Crimes of Fashion

Fashion Crime Friday |Ugly pants, under arrest

This week’s Fashion Crime roundup has a ‘Terrible Trousers’ theme. “Terrible in what way, Fashion Police?” we hear you ask. Well, let’s take a look… Suspect # 1 | The ‘2 Become 1’ Pants [Buy them here] You all know by now how we feel about Stuck Together Clothes Crimes, but we don’t think it gets much worse than when a pair of drop-crotch sweatpants (At least, we THINK they’re drop-crotch. It’s hard to tell when they’re designed to look like they’re permanently falling down…) is stuck to a pair of acid-wash jeans. The only thing worse than that would be if… nope, actually, we were right the first time: there’s NOTHING worse than that. And while SOME Stuck-Together-Clothes Crimes…

Fashion Crime Friday | Fashionable face masks and other crimes of fashion

It’s Fashion Crime Friday, everyone! Let’s line up our style suspects, ready for your judgement! Suspect # 1: Meadham Kirchhoff rubber apron Buy it here Remember the Meadham Kirchhoff for Topshop line, and how it looked like an army of Santa’s little elves had broken into a sex shop and played dress-up in it? This is the kind of thing that inspired it. This wouldn’t look out of place in the aforementioned sex shop, but it’s being sold at high-fashion website Far Fetch, at the sale price of £1637, so that brings it into our jurisdiction, and also makes us wonder where they were expecting people to wear this? To be fair, though, the sale price IS quite a saving…

The Emperor’s New Tops by Topshop Boutique

[All items: Topshop] “Hmmm,” we thought, “Those are some cute sweatshirts. Bit pricey at £50 each, mind you, but still: unusual colours, inoffensive enough shapes…. Nope, no crime being committed here, that’s for sure!” Then we clicked on to the model images, and… Oh. It’s like that, is it. The visible labels are the best, aren’t they? They really make the outfit, you know? So edgy! Now, we hate to point out the glaringly obvious here, and we do realise that these are (probably) intended to be layered over other items, but even so, there’s just no getting away from the fact that these garments are almost invisible to the naked eye. They’re just one small step away from wearing…

Just when we thought leggings-as-pants couldn’t get any worse…

Murmur stretch leggings, £117 And they’re £117, too. That seems reasonable for a pair of glorified tights, no? No? In fairness, there’s really nothing to suggest that these leggings will ever be worn as pants. Well, nothing other than the small fact that leggings ALWAYS seem to end up being worn as pants these days, don’t they? And also the fact that if you were shopping from this brand, you might find yourself tempted to wear them with this: Murmur t-shirt, £91 Awesome: a t-shirt that’ll make everyone briefly think that someone’s reaching up to play with your… peaches. Or whatever that’s supposed to be in the disembodied hand. Want to take a closer look? Here you go: Murmur jersey…

Fashion Crime Friday | Psychedelic jumpsuits, and other crimes of fashion

We begin this week’s Fashion Crime Friday roundup with an outfit that makes those “meggings” we featured earlier this week seem like the very height of style: Suspect # 1: Whatever this is: [Buy it here] Honestly, we’re not even sure what we’re looking at here. As always, however, we’d be absolutely fascinated to know what makes someone thing, “You know, I reckon today calls for a lace bodysuit under a firry/studded tank top. Oh, and maybe a nice little “socks with sandals” combo, just to finish it off!” We may never know. Suspect # 2: Cover page cut-out booties [Buy them here] Now, these we’re just not sure about. Most of you loved last week’s gladiator flatforms (and we’ve set them…

Would your man wear meggings?

We’ve written about “‘meggings” here before (For those of you who’ve never heard of them, “meggings” = “men’s leggings”), but they’ve been back in the public eye recently, thanks to a site called Meggings Man Clothing, which claims that meggings are about to be the next big thing in men’s fashion, and that pretty soon our male friends and relatives will be walking around looking a little bit like this: [Buy here] OK, maybe not EXACTLY like this, because that’s pretty hard to imagine. Seriously: picture just about any man you know. Now picture him wearing a pair of gold leggings. Can you do it? We can’t – or perhaps we just don’t want to, because although we fully support…

Crimes of Fashion | Sack dress, flatforms & other style suspects

We kick off this week’s fashion crime line-up with a double-whammy: Suspect # 1: This entire outfit [Buy here] The individual elements of this little ensemble – shoes and dress – would be bad enough on their own. Put them together and we have a two-pronged attack on the eyes, and a double-murder of style. The shoes are flatforms, and although they’re not the WORST examples we’ve ever seen, that gives them automatic fashion crime status. The dress, meanwhile, looks almost like someone’s brave first attempt at sewing from their own pattern: simply take two rectangles, stitch them together, leaving spaces for the head, arms and legs, and bingo! Saks describe it as “decidedly dramatic”. Which is ONE way of…

Piers Atkinson puts unicorns, trolls and gorillas on hats

Hey! Adults! Quick question for you! Would you wear this? (And no, we don’t know what the gorilla is doing to the troll. We’re not sure we WANT to know, either…) How about this? Or maybe this? Like the unicorn, but hate the baseball cap it’s attached to? Maybe you’d prefer the headband version: And you’ve always wanted to walk around with a giant inflatable bow on your head, right? Or perhaps you’re a Princess, and you want the world to know it? Or maybe not. Here’s the thing about this headgear: although it LOOKS like it was probably designed for toddlers (Like so much of what passes for modern fashion…) these definitely aren’t the kind of price-points you’d associate with…

Crimes of Fashion | This Week’s Arrests

It’s our first Fashion Crime Friday, and we have to say, it’s been a slow start to the year, crime-wise. We’re not sure if it’s something to do with the sales still being on and not much new stock being released, or whether the freezing temperatures are just keeping fashion criminals indoors, but our officers have only recorded a handful of crimes in their little black boots this week, starting off with… Fendi, £500 Suspect # 1: Fendi’s £500 “Dungarees” This suspect is described as “dungarees” in the product description, but we’re mostly seeing a batwinged playsuit, with no apparent purpose. We GUESS it could work as a swimsuit cover-up, but £500 seems like a lot to pay for an…

The Ugliest Tops of 2013

So far our 2013 retrospective has taken us through the dresses, trousers and shoes sections of the Fashion Police jail. That leaves just one clothing item for us to take a look back: the tops! From the “offensive/not offensive” debate surrounding American Apparel’s ‘Period Power’ t-shirt, to the unusually high number of tops which appeared to give the wearer’s nipples a set of eyes, 2013 was another bad year in the world of the top. Would you wear any of these tops? Take a look at the gallery and tell us what you think! Gallery: The Ugliest Tops of 2013

The Ugliest Shoes of 2013

Happy new year, Fashion Force! We trust you all had an awesome and stylish start to the year, and are ready to get on with the important business of fighting all of the fashion crimes we’re sure to encounter in 2014. Before we get on to that, though, we still have to finish our 2013 Crime Retrospective, and today we’re looking at the wonderful – and sometimes not-so-wonderful- world of shoes. Now, we generally try to leave all things footwear-related to our sister site, ShoeperWoman, but we did step in to make a few footwear-related arrests last year, and you’ll find them rounded up in the gallery below. Are these the ugliest shoes of 2013? Take a look and find…

ugliest trousers of 2013

The Ugliest Trousers of 2013

Happy Friday, everyone! We hope you had a good Christmas if you were celebrating, and that you’re enjoying the holiday season. Our officers are currently responding to fashion emergencies only, so today we’re continuing our look back at the fashion crimes of 2013, with a roundup of some truly terrible trousers. Trousers account for a large section of the Fashion Police jail, and rather than attempting to sort them into their various categories, we’ve decided simply to lump them all together: ugly pants, united in crimes. Trousers, leggings, shorts, jumpsuits – if it has two legs, basically, and we arrested it in the past year, you’ll find it here. Oh, except for jeans. Jeans have their own section of the…

The Worst Denim of 2013

Good morning Fashion Police officers! With the Christmas holiday fast approaching, we expect those of you with some time-off booked for this week will be feeling pretty de-mob happy by now: we know we are! Rather than get to work hunting down brand new crimes of fashion, then, we figured we’d leave that until next year, and continue our look back through the 2013 archives instead. Today, it’s the turn of our old friend – and occasional foe – denim. The one fabric we should be able to depend on when we don’t know what else to wear, denim can be a very, very good thing indeed. However, it can also be very, very bad, and those are the times…

Crime of Fashion? Fendi fox mink and rabbit “monster” earmuffs

  You know PETA have their work cut out for them when a pair of $1,500 earmuffs made from fox, mink and rabbit fur, and looking like THIS sells out at Net-a-Porter within a few hours, don’t you? We know our remit is style, rather than ethics, and as leather-wearing carnivores, we hesitate to cast too many stones here, but with so many excellent faux-furs on the market these days, we do have to question why brands like Fendi persist in using animal fur to create items like this. To bring the topic back to style, however, we ALSO have to question who, exactly, buys this kind of thing, and whether it’s the LOOK of the item, or the simple…

The Ugliest Dresses of 2013

Each year, as December comes to a close, The Fashion Police like to take a look back through the case files, and round up some of the worst fashion crimes of the year just gone. This year, we’re starting off with a look at the dress section of our jailhouse, so sit back, relax (if you can), and take a look at our gallery of the ugliest dresses of 2013! (Note: These products go right back to the start of the year, and many – if not most – are now out of stock.  We’re pretty sure you’ll be able to live with this knowledge, but just in case you can’t, we’ve indicated where each dress came from on the…

The Worst Onesies | Adult Onesies and Why We Hate Them

Peguin onesie Despite the best efforts of The Fashion Police, it seems the adult onesies trend continues to thrive. Just a few days ago, in fact, we received a press release informing us that a onesie is “the perfect Christmas gift” for “everyone on your list”, and we wanted to weep at the thought of all of those people excitedly ripping open their gifts on Christmas day, only to discover a giant babygrow shaped like a dinosaur inside. Oh, the humanity! We WANTED to weep. We didn’t, though, because we’re well aware that we stand (more or less) alone on the issue of adult onesies. We’ll continue to fight the good fight against them, but the fact is: most of…

one legged harem pants

Fashion Crime Friday | Fishnet jeans and other crimes of fashion

Greetings, Fashion Crime Fighters! With just one week left before we start winding down for the holiday season, we’re running out of time to clear the streets of fashion failures before hanging up our hats for the holidays. Let’s get right to business, then, and ask you what on EARTH is going on with these pants: Now, we don’t expect much from Just Cavalli, it’s true. Or many of the high-end designers, actually. We DO expect, however – and think everyone has the right to expect – that when we buy a pair of $300 jeans, our underwear won’t be on show at all times in them: To be fair, that MIGHT not be the model’s underwear we can see…

Fashion Crime Friday | Black Friday Fashion Crimes

Happy Friday, Style Squad! Or “unhappy Friday”, depending on how you feel about these potential crimes of fashion… Style Suspect#1: Chloe’s Stuck-Together-Clothes Crime This was bad enough when we thought it was simply an ugly sweater layered over the top of an almost equally ugly denim dress. Then we realised the sweater was, in fact, STUCK to the dress. And that the entire, terrible combination had an original retail price of £530, recently reduced to £330. (It’s still available in some sizes at that price. The fact that it didn’t sell out immediately gives us a small amount of hope for humanity.) We’re charging it with Stuck-Together-Clothes Crimes, with the additional possibility of  a Daylight Robbery charge. Double the crime,…

Ugg boots were the most searched-for “fashion” item on Black Friday

Ugg boots have long been considered a crime of fashion here at TFP HQ, but there are plenty of people out there who disagree with us, as evidenced by the fact that the stumpy sheepskin boots were the most searched-for women’s “fashion” item on black Friday, according to Google. We’re using the word “fashion” in inverted commas here because we refuse to take Ugg boots seriously as “fashion” items. Sure, we can see how they’d come in handy on a cold (but dry: soggy Ugg boots made it on to our own list of winter fashion crimes just last month, remember) winter day: they’d keep your feet warm while you were out walking the dog, say, or doing some other…

Introducing the Sleeping-Bag Skirt

Comme des Garcons sleeping bag skirt, £160 Feeling the chill this winter? Feeling, er, a little bit sleepy into the bargain? This Comme des Garcons skirt will solve both of those problems with one, stripey, blow, but you better be quick: having been reduced from the original £319 to the bargain price of £160, there’s now only one of these left, in a size medium. Who’ll be the lucky lady to gets to wear this? If it’s you, please promise to come back and tell us how – and where – you wore it? Buy it here