Let’s just hope she doesn’t decide to have a lie-down any time soon. We wouldn’t want anyone mistaking her for this, after all: SUSPECT: Roberto Cavalli animal print gown (sold out: boo!)
These dresses have a combined value of $1,595. And yet…we don’t really need to state the obvious here, do we? According to Opening Ceremony, who are selling these, the “energy” behind the collection comes from “English council estate girls” and “90s Seattle”. We’ll let English council estate girls and residents of 90s Seattle decide whether or not they’re offended by that (all we can say is that we may not have lived in 90s Seattle, but we’ve certainly seen lots of girls from council estates, and none of them have been dressed like this. And if you even suggested that they buy a $600 dress that looked like it had been dragged out of a rubbish bin, they’d laugh from…
Can’t decide whether to wear your tube dress or your denim mini skirt? Don’t be silly, people: you don’t HAVE to decide! Well, not as long as designers persist with the terrible habit of sticking random items of clothing together, anyway. We’re not totally sure what the purpose of this one was supposed to be, but we’re thinking she looks like she’s wearing a very long top underneath her very long skirt. Which is…one kind of look, certainly. Is it your kind of look, though? Click here to buy it if you answered yes…
Let’s just hope it doesn’t ever get warm enough for her to want to take off that denim jacket. Because if she does, everything else she’s wearing is going to come with it… Stuck-Together-Clothes: The Fashion Police’s biggest enemy. [See by Chloe dress, £192, Yoox.com]
Last summer, exaggerated tulip dresses were everywhere. This summer? Meet the flower vase dress. Best worn with TV arial hair and Gaga-esque platforms, this is $1,284 by Moonspoon Saloon. We love looking at, we have to admit: as for wearing it, though, well, would you?
As much as we love Victoria Beckham and her amazing dress collection, the fact that they’re: a) the price of a used car, and b) permanently sold out, anyway kind of puts the dampers on our hopes of ever owning one. Luckily, though, there’s no shortage of other brands taking inspiration from Mrs Beckham, and one of our favourites right now is Diva Catwalk. Their Mayfair dress differs from Victoria Beckham’s colourblock pencil dress in a number of small ways, but none of them detract from the overall look, which is very similar. Which do you prefer? Diva Catwalk Mayfair dress, £99: click here to buy Victoria Beckham colour block dress, $2295: click here to buy
White cherry retro wiggle dress, £89 Click here to buy it
(PREMIUM OMBRE FRINGE CAPE BY DRESS UP TOPSHOP) We don’t know about you guys, but we’re not really seeing “fringed dress” here. We’re seeing one of those women who refuses to cut their hair for like, 40 years, and ends up with it trailing along somewhere at ankle height, all dead and creepy looking. By comparison, the, er, “hair” on this dress is actually quite shiny. Does that make it any better, though? Are you currently doing seal claps over the edgy, fashion-forward dress you see before you? Well, some people obviously are, because it’s already sold it in medium/large, which means that only the small/medium fashionistas among you will be able to wear this, and only if you have…
Any Bruce Lee fans in the house? Here’s your new dress! It’s by Ground Zero, it’s $620, and it will allow you to attach the teeny-tiny body of Bruce to your own head. Because that won’t look weird at all. You’re welcome! [Click here to buy it]
The theme of Azumi & David’s Autumn/Winter 2012 collection is “Keeping It Surreal”, and they definitely don’t disappoint with these t-shirt dresses, which are designed to look like other pieces of clothing. We think these are really clever and well done (and a good way to wear that tight little black dress and still be comfortable into the bargain), with their “made you look” quality. As for the scarves, well, let’s just say you might want to be careful how you drape those “hands”… people WILL talk, you know… For more images, check out the Azumi & David website, here.
Suspect: Easton Pearson printed dress, £865 at Net-a-Porter Accused of: Crimes against fashion including creating the illusion of a totally rectangular body shape; being laughably expensive Well, that’s one way to disguise a food baby, that’s sure. Or any little lumps and bumps you’re feeling a little bit self-conscious about. Or, you know, your whole figure. Because who wants to look like a human being when you could be a giant, walking rectangle? WHO? [Click here to buy it]
“No, seriously you guys: I literally have nothing to wear! I just had to tie my boyfriend’s shirt around my torso and hope people will think it’s a fashion statement!” Don’t you just hate laundry day? And admire the creativity of this model, who managed to craft herself something to wear, when all she had was her boyfriend’s old shirt and a pair of nail scissors? And people say the youth of today are lazy! Viktor & Rolf shirt dress, £275, Yoox.com: click here to buy it.
Net-a-Porter have been promoting this Jil Sander dress fairly heavily this week, which puzzles us a little, because we’re seeing a dinner lady’s apron with some kind of protective fabric over the top. You know, so you can wipe it clean. Are you seeing something else when you look at this dress? Something good? If you are, you better speak up, because otherwise this is going straight to fashion jail. So: innocent or guilty, what’s the verdict?
We’ve long been fans of the small-but-perfectly-formed clothing boutique Joy, which is known for its cute and often quirky pieces, but this summer we’re in love with pretty much everything they have available. Well, how could we resist a collection which includes feminine florals, must-have mint, and enough stripes and polka dots to keep even us happy? You’ll find a selection of our current favourites under the jump, and everything on the page is available to buy here…
What? We’re not being mean, folks: she really does look like she’s wearing a potato sack. Because she IS wearing a potato sack. And she has Jeremy Scott to thank for it. So, how much does a designer potato sack cost these days, anyway? Oh, only $185. Not much at all, really. [Click here if YOU want to look like a sack of potatoes, too.)
Does anyone else suddenly have the urge to do some stomach crunches? Oh no, wait: this is £2,006 / $3,174, which means we couldn’t afford it even if we DID want to give new meaning to the phrase “body concious”. We’re pretty relieved, to be honest. Can someone pass us another slice of pizza? [Product Page]
Scenic print dress, £85 We know many of you can’t see a full-skirted summer dress without thinking of either grandma or Betty Draper, but for those who can (or who actually WANT to look like grandma or Betty Draper), all we can say to you is get thee to Oasis. It’s currently a veritable… well, oasis, really… of 50s style sun dresses. Here are a few of our favourites:
As some of you may know, The Fashion Police are big fans of the colour green, and we’re not averse to bows on the neck either. And yet… as soon as we laid eyes on this Viktor & Rolf dress, we just fell about laughing. And we can’t seem to stop. In fact, we’re laughing as we type this now. It’s like she’s dressed as a lettuce for Halloween. And, judging by the slightly stunned expression on her face, this photo seems to capture the exact moment when she realises she’s spent $1,645 to look like this: classic! Do you think there’s a way this dress could work? Or do you agree with us that it’s a Crime of Fashion?…
We were all ready to set the emergency siren wailing and slide down the pole in the HQ (That’s how things work around here, by the way. We may be Fashion Police, but for the real emergencies, we react more like Fashion Fire Fighters.), until we read the product description and realised this is actually a “beach dress”. After that, we called off the red alert, but we have to admit, we’re still pretty confused, because seriously: what’s the point? Call us old-fashioned (many people do), but we’ve always operated under the assumption that a beach cover-up is supposed to do exactly that: cover you up, either when you’ve had too much sun, or when you didn’t bother to follow…
Is it Halloween already? Or did this poor girl just think the invitation said “come in costume”? Bless her heart… Holy Tee ‘Cleo’ single sleeve dress, $286, Shopbop