Style Stealer: Sienna Miller’s white ‘pinny’ dress

I know, I know… I can’t quite believe I’m recommending that you dress like Sienna Miller either. Or, indeed, that you wear something calling itself a "pinny". But still… while this kind of shapeless style would make me look like a toddler, there’s no denying that ol’ Sienna here is wearing it well. You’ll find a similarly styled dress at Dorothy Perkins for £20, and you can pick up the silver sandals there too – they’re £18.

Top 10 really Ugly Dresses

Marc by Marc Jacobs satin insert dress You know, I can sort of see where Marc Jacobs was going with this.. Oh no, wait. No, I can’t, actually, can I? Because this? This is inexcusable. £280 to look like a downtrodden housemaid from the 1940s? Er, no thanks, Marc. I think we’ll be passing on that one, if it’s all the same with you. I mean, it’s shapeless and saggy and dowdy – a triple, Fashion Police whammy! Why, for the love of Dog, why? Ruched taffeta dresses from Oasis OK, so there is clearly something wrong with me. Other than the obvious things, I mean. You see, almost every time I’ve opened a fashion magazine lately I’ve been confronted…

‘Lily Loves’ launches at New Look

Another week, another celebrity capsule collection… After a few days worth of boasting about how her collection would be so much better than Kate Moss’s collection for Topshop, though, the huge queues and mass hysteria Kate inspired last week were conspicuously absent from the ‘Lily Loves’ launch, and although some branches of New Look had people waiting outside for the doors to open, it doesn’t look like Kate Moss will be losing much sleep over the turnout, at least. But enough of this babble. On with the clothes! Love the first one, hate the second one, and the third? Just… meh.  The first two dresses here are £55 (which is pretty expensive for New Look, although I don’t know what…

A Collection of Beautiful Dresses

This dress has been in and out of my shopping basket this month more times than Britney’s been in and out of rehab recently. At first, I think I was drawn to it for the simple fact that hey, it was a dress with a waist, and we all know how difficult those are to find these days, don’t we? The more I look at it, though, the more I think my decision to just LET THE DRESS BE FOR GOD’S SAKE was the right one, but that doesn’t stop me making it Dress of the Day, no siree. If you want it, though, I’m afraid I procrastinated for so long that it’s now only available in the petites section….

Fashion Trend: Darimeya Tunic Dresses

Darimeya tunic dresses have been around for a while now, and the only reason it’s taken The Fashion Police so long to get round to covering them is because, well, that’s how long it’s taken me to get over my all-consuming hatred of tunics. So, basically, this is the post where I get to eat my words and admit that these tunics? Rock. The one on the left is “as seen on” Kate Moss (groan!) while the one on the right has been seen on Peaches Geldof (double groan!) and Keisha Buchanan of the Sugababes (triple groan! Groan, groan, groan!), but don’t let any of that put you of. These are more flattering than most of the sack-like tunics around,…

Crime of Fashion: Topshop’s Chambray Tunic Dress

When I whine about all of the unflattering, sack-like dresses in the stores at the moment, this is the kind of thing I’m talking about. Now, I can’t imagine ANYONE looking good in this – neither the skinniest of size 0 models or the curviest of curvy women. Because this? Is a sack. It’s just a sack, and most of us don’t really wear those too much, do we? If you like it, it#s currently reduced to £15 in the Topshop sale. I wonder why?

On Trial: Maxi Dresses

So, maxi dresses – what do you make of them? For me personally, these are to be avoided at all costs – not because there’s anything wrong with them, pe se, but because, as a bit of a short-ass, anything longer than knee-length totally drowns me. The dress on the left of this picture, with all of that billowing material, for instance, would leave me looking like nobody’s child, and while I love the print on the purple one second from the right, it would probably drag along the ground behind me, leaving me looking like an extra from some weird costume drama. So, for me, I feel like fashion has gone out of the frying pan and right into…

Dress of the Day: Bandeau Border Print Dress at ASOS

Now, why couldn’t ASOS have had something like this in stock back when I was frantically shopping for things to wear on my honeymoon last month? This dress has "summer holiday" written all over (not literally, though. That would just be weird. It would look fabulous with a light suntan (fake, natch), a pair of strappy sandals and some pretty jewellry for evening, but I think you could possibly get away with it for daytime, too, if you dress it down with some sparky flip-flops and throw a denim jacket over the top. Love it – and most importantly, it’s A DRESS WITH A WAIST! Praise the Lord for the coming of the dress with the waist… It’s £35 at…

Can you be too old for fashion?

GOD, I feel old. Too old to wear this Topshop dress, anyway, because (whisper it) I’m not actually a product of the 80s…  and there is no "product of the 1970s" dress to replace it with – aaargh! So, all of this got me wondering: can you be too old for fashion? As a product of the decade that fashion forgot, should I now be starting to think about buying in a job-lot of elastic waist jeans and twinsets, or is there fashion life in the old dog yet? I mean, I don’t want to look like mutton dressed as lamb, but I’d still quite like to shop at Topshop and remain vaugely fashionable, thanks very much. Then again, maybe…

Fraud Squad – Promod do Primark

Remember the floral tunic Primark brought out not so long ago? The one they were selling for £8, but which was permanently sold-out in store, so if you wanted it you were forced to pay a whole lot more than that on eBay? Well, do mine eyes deceive me, or is that not the exact same dress selling in Promod for £28? If it’s not the same, it’s not a kick in the ass off it as my mother would say. So why the £20 price difference, Promod?

Oi! Miss Selfridge! Sort it out!

See these two dresses? These dresses were going to be my salvation – a small victory in the ceaseless battle against tunics. "Why, those look almost like dresses with waists!" I gasped this morning as I saw them appear on the Miss Selfridge website (and yes, I know the one on the right doesn’t have much of a waist – it’s almost empire line, but it’s still lower and less sack-like than some of the monstrosities we’ve been seeing lately, and I thought it might be a useful little dress to pull on over my bikini on holiday). I was so excited I almost wet myself. (Note: not really) Can I buy either of these dresses, though? No, I cannot….

Fashion Police Amnesty on Tunics

OK fashion designers and retailers, the game’s up. I want you to come out now with the tunics above your heads (no, not like that!) and no one will get hurt here. That’s it, all the way out… You see, I’ve had enough. I have tried to love the tunic top, I really have. Hell, I even bought one. I tried to love them, in all their billowing, empire lined glory. I told myself they didn’t make me look like a pregnant lady. I told myself that why, loud, psychedelic prints could totally work. And you know what? They totally could. Just not on me. Because let’s face it: that sole tunic I bought even makes the coathanger look pregnant….

Dress of the Day: Tibi Pompeii A-line Dress

If you gave a five year old some crayons and a sheet of paper and asked him to draw you a dress, I’m pretty sure this is the kind of thing he’d come up with. (Hey, Tibi – looks like I just saved you some money on design salaries, no?) The simple, triangular shape, the bright, primary colours of the flowers. Yup, it’s childlike all right. I absolutely love it, though. It makes me smile. It’s £230 from Net-a-Porter.

Fraud Squad: Paul Smith and ASOS Do Shirt Dresses

You know that advert? The one where the man and woman are getting ready to go out, but she can’t find anything to wear, so she gets changed about a million times (because that’s what we girls are like, dontchya know!) before thinking to herself, "I know! I will totally just sling a belt around my husband’s white shirt and go out to dinner in that because it’s been washed in <insert name of washing powder> and now it’s just SO SOFT!" And then they walk into the restaurant, and she’s all, "GOD, look at me, totally rockin’ the house here in this white shirt", and everyone else is all "What a tit"? That one? Well, now you can look…

Wanted! ‘That’ Warehouse Silk Shift Dress

I think this just might turn out to be the “must have” dress of the summer. It’s already been giving the poor, belagured Warehouse staff a headache, as they deal with countless enquiries along the lines of “WHERE IS THE DRESS? GIVE ME THE DRESS!” so I’m guessing they’ll be pretty pleased that’s it’s finally come into stock. They’re not the only ones, obviously: it’s the perfect, summer beach holiday dress, and while I think it looks better on the model than it does on the Warehouse website, I still want it…

Fraud Squad: ASOS do Sienna Miller’s Marchesa Dress

She’s made more than a few fashion mistakes in her time – and how – but this Marchesa dress was one of Sienna Miller’s finest moments: no wonder ASOS have seen fit to make a cheaper version. It’s not a patch on the original, of course, but at £35 you can’t really complain, can you? It’s also available in a not-nearly-as-dramatic midnight blue. I wonder when ASOS will be bringing out the Sienna Miller style granny pants?

Crime of Fashion: Topshop’s Maxi Dungaree Dress

I’ve just double checked the calendar, but nope, it’s definitely not April 1st, so I can only assume that Topshop are being serious when they expect us to fork out £90 – NINETY POUNDS, PEOPLE! – for this dress. And OK, my own hatred for anything with the word "dungaree" in the title is well documented, but seriously, I’ve thought long and hard, and I just can’t imagine anyone who’d look good in something like this. I mean, the dress looks pregnant, even without a body in it. NINETY POUNDS they want for this – they done lost their minds…

Crime of Fashion: See by Chloe Dungaree Dress

Now, Chloe, I want you to know that it hurts us just as much as it hurts you to be calling one of your pieces a crime of fashion. You know The Fashion Police love you, Chloe: what you should also know by now, though, is that The Fashion Police have a (some would say irrational) hatred of anything to which the word “dungaree” could be implied. Dresses. Pants. It’s all the same to us, Chloe: if it has that distinctive “dungaree” look, we’re going to call “crime of fashion!” on it. We see no reason whatsoever why grown women should want to dress as giant toddlers – or giant, pregnant toddlers, as this dress would make us all look….