What Not to Wear to the Beach: Aubrey O’Day


Earlier today we showed you the dress that is not really a dress. Now we’d like to follow that up with the sad tale of the Bikini That Is Not Really a Bikini.

Warning: Although Aubrey O’Day apparently thought this outfit was safe for the beach, it’s possibly not safe for work, so proceed with caution:


Yeah. That’s… not a bikini. And to be fair, she was wearing this for a photoshoot. We can only assume it was a shoot for the kind of men’s magazine you find on the top shelf, although if that’s the case, well, maybe Malibu beach wasn’t quite the right venue. Anyway: don’t wear this to the beach, kids! It’s NOT A BIKINI…

(P.S. In response to the male readers who are about to leave us comments telling us we’re JUST JELUS and that if we had her figure, why, we’d be almost naked on the beach too: sorry to¬†disappoint, but no. And sure, she does have a nice figure, we’ll give you that. But even if we had figures exactly like it, we wouldn’t be out in public dressed like this, because these are not “clothes”, and because not every woman in the world is obsessed with being OMGSEXY. Sometimes we just want to be, you know, dressed.)

18 Comments

  • May 31, 2011

    Emily Petts

    That’s revolting…Pretty much a bit of string tied round her crotch. Why cover up so much on the top if you’re just going to forget to clothe your bottom half????

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  • May 31, 2011

    Kay

    MY EYES! MY INNOCENCE! THEY ARE BURNING! but seriously, there weren’t kids on that beach, right? cuz that’s what they would be saying

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  • May 31, 2011

    neem

    OK, in all 10 million pages of this site, how have you not yet put up this horrid being?! : http://www.topshop.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?beginIndex=0&viewAllFlag=&catalogId=33057&storeId=12556&productId=2301311&langId=-1&sort_field=Price%20Descending&categoryId=208526&parent_categoryId=203984&pageSize=20

    it’s a weird half jacket thing, which isn’t, but the rest of the length from the navel to the floor is fringe o.o
    and it’s a coat. a coat. from TopShop.

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  • May 31, 2011

    Nikki G

    I’m feeling ill. No, seriously. That’s just vile. Also, totally not jealous of that.

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  • May 31, 2011

    Anna

    Let me just say that I am bisexual, and while it’s true that she has a nice figure, I am feeling the exact opposite of attracted to her after seeing that. And there is nothing to be jealous of because even if I did have her figure, I would not go parading around half-naked.

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  • May 31, 2011

    Bekka

    OMG – it looks like she was trying to channel some Jungle Queen vibe and missed! That fringe looks like something you put around the bottom of your couch or something….

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  • May 31, 2011

    indiani

    Is she wearing it backwards?

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  • June 1, 2011

    Lighty_lo

    Well, I don’t think her figure looks nice at all. Not in those pictures anyway. And then, there’s the… you know, the… thingy she’s wearing.

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  • June 1, 2011

    Kota

    I wouldn’t be caught dead in something like this to begin with. But, it probably wouldn’t be so bad if the the “bikini” bottom wasn’t sitting so low on her hips. They look like they’re about to fall off.

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  • June 1, 2011

    Dani

    The bikini is truly heinous. Anybody else need eyeball bleach?

    (Side note: I don’t get why she poses like she does in the first picture all the time. Every time I see a picture of her, she’s posing like that, and it makes her legs look short and her boobs huge. Not remotely attractive.)

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  • June 1, 2011

    bexkee

    y’ll jus jelus, she prety.

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  • June 2, 2011

    MJH

    Seeing her in that bikini bottom makes me anxious .. like there’s an x-rated wardrobe malfunction about to happen at any moment.

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  • June 3, 2011

    oldfashionedreamer

    It’s not a bikini, it’s a little skirt I do believe. And she really isn’t that attractive, I actually pretty much have the same figure and can vouch for the fact that many other style (can I say: retro) look better on said figure than that does. She has managed to look a little dumpy some how, not to mention pretty nasty.

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  • June 5, 2011

    Anneke

    I also think it’s disgusting. Especially the fact that you can see the exact outline of her intimate parts. NOt flattering at all!!! To me sexy is leaving something to the imagination.

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  • June 11, 2011

    dj adriana lucia

    maybe she just lowered the botton on purpose, kinda desperately trying to get attention, i havnt heard of danity kane this days.

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  • June 28, 2011

    Krissy

    …wow…I think I need some mind soap…(0.o)

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  • June 29, 2012

    Melissa

    How does the bottom half not fall off?

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    • August 1, 2014

      Claudia

      Double-faced adhesive tape? It is allegedly the solution to many celebrity clothing mysteries.

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