Wear or Die: Cheap Monday jeans


Cheap Monday have been troubling us for some time now. From mom jeans to crazy, high waisted creations, they can be Fashion Criminals par excellence when they really put their minds to it – so much so that we’re soon going to be forced to create a Fashion Police Special Force just for them if they don’t pull their crotch socks up. But just say you had to wear a pair of Cheap Monday’s less aesthetically pleasing creations – or die. And, just to add to your dilemma, just say the only two pairs of Cheap Monday jeans available to you were the pairs shown above. Which would you choose?

I have to say, the jeans on the left of this picture make me wriggle with discomfort every time I look at them, but then, I’m not so keen on the "I spilled two different colours of paint on my white skinny jeans, but I’m wearing them anyway" look, either. You could hide the Crotch From Hell under a longline sweater, but you’d never be able to hide those Jester Legs… but then again, at least you’d be able to sit down in them.

No, it’s just too hard to decide, so I’m turning it over to you, Fashion Police readers. Which pair would you wear, if you had to wear one… or die?


  • December 5, 2007

    Wendy Hewson

    Am I allowed to cheat and choose the jeans on the right, on the condition that I could customise them by re-dying them a slightly more sensible colour – say purple or magenta, but at least both legs the same colour ?!!
    No, guess not…well then, the ones on the left are at least coverable with a longer top…

    View Comment
  • December 5, 2007


    Being an artist and a bit of a punk, I’d prefer making the ones on the right work. The high waist skinny jeans look too dang uncomfortable and disgustingly ugly.

    View Comment
  • December 5, 2007


    well, this one’s not so tough… i’d actually voluntarily wear the two-coloured ones even if i wasn’t under a death threat… dare i say, maybe i’d even buy them! with a nice punk top and a studded bracelet, and perhaps some bright coloured stilettos.
    the ones on the left could be worn under threat of death, but making sure you cover the waist thoroughly. wouldn’t pay for them though

    View Comment
  • December 6, 2007

    Monica H

    Ya’ll better than me. Just bury me NOW!!!

    View Comment
  • December 6, 2007


    The dyed jeans hurt my eyes, but at least they could be called “interesting”. It’s a hard choice, made harder still by the fact that I can’t wear skinny jeans due to my hips.
    But.. the mum-jeans COULD be hidden under a long shirt or sweater..
    Oh dear. I don’t know.
    Is death an option?

    View Comment
  • December 6, 2007


    Would modifications be allowed? Because I’d happily lop 12 or 14 inches off the ‘waistband’ of those mom jeans, put in a proper zipper and button, and have a cute pair of skinny jeans! But then again, my mods wouldn’t make them look very pretty, so I’d have to be sure to wear the jeans under a long sweater or a dress. And I’d always know about the jeans’s sordid past, and something tells me that then I’d always feel the ‘ghost’ of that godawful high-rise up under my boobage.

    View Comment
  • December 7, 2007


    I don’t even understand how the jeans on the left work. I would go with the ones on the right, despite how bad the two toned painted look is because jeans should never confuse you.

    View Comment
  • December 17, 2007


    I can’t comprehend the ugliness!
    Dang Cheap Monday you are takin’ advantage of the poor fashion slaves out there. Shame on you, capitalists!

    View Comment
  • January 11, 2008


    the right. please. the mom jeans are just too frightningly hideous. i can’t face them.
    it’s the impression of actual, physical deformity they convey that gives them their certain nightmare-ish je ne sais quoi.the two-colored numbers are really quite tame by comparison.

    View Comment
  • January 17, 2008


    wow. i’d have to say the colorful ones, because i can’t even look at that monstrosity on the right.

    View Comment
  • July 9, 2009


    The picture on the left has been photoshopped – hasn’t it? Nobody’s pelvis is that shape, I hope.

    View Comment
  • September 4, 2009


    The two-colored ones, I wouldn’t buy them, but at least they wouldn’t make me look fat!
    Normally I don’t have a problem with high-waisted jeans, but something is just wrong with those!

    View Comment
  • March 8, 2010


    at first I thought the left one was a big fat photoshop fail , it looks like the person wearing it has got two bekkens instead of one…

    I’ll go for the one on the right , looks more like the pants I usually wear

    View Comment