Fashion Crime Friday | The Worst Jeans in the World, and other crimes of fashion

Greetings, Style Sleuths. We’ve no time to chat on this Fashion Crime Friday, because there are important questions which must be answered. Questions like, “Are these the ugliest jeans we’ve ever seen?”

Suspect # 1 | Possibly the ugliest jeans ever

ugliest jeans ever

[Buy them here]

The competition is stiff, but we do believe that, yes, these could well be the worst pair of $675 jeans we’ve ever arrested. In their defence, they ARE on sale, though… for $405. Which is MUCH more reasonable.

detached sleeve sweater

[Buy it here]

Suspect # 2 | The Detached Sleeve Sweater

Every so often, some brand or designer will decide it would be a unique idea to add non-functioning sleeves to a garment, and to tie them around the wearer’s hips, waist, or, in this case, chest. And every single time, we think it looks like the person is wearing a straight-jacket, and wonder how uncomfortable it would be if you had to button a jacket or coat over the top of it.  Also, this kind of thing just screams, “LOOK AT ME! NOTICE HOW EDGY I AM!” Which is a crime of fashion in itself, really.

Suspect # 3  | NOT A SKIRT

see through skirt

[Buy it here]

This WAS $390, but it’s just been reduced to $230, so get it while you can! We have to admit to a grudging admiration for brands who are able to persuade people that a) this is a legitimate attempt at a “skirt” and b) it’s worth spending a few hundred dollars on. Just imagine what you could do with that kind of influence! We also love the fact they’ve chosen to style this with nude underwear. Because nude underwear means you don’t have to worry about VPL, doesn’t it? Oh no, wait…

Finally:

Suspect # 4 | The Chain Romper

cheetah romper

[Buy it here]

This model looks every bit as confused as we feel right now. If this was some kind of swimwear, we could ALMOST understand, but … it’s not swimwear. Our best guess is that it’s supposed to be clubwear, but we’re kind of tired of “Oh, but it’s CLUBWEAR” being used as an excuse for crimes of fashion, so we’re inclined to arrest it anyway.

Your thoughts?

5 Comments

  • May 26, 2014

    Claudia

    Ooops! I thought you a) wear that romper under something, and it’s for people who hate the “wedgie” feeling. Quite nice with a wraparound skirt because even if a vicious wind blows it open, your bum cheeks are still decently covered. b) I would have thought the transparent thing is an underskirt, adding a romantic lace edging to a cotton skirt. Obviously I’m not the only one perpetually late for trends: Madonna-style “underwear as outerwear” is – what? – a decade old? Or two?

    And that sweater – that’s pure practicality, I’d say! I believe the sleves *are* in fact functional. When you push your arms through, you end up with a shorter sweater with the extra fabric bunched up around your shoulders. That’s two sweaters in one, and in this season when you never know whether it will be warm or cold, it simplifies your life. Besides, it provides endless entertainment for your friends when you wriggle around in that rabbit warren of a sweater trying to find the right way in and out. Much like “The Marsian and the Deck Chair”.

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  • May 28, 2014

    lizvocal

    I am tired of pointing out that people who wish to wear distressed clothes should shop second hand. My local Goodwill does not actually carry anything as ugly as those jeans.

    Now I have a question. If you wore these jeans, how would anyone else know you paid $400-600 for them? Would you leave the tag on? Because the only those jeans say to me is, “you’d have to be crazy to buy me, let alone wear me.”

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    • June 3, 2014

      Claudia

      Well, “hoi polloi” – the mass of the unwashed – surely wouldn’t know, but those people who really count (fashion bloggers, fashion victims and fashion editors) would, and you would belong to a very select group indeed!

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      • June 10, 2014

        lizvocal

        Ha! So like modern art, you have to be “in the know” to really get it! That totally makes sense, Claudia. Thanks for saving me hundreds of dollars on ugly, pointless clothing!

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  • September 4, 2014

    Yannick

    Suspect 1: Looks like somebody tripped, stumbled and fell and destroyed the jeans in the process. Beware!

    Suspect 2: This actually looks nice but can you use the sleeves when it gets colder in the evening or are they merely decoration?

    Suspect 3: This is strictly for the fetish party only.

    Suspect 4: Way too flashy.

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