What Not to Wear to the Beach: the Bow Bikini

Bow-bikini

We'd arrest this model for being an accessory to a crime of fashion, but seriously, would YOU mess with her? She's all, "SO? You wanna make something of this? You wanna comment on my BOW BIKINI? Come on, I dare yas!"

And we're all, "Er, no, no my good woman. You just keep right on standing there and don't move a muscle. No, seriously, we said don't move a muscle. Because unless you've already anchored that thing with some serious tit tape, that's a wardrobe malfunction waiting to happen right there."

This criminal was reported to us on Friday afternoon, by Fashion Police reader Katie. Katie, we didn't get much sleep this weekend after seeing this, but thanks for the report, anyway!

(Note: what makes this whole thing worse, is that the bow – which this site describes as a "bikini top" is NOT INCLUDED. And seriously, can you imagine what it would look like wothout it?!)

13 Comments

  • July 20, 2009

    Veronika

    hahhhaha it’s hideous AND it’s not included??:) what a sad bikini..

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  • July 20, 2009

    Claire

    Looking at the site that picture is a combination of a scandal leotard (no really!?), the bow bikini top and a bolero jacket.
    Everything they sell comes into the category of ‘clothes I would wear if I was six foot tall, skinny, and somehow transformed into a cool club kid who didn’t care what people think’. Or Agnes Deyn.
    The bunny bikini is cute!
    Claire

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  • July 20, 2009

    bookmole

    It is the little bolero top that is for sale, not the cossie. But $60 puts it into the Fashion Criminal class for me!

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  • July 20, 2009

    Mousy

    Good lord.

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  • July 20, 2009

    Katie R

    I couldn’t let this place go unreported.

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  • July 21, 2009

    New York Couture

    Thanks for the free press.
    xox
    New York Couture
    http://www.newyorkcouture.net

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  • July 21, 2009

    Andara

    Wow, nearly everything on that site is just plain ridiculous or hideous, or both. Half the time, it’s difficult to even tell what the item they’re selling actually is, with all that other junk they’ve got layered on.
    And what the hell is up with the dude in his underwear, shades, and a bow tie all about?

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  • July 21, 2009

    Andara

    Oh, and lest you miss the best stuff, go through the other item lists.
    There’s one for a skirt where the model has only the scandal leotard and a dubious skirt and is in this gray smudged industrial setting. Attractive, it ain’t.

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  • July 21, 2009

    Katie R

    I love how that website decided to troll this entry. We don’t usually get good internet drama like that here.

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  • July 21, 2009

    Hoshi

    Thank god she’s got attitude, she’d drop dead from embarrassment otherwise…

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  • July 21, 2009

    Lauren

    The ‘One of a Kind LACE RUFFLE Cape Top’ is pretty hideous and so is the ‘Purple w/ Gold Ruffle Snake Dress’. I hope the person from the website realises that none of us will be purchasing anything from there. One, because the stuff is hideous and two, the kinda ok stuff is pretty exxy.

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  • July 21, 2009

    Moni

    Would somebody pass me the Eye Bleach (TM) please? This site is so hidious in any respect, it makes you wonder if the creators are crazy or blind or both… And if the weird colour- and pattern-combinations weren’t bad enough, somebody should tell the photographer that the task is to display the clothes for sale, not obscure them with strangely coloured light and wild postures…

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  • July 21, 2009

    Moni

    Would somebody pass me the Eye Bleach (TM) please? This site is so hidious in any respect, it makes you wonder if the creators are crazy or blind or both… And if the weird colour- and pattern-combinations weren’t bad enough, somebody should tell the photographer that the task is to display the clothes for sale, not obscure them with strangely coloured light and wild postures…

    View Comment