Crimes of Fashion Roundup

knitted flares and matching top

ASOS are using the never-ending 70s-revival (can you still call it a “revival” if it’s been going on forever? Because we’re starting to think that if this 70s nonsense goes on any longer, it’ll stop being a ’70s revival’ and just be ‘what people wear now’. We really hope that day never comes, but ever pair of knitted flares makes it seem all the more likely…) as an excuse for all manner of fashion crimes. This isn’t even the worst example we’ve seen, but an all-beige knitted “costume” doesn’t seem like a good idea for anyone, really, does it?

floral print blouse and trousers

[Outfit: ZARA]

You can cop all the attitude you like, missy: this is a great example of why head-to-toe floral print is rarely a good idea. Actually, this and the outfit before it pretty much prove that head-to-toe ANYTHING is rarely a good idea. Like, Florence Welch could probably pull this off, but… that’s about it.

We’re not sure even Florence could make this one work, though:

fringe poncho

So, it’s a fringed poncho. Honestly, those words alone would set our “fashion crime” claxon ringing, because remember the early noughties, when ponchos were a “thing”, and everyone and their aunt had one? We remember that. We wish we didn’t, but we do, and while we weren’t huge fans of that particular style of poncho, we’re even less enamoured by this one, which looks like the kind of primitive clothing stone-age man might have fashioned for himself. Or which your four year old neice might make if you handed her a Barbie and a pair of scissors (don’t do that, though, folks: scissors and children do not mix!) and asked her to make some “clothes”. We’re willing to accept that our in-built bias against ponchos might be at work here, though. As for this, on the other hand…

soda can dress

It’s a dress that looks like a soda can. We accept no excuses.

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