October, 2012

      Jessica Ennis

      Fashion Police at the Cosmopolitan Ultimate Women of the Year Awards 2012

      Last night saw Cosmopolitan’s Ultimate Women of the Year Awards 2012 take place in London, with Kelly Osbourne being named Ultimate Style Icon. We think we’ll let our Fashion Police jurors be the judges of that one though, so take a look at the arrival photos below and tell us: is Kelly a deserving winner, based on last night’s outfits alone, or do you feel another celebrity should have taken that particular prize? (Oh, and in a bid to prevent some of the crazier comments we always get on any post featuring Kelly Osbourne, let us remind you: we’re not THAT Fashion Police. We have no connection to the E! Network, so we can’t pass on your hate mail!) [Images: PRPhotos.com]

      clown pants

      Clown pants: now on sale

      OK: first person to come up with a plausible way to wear these pants without looking like a clown wins a Fashion Police cookie. We have a feeling our cookies are safe. Which is good, because, well, we kinda already ate them all… [Buy it]

      Karen Millen pastel blue coat

      Wanted! Pastel coloured coats

      img class=”aligncenter size-full wp-image-36856″ title=”pastel coloured coats” src=”https://www.thefashionpolice.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/pastel-coloured-coats.jpg” alt=”pastel coloured coats” width=”630″ height=”436″ /> Thought pastels were just for the summer? Think again, friends. This winter, we’re pleased to see that quite a few of our favourite brands have decided to carry the summer’s pastel shades right through into their winter collections, and, specifically, into their winter coats. Now, these shades aren’t quite as practical as the traditional blacks and jewel tones found in outwear at this time of year, true. They may need a little more dry cleaning, depending on just how dirty the weather gets. But just because the weather’s dark and gloomy, it doesn’t mean our clothes have to look the same, so if you’re looking to…

      skinny jeans with lattice sides

      Crime of Fashion: Skinny acid-wash jeans with lattice sides

      There are so many things wrong with these jeans we’re just amazed they’re not being worn with a pair of peep toe boots. Then again, perhaps the stylist figured the crime was such a blatant one, we wouldn’t need the Peep Toe Boot Rule to be able to identify it? Of all of the things that boggle our minds about these jeans, though, the one we keep coming back to right now is how much worse they’d look with blue-tinged, gooseflesh legs peeking out from the “lattice” part. Because how on earth could you wear them at this time of year without freezing your ass – and legs – off? [Buy them]

      Fantasy Shopping: Suzanne ‘Kaleidoscope’ retro cocktail dress

      Could we afford this? Not even in our wildest dreams. Would we have somewhere to wear it, even if we could? Nuh-uh. Or not unless the Fashion Police uniforms get some serious upgrading, anyway. Or we decide to get married in 1955. Do any of the above points stop us totally coveting this dress, and reaching out to stroke the screen lovingly, ever time we look at it? Nope, not for a second. Well, it’s called ‘Fantasy Shopping” for a reason, you know: no one ever claimed these clothes had to be practical, did they? Just in case you don’t have an upcoming engagement at the alter, and DO have a spare $1,350 burning a hole in your bank account, here’s…

      99p party dress

      Introducing the 99p party dress

      We all like a bargain, don’t we? Well, we certainly do, anyway. And with the Christmas consumer season looming on the horizon (Christmas is “just around the corner” according to the press releases we receive. Which is actually news to us: we’d assumed it would be at the end of December, like it always is!), bargain-hunting can be even more important at this time of year: who really has the cash to splash out on an expensive, wear-once-then-consign-to-the-back-of-the-closet party dress when there are all those gifts to buy – not to mention food, and all of the other expenses that come with the season? Well, fear not, bargain hunters, for this season you will be able to buy yourself a…

      Amanda Seyfried

      Best Dressed of the Week

      The Fashion Police may be in the business of locking up fashion criminals, but we also like to give credit where it’s due, and so today we’re giving you the opportunity to decide who wins the Best Dressed of the Week Award. (Er, there is no actual reward. Your approval will be reward enough for the chosen celebrity…) Now, in placing this gallery before you, we first of all want to stress that you should not take any celebrity’s presence in it as an indication of TFP’s approval. We’ve selected these photos from the week gone by purely at random, and we pass no judgement on them at all. Because that’s your job. So tell us: who was the best…

      Giuseppe Zanotti Mixed Media Curved-Wedge Platform Ankle Boots

      Style Trial: Giuseppe Zanotti Mixed Media Curved-Wedge Platform Ankle Boots

      These exist. Should they exist, though: that is the question we’re here today to ponder. They’re by Giuseppe Zanotti, they’re a whopping £2,070, but despite costing more than a beat-up car, they’re not exactly the most versatile pieces of footwear in the world, consisting of the heel-less silhouette we’ve become oh-so-familiar with over the past few years, topped with expensive-looking Swarovski crystals and finished with cheap looking pink plastic spikes. They’re something of a contradiction then, which leaves us wondering who would wear such a thing? At the moment, all we can come up with is a teenage punk bride with a trust fund. Your guesses are welcome. Oh, as are your judgements on whether or not these constitute a crime of fashion… [Buy them]

      Miss Selfridge party dress

      Roundup: Ten Perfect Party Dresses

      Most days, we’re happy to be out there, trawling the internet for crimes of fashion, and keeping style safe from fashion criminals. Other days, we just want to look at some pretty dresses. Today is one of the “other days”, so here are ten of our current favourite party dresses from the UK high street: enjoy!

      Style Trial: Kylie Minogue in gingham at the Q Awards

      [Images: PRPhotos.com] We’re not entirely sure how we managed to miss this, but the Q Awards took place in London this week, and Kylie Minogue rocked up in this unusual gingham number, which looks a bot like something took a bite out of her shoulder and she was forced to quickly patch up the hole with a piece of mis-matched fabric. We love Kylie, but we can’t allow our personal feelings get in the way when it comes to fighting crimes of fashion, so we must ask you: is Kylie committing one here?

      Fashion Police Checkpoint

      Fashion Police Checkpoint: What are you wearing right now?

      It’s been a while since our last Fashion Police Checkpoint, so we decided to find out what everyone’s wearing on this fine Wednesday afternoon! If you’re a regular reader, you know the drill: before you can proceed through the checkpoint and get on with your day, you must first of all step to the side and give us a complete inventory of everything you’re wearing right this very second. No cheating: remember, The Fashion Police see all! Tell us, then: what are you wearing right now? 

      crime of fashion

      Winter woolies, fashion criminal style

      Well, as long as your thighs are warm, who cares about freezing your butt and back? That seems to be the thinking behind this item, anyway. And really, this isn’t so much a fashion crime as it is a fashion mystery: the kind of thing that makes us shake our head and wonder who on earth would look at something like this and think, “£125? Oh HELL yes: this is just the thing that’s missing from my life!” Would you? [Buy it]

      Elizabeth Moss in short-shorts

      Style Trial: Elizabeth Moss in short-shorts

      January Jones wasn’t the only Mad Men star to walk the, er, black carpet at the Paley Centre last night: co-star Elizabeth Moss was also in attendance, wearing a pair of short, tailored shorts with a matching jacket and orange shirt. Elizabeth has seemed to be having a little more fun with her outfits since giving her hair the chop earlier this year: what do you think of this particular look? [Images: PRPhtos.com]

      January Jones pink shift dress

      Style Trial: January Jones does 60s style in pink shift dress

      It’s not remotely “Betty Draper”, but there is something a bit 60s-inspired about this pink shift dress and flicked-out bob, worn by January Jones to the Paley Centre for media’s 2012 benefit last night. What do you think of January’s pepto-pink look: fashion crime or damn fine? [Images: PRPhotos.com]

      Frightening Fashion: Meadham Kirchoff monster-print faux fur jacket

      Frightening Fashion: Meadham Kirchoff monster-print faux fur jacket

      Halloween is “just around the corner”, as we are reminded by helpful press releases at least twenty times per day, so we thought it only appropriate to show you a piece of truly frightening fashion. When we say “frightening”, though, we’re not just referring to the monster face on the front of this Meadham Kirchoff jacket. We’re also referring to the £4,455 price tag. For faux fur. (Not that real fur would make this any better, obviously. Actually, it would make it considerably worse, because it would mean some poor animal had died for it. But at least it would to some way towards explaining the price tag, no?) Want to see what it looks like on? Your wish is…

      crochet platform boots

      Crime of Fashion: Crochet platform boots

      When we were forced to interview a pair of Christian Louboutin boots last week, on suspicion of committing crimes of fashion, we knew things must be pretty bad in the footwear world. We didn’t realise quite HOW bad things were, however, until we came across these crochet platform boots. The product description alone would’ve been enough to tip us off that something was seriously amiss here, but one glance at the suspect confirmed it: these are $600 boots, people, but they look like something the dog chewed. And which wouldn’t even have been particularly attractive before that happened. Also: crochet boots. Anyone care to explain the actual point of that? Anyone? [Buy them]

      penis pants

      Do you see what we see? Marni’s genitalia pants

      Er, guys? Quick question, just to reassure ourselves we’re not seeing things: does anyone  else look at these pants and see… well, a kind of crude depiction of the male genitalia, such as you might see graffiti’d on a wall, on on a desk in a high school? If you CAN see now it now that we’ve mentioned it: do you think you’ll ever be able to UN-see it? Because we certainly can’t. Just for the benefit of those of you who CAN’T see what we’re talking about, and who are sitting there tut-tutting about “Those Fashion Police officers and their dirty minds!”, let us just quickly reassure you that we’d have arrested these even without the you know what: Great…

      Nicholas Kirkwood Two Faces Pointed Toe Boots

      Style Trial: Nicholas Kirkwood Two Faces Pointed Toe Boots

      The Fashion Police have long believed that clothes and shoes shouldn’t have faces. We also firmly believe they shouldn’t have HAIR. Still, we have to admit that the ponytails on these Nicholas Kirkwood boots make us feel a bit nostalgic. It would be a bit like having an adult My Little Pony, wouldn’t it? You could braid it! And tie ribbons in it! And… OK, maybe not. What do you think, Fashion Police jurors? Are these a crime of fashion, or are you already trying to decide what you’re going to name them? [Buy them]

      hard edges fringe top

      Crime of Fashion? Hard Edges Fringe Top

      Well, it looks like a lot of fun, we’ll give it that. It.. doesn’t look much like a TOP, though, does it? Which is an issue. We’ve always believed that if an item of clothing doesn’t instantly LOOK like an item of clothing, and if it doesn’t fulfil any of the functions normally associated with items of clothing (Keeping you warm, covering your naked body, that kind of boring, old-fashioned stuff…) there’s a good chance we’re dealing with a crime of fashion. In this case? We think there’s a pretty good chance we’re dealing with a crime of fashion here. Just in case you’re in any doubt about this, we present this important piece of evidence, in the form of the product…