Crimes of Fashion | Faces in Places

With summer in full swing, you may be thinking of hitting the beach or pool this weekend. Before you do, you might want to take a look at what NOT to wear, including…

bikini with bear's face

[Buy it at]

Now, it turns out that that’s a couple of bears on this bikini top. We’ll just give you a couple of seconds to let that sentence sink in. Now, bears don’t generally resemble nipples, but the placement of the nose here is REALLY unfortunate. Folks, if you don’t want people staring at you all day long, avoid any item of clothing which places round dots right over your nipples, seriously. That doesn’t JUST apply to swimwear, either: in fact, we have a long-held belief  (which we touched on in our recent ‘Strange Shoes’ post), that if an item of clothing has a face, there’s a good chance it’ll turn out to be a crime of fashion. For instance:

leopard print skirt with face

[from here]

This skirt arguably might not have needed the face to provide a handy visual clue that it’s a crime of fashion, but it certainly helps make it clearer, doesn’t it? In a similar vein:

catface skirt

[Buy it here]

Seriously, what is it with cats and crotches? SO many bad jokes come to mind, but we’re going to try and keep it (relatively) classy and let you come up with your own. If you thought the skirt above was interesting, however, take a look at these pants:

kitty crotch pants

[Buy them here]

Aaaand, again with the kitty-on-the-crotch. And a drop-crotch at that: although, in this particular case, we’re not sure the regular kind of crotch would be a whole lot better. And now we’ve typed the word “crotch” so many times it’s started to lose all meaning, so we’ll leave it there, and hand it over to you guys: what do you think of faces on clothes? Crime of fashion, or most wanted item?


  • July 11, 2014


    Would someone actually wear these? With all the crass jokes that women have been subjected to for years about the descriptions of their anatomy, I would say this is a BIG setback. Reminds me a little of the James Bond names for women–anyone remember “Pussy Galore?” Oh UGH! I suppose it would give men a good laugh at our expense, but who wants to do that? Not me, for d—n sure!

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  • July 17, 2014


    Why would anybody like to wear these? Who came up with the idea to make wearers as uncomfortable as possible? Oh no.

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  • July 18, 2014


    That face on the dropcrotch will be making faces at you. When you walk, it will look as if chewing its breakfast. When you sit down and cross your legs, it will be more like “*! I left my fake teeth at home!” And if you ever – not ladylike, but relaxing – hook a leg over the arm rest, it will ya-a-awn. People who are able to lip-read will be offended all the time. I wish I could see somebody wear them!

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  • July 20, 2014

    Annette Tirette

    I work in a haberdashery and loads of people come by to find little appliqués to iron over holes or stains on their clothing. A woman came in with a pair of beige shorts that had a small tear at the crotch, and it took me a LONG time to discourage her from ironing a cat onto her crotch without getting too crass.

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    • August 13, 2014


      I hardly dare to ask – but what DID you give her to cover a hole in that particular area? A padlock appliqué?

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