For this week’s edition of Wear or Die, we bring you two dresses, both pulled from our very own Ugly Prom Dress gallery, and both modelled by the same girl. That poor, poor girl. She’s not as lucky as you are: she didn’t get to choose which of these dresses she wore, she just had to wear them both! Your task, then, is a little easier in comparison: you must choose one the two dresses shown above… or you must die! The rules: 1. You must choose one of the options shown above, to be worn in public 2. You are not allowed to hide the outfit in any way: no large overcoats allowed! 3. Death is not an option!…
Our thanks to Fashion Police reader Tara for calling in a report on this prom dress. Our officers picked the dress up in the early hours of this morning, and it’s now resting in the cells, sobering up, and hopefully thinking about what it’s done. You know, sometimes when we look at dresses like this, there’s a part of us that thinks, “Well, OK, it’s ugly, trashy, and your basic HOT MESS, but no way is that intended to be worn at prom. Unless by “prom” you mean “a prom in a certain type of adult movie”. This one, though? This one actually IS being sold as an honest-to-God prom dress. We submit the following into evidence:
We’re going to be generous and assume this dress wasn’t actually designed with prom in mind, and is, in fact, intended for some other kind of evening event, the likes of which we wouldn’t really like to speculate about. With that said, judging by some of the other dresses in our ugly prom dresses gallery, maybe this IS the kind of thing people are wearing to prom these days. Anyone? (Click here to buy it)
Reader Angela alerted us to this number by Jovani, and we are glad she did. Our officers are on the way to apprehend it as we speak. Angela says that the model seems to be saying: “For prom, all I want is to look like Medusa from The Little Mermaid! Those tentacles were just SO attractive!” If Medusa is your prom style icon too, this dress can be yours for $470 at Prom Girl.
This dress is billed as an “evening dress” rather than a prom dress. Unfortunately that’s the only positive we can find to it, but still, at least it’s something, hmm? (Click here to buy it) Thanks to Bronwyn for the report!
The site selling this dress suggests it could be a prom dress OR a bridesmaid’s dress. All we can say is that if this is what the bridesmaids are wearing, we’d LOVE to see the bride… [Click here to buy it] (Thanks to Angela for the report!)
The white lace knee socks really make this outfit, don’t they? [Product Page | Thanks again to Simona!]
“Look, everyone! Look at my crotch! No! No! Don’t look at the dress! Can’t you see I’m trying to distract you from the ugliness of the dress by holding it open, like a curtain on the crotch? Look, you can see my underwear and everything!” Sorry, sweetie, it’s too late: we saw the dress, and we’re arresting it. Modelling is hard, you know… [Product Page | Thanks to Simona for the report!]
Yes folks, it’s prom season again with all those Christmas party and ball invitations about to come flooding in any moment. And what are you going to wear to your special event this year? How about this little number, which appears to be made from old army camouflage uniforms, and brown paper? With added sequins for that holiday pizazz! Just the thing, right? Jovani clearly think so as this is just one of their designs that features the brown paper-like fabric, and there are more featuring prints not dissimilar to the camouflage one shown here. Sadly, this is only available to buy in stores, so bad luck if you’re not in the US. If you are in the US and…
Well we guess ‘sexy’ is one word you could use to describe this dress. We can think of another one that also begins with S, though. Lionella describe this dress as having a ‘sensual revealing open front design’. Again, ‘sensual’ was not the S word we were thinking of. Aside from being rather chilly attending your winter prom in this dress, we can’t see that the organisers would be too thrilled at you turning up to their black tie event with your midriff most of your flesh on show. If you think it’s just the job for your formal event though, you can buy it here for £36.68.
We think the title of this post tells you all you need to know about the calibre of prom dresses that Lionella sell. Look at the poor model’s face. We think she’s just caught sight of herself in the mirror judging by that look shock and horror. Wait til she sees the back view:
We can’t quite decide what the worst part of this prom dress is. The lime green? The fact that someone thought lime green and pastel pink would look good together? Or maybe it’s the daises. The idea that ‘less is more’ really doesn’t seem to be a factor here. But we think the major issue here is that it’s so very unflattering. She looks about four sizes bigger than she really is! Masses of lime green fabric is not a good look. If you disagree, you can buy this from Be Flirty for £245.
Aww, would you look at that! Little Pebbles Flintstone is all grown up and ready for prom! And she’s wearing a… bright yellow demi-shress, the kind of thing that looks good on…well, on no-one, really. What WILL Fred and Wilma say? [Product Page]
Ugly prom dresses: they’re out there. Oh boy, are they out there. The Fashion Police have been arresting these ugly prom dresses for years now, in a bid to keep the prom-going public free of such horrors as the “Bahama Mama” and “The One That Looks Like a Toilet Roll Doll”, but the consequence of that has been that our jail is now overflowing with ugly prom dresses of all descriptions. Some are tacky, some are trashy; some contain such lurid colours and patterns that not even eyeball bleach can save our sight. Others have strange cut-outs, so little fabric that you may as well go naked, or bizarre dangly bits that we can’t even begin to fathom. Some are…
When a retailer uses the word “sexy” to describe a prom dress, it’s usually a red flag for the Fashion Police officers. In this case “sexy” has been translated as “all the colours of the rainbow, as many different prints as we could manage, and, oh yeah, we ruthlessly attacked the bodice with a pair of shears, so now it’s attached to the skirt with a set of fabric ‘ribs’.” We maintain that the wearer of the dress should be the one supplying the ribs, not the dress itself. If you beg to differ, however, this is $358 from here.
Granted, this isn’t quite as bad as some animal print prom dresses we’ve featured. We’ve seen worse, haven’t we? Even so, we’re starting to think it’s time The Fashion Police producted some kind of Statute on the Acceptable Use of Animal Print. The first point could be: NOT ON A PROM DRESS, for the love of Gaga, no! What do you think, readers? Would you wear this to prom? If you would, you can head over here and buy it.
We apologise for any burning caused to your retinas during viewing of this dress. We were still seeing the pattern a few hours after we looked away from it, so we feel your pain. Nevertheless, we feel the existence of this dress teaches us all an important lesson about colour mixing and how not to do it. It could be summed up as “Orange and green should not be seen, without a….” Actually, no: they just shouldn’t be seen. Ever. Especially when they’re fluorescent orange and lime green. If you disagree, however, this dress is $500 and you can buy it here.
Nothing says “prom” quite like all-over animal print, does it? Of course, with animal print – and particularly zebra print – being oh-so fashionable right now, perhaps this dress is simply “bang on trend“? Whaddya think? [Thanks to Andrea for the report!] We also have a confirmed sighting of a second zebra print prom dress, this time from Minnah:
There are ruffles, and then there are ruffles. These, though? These are RUFFLES. Pink ones, at that! Also, is anyone else reminded of one of those “shower puff” things? How about now? ‘Party Time’ pink prom dress, $499
This dress comes to us direct from 1985 not from a specialist prom dress store, like so many of the Ugly Prom Dresses we're forced to arrest, but from our old friend Topshop. This gives us cause for concern. Are Topshop trying to popularise the shiny satin look of the Ugly Prom Dress? Are these in fashion now? Are they, to use a term we've come to hate, "on trend"? God, we hope not. We just don't have the manpower to be able to deal with an outbreak of crimes like this one. On the, er, plus side, this dress DOES appear to have saddlebags. Which is… handy. We guess. Topshop describe this one as "a show-stopping dress, to be…