Crimes of Fashion

Unitards: who’s actually buying them?

ASOS unitard

ASOS unitard

ASOS unitard

all unitards: ASOS

Remember when ASOS used to be called ‘As Seen On Screen’? It seems like a long time ago now, but the original concept of the site was to sell affordable versions of the clothes celebrities wear “on screen”, so each item would be “As Seen on X Celebrity”. Well, the name may have been truncated to simply ‘ASOS’, and the celeb-centric concept has long been ditched in favour of providing all kinds of clothing, for all kinds of events, but if you take a quick look at the unitards section, you might be forgiven for wondering if someone at ASOS still secretly wishes they were dressing celebrities, rather than the girl next door.

Seriously: these three unitards wouldn’t look out of place on stage at a Katy Perry concert or similar, but we’re seriously struggling to imagine where else someone would actually want to wear them. We can’t imagine a single one of our friends or acquaintances (and we’re including people in their teens and early 20s in that list, by the way, before you go dismissing us with the usual, “Yeah, but you’re old, Fashion Police!” argument…) seeing one of these on ASOS, and thinking, “Hell yeah: that’s EXACTLY what I’ve been looking for – my wardrobe dilemma is now solved!” Because what possible kind of wardrobe dilemma could be solved only by a semi-sheer or “haha, you thought I was naked, didn’t you!” unitard? Other than Halloween, obviously?

Actually, come to think of it, if your lifestyle does regularly present you with those kind of dilemmas, then, honestly, you sound like you have a pretty cool life, and we wish you’d tell us about it. As for us, however, we’re closing down the “unitard” section and searching for the “clothes you can actually wear in your day-to-day life” one: sounds like a plan…

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