Ugly Prom Dress Alert: Lucious Lamé

Our thanks to Fashion Police reader Tara for calling in a report on this prom dress. Our officers picked the dress up in the early hours of this morning, and it’s now resting in the cells, sobering up, and hopefully thinking about what it’s done.

You know, sometimes when we look at dresses like this, there’s a part of us that thinks, “Well, OK, it’s ugly, trashy, and your basic HOT MESS, but no way is that intended to be worn at prom. Unless by “prom” you mean “a prom in a certain type of adult movie”.

This one, though? This one actually IS being sold as an honest-to-God prom dress. We submit the following into evidence:

We also submit this line, from the product description:

“Step out in our luscious lame and crochet lace sequin prom for a Red Carpet look at the prom. “

A RED CARPET look? Huh? Have we slipped into some kind of alternative reality here? Because where we’re from, not even Rihanna would wear this on the red carpet, and that’s saying something. But wait! It gets worse!

“The sexy and form fitted halter gown has a very glamorous full skirt with a front slit that is designed for passion.”

Designed for passion. The front slit is designed for passion. We feel a little bit ill, now. And hey: we’re not naive. The Fashion Police didn’t come down in the last shower, you know? We know teenagers aren’t all sweet and innocent. But passion. The front slit. Designed for passion. WON’T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?

Oh, and the stripper shoes? Not for prom either, just FYI. In fact, not for anything. (Except stripping, obviously.)

Once we’d washed the eye bleach out of our eyes, it occurred to us that some further investigation may be required here. “Someone really should look into this,” we thought, “and find out if there are more of these “prom” dresses available!” And then we realised that, actually, that someone should be us, because, well, we ARE The Fashion Police, after all. So we pulled on our safety goggles, and we found this dress, in the “sexy prom dress” section:

According to the website, this “will have heads turning at your 2011 prom.” Yeah, WE’LL SAY. Heads will most definitely turn when you stroll by in this:

It could have been worse, though.

“HOW could it have been worse, Fashion Police?” we hear you cry. “HOW?” Well, we’ll show you how. It could’ve been worse when you consider that the dress shown above is “inspired by” a celebrity. This is the celebrity:

We promise we’re not making this up. Take a look for yourself if you don’t believe us. And, you know, even if you don’t think the dress itself is THAT bad, the fact remains that someone, somewhere, looked at that photo of Britney Spears (OF BRITNEY SPEARS, people! Can you even REMEMBER when Britney was considered a source of style inspiration? Was it even this century?) and thought, “You know what? This would make a great prom dress!”

And this just in, folks: the world can be a very strange place…

11 Comments

  • August 18, 2011

    Kate

    While the first one is tacky as all get out and the copy is nauseating, chaperones at my school would probably have let a girl in that dress stay. The second one, however, would’ve been summarily ejected for indecency. No doubts. I would hope that both would be sent home for excess nastiness but you never know sometimes. I learned not to google ‘slutty prom dresses’ a long time ago.

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  • August 18, 2011

    Lili @ Relatable Style

    Uh, wow. The first idea that hit me when I looked at the first dress was the following: Do you remember those string curtains that were so popular in the 70ies and 80ies to keep flies away? Well. At least she won’t have any flies up her lady business, right?

    Relatable Style

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  • Okay.. that first dress must be one of the ugliest things I’ve ever seen. The second dress is… better, but still not very prom-appropriate.

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  • August 18, 2011

    Jeepster

    Why does the first one say it has a “full skirt” when it really doesn’t have much of a skirt at all?

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  • August 18, 2011

    Claire

    I misread that as crotch lace rather than crochet lace unfortunately crotch lace isn’t a bad description for what’s going on here

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  • August 18, 2011

    Itzel

    Maybe they can re use the dress after they’ve been nominated for some kind of reality show award, Teen Mom will lead them to stardom!

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  • August 18, 2011

    olos

    The second one looks like something an ice-skater would wear

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  • August 19, 2011

    Zoe

    I’m pretty sure at most high schools if you showed up in a dress like that you’d be sent right back home to change. And who’d want a “sexy” prom dress. I don’t mean something that looks mildly sexy, I’m talking about anything that has the word “sexy” in the description/name or is in a category called sexy. Because generally the word they mean to use is not sexy but rather slut-tastic. Same goes for “seductive” “alluring” and “siren.”

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  • August 25, 2011

    Tii

    I’m not really surprised because nearly all Prom dress site have hideous, monstrous abominations called dresses

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  • August 25, 2011

    K

    It has LAME in a name. enough said.

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