Fashion Crime Friday | Tuxedo dresses, stirrup socks and other crimes of fashion

Attention all officers: it’s Fashion Crime Friday, and the following Style Suspects are going to have to be processed before you can hang up your police badges for the weekend. Here’s our first victim – we mean “suspect”:

tuxedo dress

[Buy it here for £1,072]

Suspect # 1 | The Tuxedo Dress

This keeps on happening, and we’ve no idea why. Why are tuxedo dresses a thing now? Why do we need these half dress/half jumpsuit hybrids? Why, in OUR day, people either wore dresses, or they wore tuxedos: they had no need to wear both of them simultaneously. Of course, this was all fields, then. Hey, you kids! Get off our lawn!

Almost as bad as the tuxedo dress is THIS dress:

ugly dress

[Buy it here for £3690]

Suspect # 2 | This Dress

This is one of those items which probably seemed like a good idea on the runway, but which should probably have stayed there, if you ask us. Which, of course, you didn’t. “What happens on the runway stays on the runway”: that’s our motto. This dress, however, has filtered through to retail sites, which raises the question of where you’d actually wear something like this in real life. OK, the pose isn’t helping, but £3690 floor-length gowns generally say “black tie” to us, but even assuming you were to wear something underneath the chiffon top, this doesn’t seem like the kind of thing you’d wear to your company’s annual ball, does it? (Seriously, DOES IT? If so, we want to work where people dress like this…)

Suspect # 3 | Leather stirrup socks

leather stirrup socks

[Buy them here for $1,290]

Leather stirrup socks: another item we’re going to file under “things that don’t need to exist.”

Suspect # 4 | The Strange Skirt

strange skirt

[Buy it here for £237]

We’ve no idea what’s going on with this skirt, but we do know it’s the last one available, so if your hips are your best bit, and you really want to get them noticed, you know what to do.

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4 Comments

  • March 28, 2014

    Sharon

    On the first one, I’m thinking the shredder got bored with taking pieces out of the center of the dress and is now chopping off one leg. Number two–just too awful! Aside from the strange ruffles, the skirt color makes this especially unpleasant. Of course, the skirt needs to be open to show the matching ruffles on the shoes. Blech! Number three—maybe this is for people who don’t want the heaviness of a thigh boot? Or, (scary thought) who intend to make their shoes look like boots? They must be worn with something—what? Whatever the target audience, although it won’t ride up from the bottom, it will slide down from the top. Comfortable, eh? Number four–now this is interesting. It looks like the top (?)has been gathered for the hip fans and yet is attached to the skirt held up by a belt. Maybe this skirt is for those ladies who buy the girdles with the built in bum and hip pads. Arrest all subjects–no bail.

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  • March 28, 2014

    lizvocal

    The designer of the last one obviously spent a little time waiting tables at a fancy restaurant and missed making the napkin fans.

    Number one was not at all what I imagined from the words ‘tuxedo dress’. I love all things tuxedo, including black and white cats, but this bears no resemblance to that timeless classic. This is an abomination.

    Agree with Sharon – no bail for any of these.

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  • March 28, 2014

    EvaNadine

    Zendaya wore dress #2 to the Grammy’s this year and made all kinds of Best-Dressed lists. I’m floored as to how that could happen.
    (See evidence here: http://jonesmagazine.com/content/lifestyle/1794/stylist.law.roach.talks.zendaya%E2%80%99s.best.dressed)

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    • March 31, 2014

      Claudia

      I must admit it looks better on Zendaya then in the picture above – but still…

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