Frankenshoes: Flatforms have gone too far now

Ugly black "flatform" shoes

Seriously. SERIOUSLY, people.

Not even Jeffrey Campbell, Enemy of Feet, would think these were a good idea. NOT EVEN JEFFREY. And when Jeffrey Campbell would look at a shoe and think, “You know, I think these may be a little too ugly…” you know you’re in trouble.

These look like boats:

Ugly flatform shoesSinister, terrifying boats. Like, if fashion was a horror movie, the bad guys would sail around inside giant versions of these shoes, wouldn’t they? And we’ll tell you what: THEY PROBABLY DO. This is what we’re up against, people. This is what the evil masterminds at the head of the Fashion Crime Ring are capable of. Are you scared? Because you should be.

Also: if they look this bad in the product shot, just imagine what they look like on feet! Oh, right: we don’t have to imagine it:

Ugly flatform shoesYikes.

Flatforms: they just don’t need to exist, do they? (If you disagree, click here to buy them.)

P.S.

Have you voted yet?

8 Comments

  • September 27, 2011

    b.

    It’s like those shoes that people whose one leg is shorter than the other wear. Except that in that situation, the gigantic flatform makes sense. Here, it really, really doesn’t.

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    • September 27, 2011

      Itzel

      That’s what I was going to say. A former professor at uni had to wear one shoe with a huge platform, but he needed it! And it looked exactly like those.

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    • September 29, 2011

      Heidi

      Totally agree!

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  • September 27, 2011

    Lili @ Relatable Style

    OMG! Flatforms are the root of all evil! They are so insanely bad they can’t ever be good again!

    Relatable Style

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  • September 28, 2011

    Eriyle

    There are some Jeffrey Campbell shoes similar to this on the Urban Outfitters, and I honestly gagged a little when I saw them. I just… I don’t get it. At all.

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    • September 28, 2011

      Eriyle

      *Urban Outfitters site

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  • September 29, 2011

    Amy

    they are awful , they look like orthopedic shoes .I hate flatforms and these shoes are beyond ugly

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  • September 30, 2011

    Jane

    I’m old enough to remember when some poor kids wore this sort of thing on one foot because they’d had polio.How long before some daft designer adds a leg-iron?

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