Fashion Crime Friday | Bloodstained jeans, and other crimes of fashion

It’s Fashion Crime Friday, which means it’s time for us to delve deep into the depths of our jailhouse, and show you some of the latest items to find themselves locked up there. This week, we have a smaller selection of fashion crimes than usual: it seems the usual suspects are laying low for some reason, so remember, if you spot a crime being committed, let us know so we can check it out!

Here comes our first suspect, wandering along as if she doesn’t have a care in the world:

crushed velvet jumpsuit

ASOS jumpsuit, £48

Everything about this image is sheer genius: the furry handbag, the clunky shoes, the POSE, the… fact that it’s a crushed velvet jumpsuit, which we haven’t seen outside of a 70s disco movie in YEARS. We don’t think we’ll ever understand fashion’s infatuation with the (saggy, shapeless) jumpsuit, just like we’ll never understand the existence of…

stuck together clothes

Comme des Garcons top, £259

…STUCK-TOGETHER CLOTHES. Still happening, after all these years. Actually, we’re not troubled quite so much by the fact that this is a scarf attached to a top, as we are by the fact that Comme des Garcons want to charge you £259 for it. What did people do BEFORE there were fashion houses to cleverly pair these troublesome items together for them, we wonder? Oh no, wait: they just did it themselves, didn’t they? Because it costs WAY less than £259 to DIY something like this.

Cheap Monday jeans

Cheap Monday jeans, $75

This look is captioned “tight jeans survivor”, which is ironic considering that the “blood” stains on these jeans don’t really make it look like anyone could possibly have survived whatever happened in them, huh? We’ll let you insert your own period-themed jokes here…

Finally, we’ve arrested a pair of these before, but Rick Owens is a fashion criminal to be reckoned again, and he’s once again looking for £319, in exchange for these shorts:

rick owens shorts

Rick Owens shorts, £319

Any takers? We didn’t think so.

Have a great weekend, everyone!


  • October 18, 2013


    I kinda like the jumpsuit. Yes, even I can’t believe it. However I wouldn’t wear it because I’m short and It would look weird.

    But those pants…oh god. Why would someone want to look like they are in their time of the month or as if they just survived a nasty train crash?

    And those shorts remind me of a shorter version of the underwear men used before someone invented proper underwear.

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  • October 21, 2013


    The shorts are especially criminal. With or without a scary thigh gap, they are easily the ugliest piece of clothing I have ever seen.

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  • October 29, 2013

    Pink Princess

    I’m not a jumpsuit fan, still, to my eyes, it’s the least criminal of all.
    The jeans are a nightmare…

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  • July 16, 2014


    I have always wanted bloodstained pants but I always imagined them white with bright red splatters not around the crotch area where people are going to think it was your period. Even if I did wear bloodstains literally at my ankles people are still going make period jokes and that the only thing stopping me from splashing red dye on white pants

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  • July 16, 2014


    And those shortest the bottom would mAke perfect underwear for when your wearing a nice dress just saying

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