Wear or Die: The Long and the Short of It

Two pairs of ugly shorts

It’s Wear or Die time again! And we think we know which way you’ll jump this time, but God knows, you’ve surprised us before, so the only thing that’s certain about this game is that nothing is certain. And that ugly clothes will definitely be involved.

Today’s choice involves two pairs of shorts: on the left, Bless’s crochet shorts, and on the right, Topshop’s cable wool shorts. You, readers, must wear one of these items. If you don’t, you must die. And actually, in this game death is not an option, so basically you’re stuck with the shorts, sorry.

Which would you choose?

26 Comments

  • September 14, 2011

    ian

    the ones on the left, for sure. they’re so hideous that i kind of like them. plus, there are so many opportunities to wear see-through clothing.

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  • September 14, 2011

    Moni

    * – beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep – * (Sorry, I just died. It was the only sane option.)

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  • September 14, 2011

    Jaynie

    Wool…shorts? *blink*

    I’d take the ones on the right, but not willingly. At least they look like they’d not fall apart while I was out.

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  • September 14, 2011

    naiadknight

    The ones on the left remind me of actual fishnets (as in, the rope creations used to haul in fish.) I think that, some green scale print leggings, a pair of Peggy Bundy green scale print heels, some “tar smudges” and a red bra and I’ll have a new Halloween costume: the modern little mermaid.
    As to one I’d wear out in public, not as a costume… Still the net ones. I can do SOMETHING to those besides have bad 80s flashbacks.

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  • September 14, 2011

    Marianne S.

    The longer ones. With opaque tights. And big BIG sunglasses. Maybe I’ll be lucky and no one will recognize me.

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  • September 14, 2011

    Natasha

    I guess the short ones with some sort of tunic that covers most of them, platforms, a large hat and sunglasses. Which means I’d basically look like Jodie Foster in the Taxi Driver.

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  • September 14, 2011

    Nell

    The topshop ones. I don’t like them, but at least they’d cover my ample behind, whereas the others would cover it… but also leave it exposed!

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  • September 14, 2011

    Rudi

    The short ones. Thicker weave, better colour, from a distance you probably couldn’t even tell they’re made of wool.

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  • September 14, 2011

    Mona

    I would go with the right ones, over tights, with a 70s blouse, sunglasses and a floppy hat. The left ones look were likely emergency-knit by McGyver from an unraveled doormat and kebab skewers after some villain locked him up without clothes.

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    • September 14, 2011

      lizvocal

      LOL! You are so right!

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  • September 14, 2011

    chitraa

    i’d go with the red ones….at least they dont look like nets…
    http://chitraasfashiondiary.blogspot.com/

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    • September 14, 2011

      Carol

      Agreed. The red ones look deliberate. The others seem to have been pulled from the trash bin after being attacked by the neighbor’s herd of pitbulls. Not that either would look good on me, mind you.

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  • September 14, 2011

    drea

    I prefer the ones on the right, but to save everyones eyes I’d wear the left ones

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  • September 14, 2011

    Itzel

    I’d wear the red ones; I’m not a fan of see- through clothing and they also look like they’d get caught on everything and I’d end up even more butt naked.

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  • September 14, 2011

    Anna

    It’s hard to say, but I’d probably go with the red ones. I feel like the gray ones would get caught on everything and eventually unravel, and they also look like something you’d pull out of a dumpster.

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  • September 14, 2011

    juliette

    the topshop cable wool shorts (on the left). at first I thought the red ones, but since they seemed pretty close to underwear…….
    in short, both yuck, but maybe I could look like a poor pirate in the grey……maybe.

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  • September 15, 2011

    Jeannine

    The short red ones. Maybe I could put on a beach hat and pretend that I was intending on spending the day sitting by the ocean reading, and that I WANTED it to look like bathing suit bottoms. Maybe.

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  • September 15, 2011

    Kate

    The ones on the left, because even layered over things wool makes me ITCH. SO the ones on the left, with leggings underneath. I’d have gone with the red ones, opaque tights, and a buttondown short-sleeve shirt and oxfords, sort of an Oliver Twist look, but they’d gall me through the tights. Stupid wool. Makes me itch just thinking of it.

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  • September 15, 2011

    Kota

    Neither one of them are desirable in the least. The red ones remind me of Mickey Mouse’s shorts for some reason. The gray ones look like they’re made out of real fishnet. However, if the only choice I have is to either wear one of them or die, why not go whole hog and wear both? The red ones will give you the coverage you need under the fishnet ones.

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  • September 15, 2011

    Amy

    shorts with tights and burka so nobody recognizes me

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  • September 21, 2011

    Stef

    The long ones over tights.

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  • September 23, 2011

    Kelly

    I was GOING to say the ones on the right, but I live on the Gulf coast, and the ones on the left might come in handy hauling seashells or fish while I’m at the beach. I’ll take the ones on the left XD

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  • October 2, 2011

    Lucy

    I would wear the red ones (albeit reluctantly).
    At least then it wouldn’t look like someone has wrapped a kitchen scourer around my legs.

    The first one looks like my attempt at knitting -full of holes!

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  • October 2, 2011

    Lucy

    Oh, and the red ones would make a great Christmas Elf outfit! Just add pointy shoes, a green top and lots of jingle bells…

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  • January 16, 2012

    Molly R

    I read a story about 2 little boys in France – can’t recall the title – whose maman knitted them wool swim trunks just like these, which would stretch out when wet, flapping about the boys’ thighs and exposing their genitals, and causing them to be the targets of jokes by bigger boys on the beach. To make it worse maman put drawstrings of yarn at the waist finished off with gonad-like pompons which drew further ridicule. The wool was coarse and held onto sand so that they were always scratchy, yet the boys wore them, year after year on family outings to the beach.

    Does anyone else recognize this description and know the name of the story? The red trunks are a nearly perfect realization of the literary originals, and for literature’s sake I choose them. Immediately upon donning them I would look for the first fountain, horsetrough or puddle into which I could immerse myself so that the wool tricot would stretch enough to cover the thunderthighs, then waddle quickly home.

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  • November 10, 2012

    Nala

    The orange ones, I would be able to hide them easier.

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