like you’re going to the Oscars on a regular basis? Not that many, we bet. Because Oscar dresses are really only appropriate for, well, The Oscars. And, we…

Peter Pilotto dress

Style Trial: Peter Pilotto full-skirted dresses

We love big-skirted dresses, really, we do. But this one… kinda looks like a farthingale. And would possibly require two seats on the train. From the side, meanwhile… … you’d possibly have to get used to fielding questions about your due date, and whether you know if you’re having a boy or a girl. Oh, and yes, your hips DO look big in it. Despite all of that, however, we’re just not sure it’s much of a crime. What do you think? Innocent or guilty? [Product Page]

Elizabeth Banks in orange Versace at the Hunger Games

Elizabeth Banks in orange Versace at The Hunger Games premiere

Elizabeth Banks made sure no one missed her at the L.A. premiere of The Hunger Games last night, by wearing this bright orange dress by Atelier Versace, with a pair of Jimmy Choo wedges. This dress would like us to think that it’s allowing the top of her control pants to show. We’re pretty sure it’s just the lining of the dress, but you know, first impressions and all that. What do you think?

Victoria Beckham dress copied by Rare

Designer Dupes: navy and orange dresses by Victoria Beckham and Rare

‘Ello, ‘ello, ‘ello, now what have we ‘ere, then? Why, it looks like a case of Designer Dupes to us! On the left, a navy and orange pencil dress, from Victoria Beckham’s Spring 2012 ready to wear collection: it cost $2,295, but the price is academic at this point, because it sold out as soon as it went on sale. On the right, meanwhile… a navy and orange pencil dress, although this time by Rare, which is available at Topshop. This one is only £49, and was still available in most sizes at the time of writing, and can also be purchased at the Rare website, should it sell out at Topshop, which, let’s face it, it probably will. Which…

sheer dress with sexy hotpants

Redefining ‘Sexy’ Fashion

We need to talk about “sexy”. Or, OK, we don’t NEED to, we just WANT to. Lately, you see, it’s been becoming more and more apparent that when fashion retailers use the word “sexy”, what they REALLY mean is simply “sheer”, or “barely even an item of clothing, there’s so little of it”. ASOS, for instance, describe this item as a “racer back dress with sexy hotpants”. Then there’s this little Just Cavalli number, which is SO sexy it’s not really safe for work, just FYI:

miss selfridge harness dress

Stuck Together Clothes Crimes: Miss Selfridge Harness dress

At first we weren’t sure whether this was a Stuck Together Clothes Crime, or another case of the Clothes Slasher in action. Now we that we’ve had time to examine the evidence, however (a bit too much time, if we’re completely honest: it’s like looking at a car crash, isn’t it?), we can confidently say that what we’re dealing with here is a dress-attached-to-a-harness-attached-to-a-boob-tube. Which is… yeah. Of course, we have to admit to a degree of bias where this garment is concerned, because we HATE harnesses. Yes, we’re aware that they’re edgy and unexpected. We’re really struggling to give a damn, though. Anyway, enough about us: what say you to this example of STC (Stuck Together Clothes), jurors? Crime…

Dresses by Stella McCartney and Mango

Designer Dupes: Bi-colour dresses by Stella McCartney and Mango

We’ve seen this Stella McCartney dress (£1,128 at Saks) on the likes of Kate Winslet and other celebrities, but if that price tag has you reaching for the smelling salts, worry not, because we’ve tracked down a Designer Dupe at Mango, for a less frightening £44.99. No, no-one is going to to mistake it for the original: the side panels are navy rather than black, the length is shorter, and the bust less fitted, but the overall look is similar and, like its designer doppelgänger, it should help create the illusion of an hourglass figure, even if you don’t actually have one. Just do us a favour, and wear better shoes with it?

Opening Ceremony raffia dress

Style Trial: Opening Ceremony raffia striped overall dress

There are two words in the product description of this dress which instantly set The Fashion Police’s alarm bells ringing. Those words: “Raffia” and “Overall” Now, we’ve discussed overalls a lot recently, so you already know about our deep distrust of any item of clothing which is really intended to be worn during hard, manual labour, and is now being marketed as “fashion”. This model doesn’t look like she just finished a hard shift at the garage, though, so while we hate the overall elements of this dress – probably enough to have called it in for questioning even without the raffia accomplice, actually – let’s move on to the raffia. Raffia. It’s not something you really expect to find…

Topshop smock dress

Crime of Fashion? The Sad Smock

This has to be one of the saddest dresses we ever did see. In fact, it makes us feel like this: In fact, honestly, this dress is like one of Harry Potter’s dementors: as soon as we look at it, we start to feel like we’ll never be happy again. You know what else makes us sad? The fact that it’s £85, it’s ugly, and it’s SOLD OUT. Oh, and if you’re thinking that maybe it looks better on: That would be a “no” to that. [Product Page]

Rabbit dress

Cute or Creepy? Daniel Pellilo Bunny t-shirt dress

We thought you all might need some cheering up after the trauma of this morning’s attack on a skirt, so we found you this ickle bunny wabbit dress to look at. Now, though, we’re just worried that we may have made things worse, because are those FANGS? Is that some kind of vampire rabbit? Will YOU be able to sleep tonight? Let’s see if we can bring this back into “cutesy and twee” territory, shall we? Is it working yet? OK, how ’bout now? No? Last attempt: imagine that this is your graduation gown, and everyone in your class has to wear one: We’d go to THAT school, that’s for sure… (Click here to buy it)  

polka dot dress

Cynthia Rowley and Olaf Breuning let you look naked while being fully clothed

This dress reminds us of a Magic Eye drawing (remember those?). Not because of all the dots, but because if you look closely enough, and give it a few seconds, you’ll notice a naked female form hidden behind the pattern. Or, at least, we HOPE you will, because if you don’t, then it must just be us, seeing naked bodies where there are none. That would be weird. This dress is a collaboration between Cynthia Rowley and artist Olaf Breuning, and it’s been produced for the exhibition The Complete Spot Paintings 1986-2011 by Damien Hirst. So, even more than most items we show you here, this one is OMGART, and thus not allowed to be criticised, according to Fashion Victims. (Fashion Victims,…

organza tea dresses

The Emperor’s New Organza Dress, by Topshop Boutique

OK: obviously Topshop don’t mean for us to wear these dresses exactly as they’re shown on the mannequins. Or at least, we hope to God not, because there ain’t enough eyeball bleach in the world to allow us to cope if this particular look was suddenly “bang on trend“. So, we think we have to presume here that they’re supposed to be worn over something else. The things is, though: WHAT? Because, let’s face it, there’s not much to see here, is there? Literally. They won’t exactly add much to any outfit you’d care to wear under them, and even if they did, well, they’re £80. Each. That’s around $125. The Fashion Police have never DIY’d anything in our lives,…

Printed Pear One Shoulder Dress

Crime of Fashion? Sass & Bide Printed Pear One Shoulder Dress

We just spent way too much time trying to work out exactly what type of accident would result in this Sass & Bide dress ending up looking… well, like this. Giant inkpot? Attacked by the Clothes Ripper?  Model forced to wade through tar, while wearing just half a dress? WHAT? And, more importantly, did whatever happened here result in this dress becoming a Crime of Fashion? We say yes: what about you? [Click here for the product page]

Roundup of ugly dresses

The Ugliest Dresses of 2011

As we continue our look back at the worst fashion of the year just gone (or just about to go, rather), we come to one of the worst criminals of all: the ugly dress. 2011 was a good year for dresses in some ways. The revival of the midi dress, the popularity of skater styles and the continuing influence of shows like Mad Men and Pan Am made for some really great styles. Then there were the rest. Sadly, the Boob Window and Shress were repeat offenders on the dress scene this year, and we took more see-through dresses with gaping holes at the most inconvenient places into custody than you had hot dinners. Probably. Our old enemy, the Sack Dress,…

Party dresses UK roundup

Ten Under a Hundred: Party dresses

[River Island] Looking for a last-minute party dress? Ideally one that won’t cost more than your rent payment this month? Well, we’ve already brought you our selection of five under fifty, so today we give you ten dresses under £100. (Note: not literally. We would give you dresses if we possibly could, of course, but sadly the budget doesn’t stretch quite that far. Bummer, we know.) Enjoy!

ASOS white dress with fur collar

Style on Trial: ASOS Jacquard Dress With Faux Fur collar

We’re not going to lie to you: we kinda love this. Yes, even although it’s just a tad ridiculous, and wearing it at this time of year would make you look a bit like one of Santa’s little helpers. (Mind you, wearing it at any OTHER time of year would make you look like one of Santa’s little helpers who got lost, so if ever there was a time to wear a dress like this, now would be that time.) Imagine it in red, if you don’t know what we’re talking about here. What do you think? Cute or costumey? Crime or Damn Fine?

two ugly dresses

Wear or Die: Ugly Dress Edition

As it’s Friday, what better way to spoil everyone’s good mood than with a quick game of Wear or Die? For those of you just joining us, here’s a quick rundown of how it works: 1. The Fashion Police have selected two items of clothing for you (above). 2. You must choose one of them to wear. 3. You must wear the item exactly as it’s shown in the image: so no “wearing something/under it” or doing anything to radically change its appearance. Sorry. 4. Death is not an option. And with that out of the way, we invite you to make your choice between the two dresses we’ve picked out for you: the sheer, Comme des Garcons creation on…

Topshop wallpaper dress

Style on Trial: Topshop Wallpaper Ombre Hourglass Dress

Well, there’s a lot going on here, isn’t there? For one thing, this dress looks a bit like it’s on fire. Or at least, it does to us, but that could be because we’re slightly blinded by all of the eyeball bleach we instinctively reached for as soon as we laid eyes on it. Topshop describe it as a “wallpaper” dress. This, of course, made us wonder what kind of room would have walls like this? And who would live in such a room? You can leave your answers to that one in the comments box. Mostly, though, we just want to know whether it would be a super-stylish someone, or the type of someone The Fashion Police should be…