BLACK MESH JOGGERS, $60
As far as we can tell, the sole purpose of these jogging pants (and drop-crotch jogging pants, too! All our least-favourite things, together in one garment!) is to provide a support-system for the two giant pockets which are clearly visible through the mesh fabric. We have no idea why the people who buy these wouldn’t just attach a couple of pockets to a long piece of string and drape it around their necks: it would create more or less the same effect, after all.
This outfit breaks two of our most fundamental laws of style:
1. Buy clothes that fit you: or have them tailored, if they don’t.
2. IRON YOUR PANTS
OK, the rule is actually to iron anything that needs it, but in this case, it’s trousers that are the culprits. It actually makes us itchy to look at this. We want to hold her down and… iron her. Then take up the sleeves in her jacket. She needs looking after, poor girl! Maybe it’s her first time away from home?
HAREM JUMPER, $42
The less said about this one the better, really, but we don’t think we’ll ever stop being amazed that people voluntarily do this to themselves. We suspect the defence is probably the old “But it’s so comfy!” chestnut, but as we’ve said before, that’s how people tried to justify Crocs, and look how that ended up. People, you don’t have to wear clothing with the crotch at your knees in order to be comfortable, we promise you. If you genuinely think clothes like this are the only possible way to be “comfy” then you’re either shopping in the wrong stores or wearing the wrong size. Either way, The Fashion Police are here to help you… we’re just going to need you to step away from the harem jumpsuits first…