Crimes of Fashion

Fashion Crime Friday | The Worst Jeans in the World, and other crimes of fashion

Greetings, Style Sleuths. We’ve no time to chat on this Fashion Crime Friday, because there are important questions which must be answered. Questions like, “Are these the ugliest jeans we’ve ever seen?” Suspect # 1 | Possibly the ugliest jeans ever [Buy them here] The competition is stiff, but we do believe that, yes, these could well be the worst pair of $675 jeans we’ve ever arrested. In their defence, they ARE on sale, though… for $405. Which is MUCH more reasonable. [Buy it here] Suspect # 2 | The Detached Sleeve Sweater Every so often, some brand or designer will decide it would be a unique idea to add non-functioning sleeves to a garment, and to tie them around…

crimes of fashion

Fashion Crime Friday | Body Parts, and other crimes of fashion

This week’s Fashion Crime Friday roundup has a bit of a “body parts” theme. We apologise in advance for any distressed caused by the following swimsuit: [Buy it here] Suspect # 1 | Black Milk ‘Dem Guts’ Swimsuit  This is fairly typical for Black Milk, who make some awesome Halloween costumes, with the only issue being that they’re not actually Halloween costumes. Have they gone  too far, though, with this fairly graphic representation of, well, dem guts? All we’ll say is that you’d certainly need some guts to wear it… [Buy it here] Suspect # 2 | The HANDbag It’s a HANDbag, geddit? We’re not sure it’s a crime of fashion, exactly, but it’s kinda creepy, and it’s also kinda…

Fashion Crime Friday | The Easter Teddy, and other crimes of fashion

Happy Friday, Style Sleuths! We hope you have your thinking caps on this morning, because we begin our round up of possible crimes of fashion with a mystery item: Suspect # 1 | The Easter Teddy [Buy it here for $360] We haven’t called this item “The Easter Teddy” just to confuse you (although it certainly confused US when we first saw it), that’s its actual name. No, we have no idea either. As for what it IS, well, it’s OBVIOUSLY a hat, d’uh! And what a hat it is, too! Unfortunately you’re going to have to just use your imagination if you want to know what it looks like on a head, because either they couldn’t find a model…

Fashion Crime Friday | Fashion Fails of the Week

This week’s Fashion Crime Friday kicks off with a double-whammy: a fashion fail AND a Photoshop fail, wrapped into one: [Buy them here for $56.96] Suspect # 1 | The Long-Legged Jeans Look at where the model’s kneecap is. Now look at how much leg there is underneath it. Either these are the longest legs in the whole world, or someone got a bit carried away with the ol’ Photoshop. Still, at least it distracted us from the jeans… for a little while, at least. [Buy them here] Suspect # 2 | The Hairy Pencil Skirt We weren’t sure whether to show you the skirt or the top. so we decided to be generous and show you them both. You’d…

Buffalo shoes and the unholy alliance of food and feet

All styles available at Schuh We don’t know about you, but we just can’t think about food without also thinking about feet, can you? Oh no, wait: yes we can. In fact, feet are pretty much the LAST thing we want to think about in connection with food. Come to think of it, feet are one of the last things we want to think about AT ALL, because let’s face it: feet are pretty gross, aren’t they? (Quick aside to all the foot fetishes who comment on our Instagram and email asking for foot photos: you don’t have to answer that one…) Shoe brand Buffalo want you to make a connection between food and feet, folks. So much so, in…

Fashion Crime Friday | Tie dress, tie pants and other crimes of fashion

Good morning, Fashion Crime Fighters, and welcome to Fashion Crime Friday! We’re kicking things off this week with a little something known as the “tie dress”: [Buy it here for $520] The back view is the best bit, isn’t it? It’s hard to image how you’d be able to bend over – or even lean forward slightly – in this without showing the world your underwear, but perhaps that’s all part of the “edgy” fun. We’d understand this a little better if it was a tunic rather than a dress – a tunic that’s been shredded, and then knotted – because at least that would eliminate the “knickers” issues, but… actually, no, we’re lying: we wouldn’t understand it at all….

Iris Van Herpen X United Nude Biopiracy Boots: the strangest shoes ever?

Iris Van Herpen X United Nude Biopiracy Boots, £1,245 Neither United Nude or Iris Van Herpen are known for producing “ordinary” designs, so it should come as no surprise that these boots are the result of a collaboration between the two. Oh yeah: these are boots, by the way. Sorry, was that not clear from the photos? It’s MOST clear from the final shot, in which you can see what appears to be the back of a shoe, embedded in what appears to be part of Darth Vader. (Which would give us an excellent idea for a Halloween costume, actually, if it weren’t for the small fact that these cost £1,245 per pair.) That aside, though, these are definitely one…

Fashion Crime Thursday

Quick programming note before we start: we normally bring you our Fashion Crime roundup on a Friday, but we’re going to be taking a couple of days off for the Easter break, so rather than deprive you of the sight of terrible items of clothing, we’re calling this Thursday the new Friday. Or something. We’ll be back to our usual posting schedule on Tuesday, but until then, here’s your Fashion Crime Friday, on a Thursday, starting off with suspect #1… [From Louisa Via Roma] Suspect # 1 | The strangest shoes we ever did see They almost got away with this. At first, our officers were so busy investigating the skirt – which is the items that’s for sale here…

Fashion Crime Friday | Furry footwear and other crimes of fashion

Furry footwear: we’ve been trying hard to remember if there’s ever been an example of that particular look that we HAVEN’T considered to be a crime of fashion, but nope, we don’t think there has. In fact, we think we can declare with confidence that, as far as we’re concerned, the addition of fur to a shoe or boot will almost always add instant “Fashion Crime” status. Double-the-crime if it’s REAL fur that’s been used to uglify an item of clothing. Case in point: [Buy them here for $1,145] Suspect # 1 | Pierre Hardy – Mixed Media Fur-Front Sneakers To be fair, we’ve never been sneaker fans at the best of times, and that’s why you won’t see us hopping…

Fashion Crime Friday | ‘Fat Pants’ and other crimes of fashion

We begin this week’s Fashion Crime roundup with the awesome news that now you can wear pants that are THIS big: Buy them here for $405 Suspect # 1 | The Fat Pants OK, so this only counts as “awesome news” is you have a lot of stuff you want to store in your hips. And also if you think $405 is a good deal for this amount of fabric. Oh, and before you start yelling at us, let us just stress that we’re not just being insensitive/politically incorrect by referring to them as “Fat Pants”: that’s their ACTUAL name. Yes. Would you rather wear a paper bag than go out in these? Well, it’s your lucky day! Buy them…

Fashion Crime Friday | Tuxedo dresses, stirrup socks and other crimes of fashion

Attention all officers: it’s Fashion Crime Friday, and the following Style Suspects are going to have to be processed before you can hang up your police badges for the weekend. Here’s our first victim – we mean “suspect”: [Buy it here for £1,072] Suspect # 1 | The Tuxedo Dress This keeps on happening, and we’ve no idea why. Why are tuxedo dresses a thing now? Why do we need these half dress/half jumpsuit hybrids? Why, in OUR day, people either wore dresses, or they wore tuxedos: they had no need to wear both of them simultaneously. Of course, this was all fields, then. Hey, you kids! Get off our lawn! Almost as bad as the tuxedo dress is THIS…

Fashion Crime Friday | Mohair jeans and other crimes of fashion

Welcome to Fashion Crime Friday, everyone: it’s our weekly roundup of some of the style suspects we’ve got locked up in our jail, and it’s up to you to decide whether to grant them bail, or simply throw away the key. Today we’re going to dive right in with these jeans: Buy them here for £1,380 Suspect # 1 | Mohair jeans We could probably stop right here, because honestly, what could be worse than mohair jeans? Except £1,380 mohair jeans, that is. £1,380 RIPPED mohair jeans. With a high waist. And a cropped, yet slightly flared let. Nothing could make these worse, right? Buy it here for £1,380 Suspect # 2 | Mohair denim jacket Oh yeah: THAT could…

Fifty Fashion Fails (According to a new survey)

Another day, another survey designed to find out which items constitute the worst crimes of fashion imaginable – the fifty fashion fails of all time, if you will. This study was commissioned by PromotionalCodes.org.uk, who asked 475 people to name their top style hates. The results are interesting, and occasionally baffling. There are a few duplicates (there’s not a HUGE difference between a “trucker hat” and a “baseball cap”, for instance, and we reckon “ripped clothes” and “ripped jeans” could probably have been combined), and it’s also clear that the people surveyed were from the UK, and still remember the 80s: shell suits, scrunchies, shoulder pads and the UK’s love of leisurewear all figure prominently in the list. While we…

Fashion Crime Friday | Floating ankle cuffs and other crimes of fashion

It’s Fashion Crime Friday, everyone, and we’re kicking things off with what has to be the saddest, saggiest jumpsuit we ever did see: [Buy it here] Suspect # 1 | The Deformed Jumpsuit We guess if your aim when getting dressed is to make yourself look slightly deformed , this this guy is for you. What’s that strange bulge on the inside of the model’s right knee? Oh yeah: it’s her crotch. Silly us. Now we know that this jumpsuit exists in the world, these trousers don’t seem quite as bad: [Buy them here] Suspect # 2 | The £600 genie pants They’re like modern genie pants, which we guess might seem like a good idea to some of you,…

Fashion Crime Friday | Sock brogues and other crimes of fashion

Greetings, Fashion Police readers and officers. We begin this Fashion Crime Friday roundup with the disturbing news that Shopbop’s strange obsession with what they describe as “chap jeans” is still in full force: Suspect #1| R13 knitted chap jeans, $495 Leggings stuck to shorts, and then attacked by Jack the Clothes Ripper. With multiple charges against them, these things are never getting out of of Fashion Police jail, are they? Oh, and we don’t love the shoes either: they’re creating an uncomfortable looking “toe overhang”, and no one likes an over-hanging toe, do they? As bad as our first suspects may be, however, they’re actually not the WORST trousers we arrested this week. THESE were the worst trousers we arrested…

Fashion Crime Friday | The Worst of Both Worlds

It’s Fashion Crime Friday, everyone! Let’s hope you’re all feeling much more cheerful than the woman modelling our first suspect: [Buy here] Suspect # 1 | Daniele Carlota spandex jumpsuit She doesn’t look happy. We don’t blame her. After all, she IS wearing a strange halfway-house of an outfit: half jumpsuit, half culottes. It has one shoulder and one leg, and is either the best of both worlds or the very worst of them. We’ll leave that up to you to decide.  Meanwhile, we’re moving on to… [buy here] Suspect # 2 |  Zara dungarees and crop top combo Although we’d personally hate the dungarees regardless of what they were worn with, this is mostly a matter of bad styling,…

Moschino makes McDonald’s-themed clothing, charges small fortune for it

Do not adjust your sets, Fashion Police officers: this is not an early April Fool’s prank, it’s just what happens when Jeremy Scott takes over at Moschino: Moschino ‘Fast Food’ collection, available at Louisa Via Roma Fast food/fast fashion. Geddit? It’s just SO IRONIC. Especially given that you’d be dressed like a McDonald’s employee* or, well, a bag of food, but – and here’s the kicker – your outfit would’ve cost you ALMOST £500. So funny. So ironic. So absolutely mind-bending to think that people will actually pay this much money in order to wear this stuff. The question has to be asked, however: D’you want fries with that? Because if you do, Moschino can help with that, too: We’re…

Fashion Crime Friday | Good Shoes Go Bad, and other crimes of fashion

We kick off this week’s Fashion Crime Friday roundup with a pair of shoes we’d literally want to “kick off”. And as soon as possible, too… £922 @ Neiman Marcus Suspect #1 | Prada asymmetric suede sandals Remember the infamous Balanciaga ‘Lego’ shoes from a few years ago? We do. They were one of our very first arrests, actually. They’re still in the cells to this day, now we come to think of it: we can’t imagine those things EVER getting out. But we digress. These Prada creations remind us of those shoes, which we reckon is reason enough to arrest them, no questions asked. These shoes don’t actually resemble LEGO, per se, but all of those primary colours, combined with…

Fashion Crime Friday | I Wore A Watermelon, and other crimes of fashion

Happy Fashion Crime Friday, everyone! As today is Valentine’s Day (Which is MUCH less important than the fact that it’s Fashion Crime Friday, but anyway…) we thought we’d start off with something pink and girlie: [buy it here] Suspect # 1 | Ammerman Schlosberg ‘Lolita’ dress If you’re into the ‘Lolita’ style this dress is named after, you might just want us to set this one free. Then again, the fact that bail has been set at the retail price of $2,760 might make you think twice about that… Sticking with Opening Ceremony for the moment: [Buy them here] Suspect # 2 | Watermelon leggings After all these years, you’d think leggings would have become “normalised” to the point where…

Accessories to the Crime | More Piers Atkinson headbands

OK: we know Piers Atkinson has been in Fashion Police custody ever since his last batch of “whimsical” headbands triggered the ‘Daylight Robbery’ alarm, but we really feel THIS needs to be addressed: Pom Pom Headband, £350 It’s £350. That;s approximately $571. Five. Hundred. Dollars. For what looks like a kid’s craft project. Piers Atkinson is onto a good thing here, clearly. He is a criminal mastermind, adapt at extracting large amounts of money from people in exchange for… pom poms. On a headband. What adult woman would wear something like this, we wonder? Look, even the model turned her back to the camera: Net-a-Porter tactfully say that “this eye-catching piece is sure to lend every look a fun focal…