Trousers/Pants

      William Okpo knotted pants

      Get Knotted

      It’ll soon be shorts season, folks, but we’re not quite there yet, which means many of us are in search of the perfect transitional pieces, to wear now AND wear later in the season: William Okpo knotted pants, $210 Er, these pants aren’t it, by the way: these are just perfect for people who can’t make their minds up whether to wear shorts or pants. Or who really, really like their thighs, and want the world to know it. Faustine Steinmetz destroyed denim jacket, $1,320 The more destroyed something is, and the less wearable it is, the more expensive it is. So, if a denim jacket, say, looks like a denim jacket, and performs the basic functions of a denim…

      ball-of-fire-shorts

      The Ball of Fire Shorts

      Ball of Fire Shorts, $535 For once, we’re speechless. It’s… a pair of sports shorts with what appears to be some long, white hair attached to the crotch. And it’s $535. We’ve seen a lot of truly inexplicable items of clothing in our time at The Fashion Police, but this is up there with the strangest of them. The designer, Bernard Willhelm, calls this piece, ” a perfect failure”. We’d say at least one of those words is true: it’s up to you to decide which one. Before we  finish this post, let’s just take a few moments to remember this skirt: Ripped denim skirt, £96 Poor thing. It used to be just an ordinary denim skirt – one you’d…

      Vedder shorts

      Eddie Vedder has a lot to answer for

      [The Vedder Shorts: Buy them here for $495] We should probably begin this post by issuing a public apology to Eddie Vedder, who, of course, had absolutely nothing to do with these shorts. (Because, yes, those are shorts: the model isn’t just wearing a flannel shirt tied around her waist. Why would she do that, when she can pay almost $500 instead to just LOOK like she’s wearing a shirt tied around her waist?) He does seem to have in some way inspired them, however – at least, that’s what we’re assuming from the name (They’e called ‘The Vedder Shorts’), and the fact that they appear to be some kind of homage to the grunge scene of the 90s, of which…

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      The 70s REVIVAL WILL BE WORSE THAN WE THOUGHT

      1  /  2 We’ve talked a lot this year so far about the ongoing 70s revival in fashion, and our fears for where this trend might take us. Every time we’ve contemplated the 70s comeback, we’ve crossed our fingers and hoped it might just be OK. We’ve been hoping for an ‘Ali McGraw in Lovestory’ version of the 70s, or a Bianca Jagger-inspired one, say. It’ll never be our favourite fashion era, for sure, but that doesn’t mean it can’t work, if it’s done right: many of our issues with 70s style, after all, are purely questions of personal taste, which is, of course, entirely subjective. We may not like all of the styles that are resulting from this trend,…

      ripped jeans

      Please make it stop.

      This is a joke, right? Please, someone tell us this is a joke: we’re not sure we can handle the idea of a world in which people will willingly hand over £116 in order to wear jeans that look like they’re only just managing to hold themselves together. Seriously, if you really MUST make yourself look like this, at least rip up an old pair of jeans you no longer have any use for: it still won’t look good, but at least it won’t feel like taking your money and throwing it down the drain. In comparison to the above, that whole ’70s-revival’ we’ve been talking about is actually starting to sound pretty good. Oh no, sorry, our mistake: it’s…

      silk harem jumper

      Three pairs of pants you couldn’t pay us to wear

      BLACK MESH JOGGERS, $60 As far as we can tell, the sole purpose of these jogging pants (and drop-crotch jogging pants, too! All our least-favourite things, together in one garment!) is to provide a support-system for the two giant pockets which are clearly visible through the mesh fabric. We have no idea why the people who buy these wouldn’t just attach a couple of pockets to a long piece of string and drape it around their necks: it would create more or less the same effect, after all. WRINKLED PANTS, LONG SLEEVES This outfit breaks two of our most fundamental laws of style: 1. Buy clothes that fit you: or have them tailored, if they don’t. 2. IRON YOUR PANTS…

      dungaree shorts

      Shorts + Dungarees = Crime of Fashion

      [Buy them here] It’s hard to imagine the thought process that goes into creating something like this. By that, we mean, it’s hard not to imagine it going something like this: IMPORTANT FASHUN DESIGNER: “Hmmm, I think I’ll design a pair of dungarees. Dungarees have never been cool, so, in making them, I’ll enable people to brag about wearing a “difficult” piece of clothing, and that will make them seem really hip and experimental, because they’ll be eschewing the usual “rules” of flattering your figure etc, and wearing something that indicates they don’t give a crap about how they look. Which will make them look even MORE hip and edgy. Then I will be the designer who made dungarees fashionable,…

      ugly-trousers

      Help fight these terrible trouser crimes

      Please note, Fashion Force: this is not a drill. These are not simply expensive Halloween costumes – even although they look like they are. These are actual fashion items, designed to be worn in your day-to-day life. Tell us, though: would you wear these? [Buy them here for £432] It’s testament to the length of time we’ve been in the fashion crime-fighting business that our first thought upon seeing these wasn’t, “OMG, see-through pants!” but “Well, at least they’re not TOTALLY sheer…” And they’re not. There are some embroidered sections to, er, protect your modesty. Just make sure you wear your best undies with them: we’ll know if you don’t. [Buy them here for £165] We’ve been fighting the good…

      ZARA autumn 2014

      Trends on Trial | Baggy Trousers

      This season, ZARA is carrying a lot of stuff like this: All items: ZARA And, OK, they’re not all “baggy”. Not exactly. Some are just stretchy. And have obviously been victimized by our old enemy, The Foot Snatcher.  Others, meanwhile, look a lot like sleepwear, or yoga pants, or some other kind of “not necessarily intended to be worn as a fashion statement… or as outdoor clothes” garments. These ARE meant to be worn out of doors, and they’re quite a departure from the usual round of super-skinny jeans and leggings-as-pants which have reigned supreme over the fashion world for years now, so we naturally want to know what you think of them. To take the case for the defence…

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      Fashion Crimes: The ‘That Can’t Be Comfortable’ Edition

      There are two types of fashion crime in the word: the clothes we wouldn’t want to wear because of the way they LOOK, and the clothes we wouldn’t want to wear because we just can’t imagine ever feeling comfortable in them. Sometimes the discomfort is the literal kind: Leather square gusset shorts, $510 Leather shorts don’t strike us as particularly comfortable at the best of times (IS there a “best time” for leather shorts, we wonder? ), but leather SQUARE GUSSET shorts? Nuh-uh? Even if that leather is the buttery-soft variety, can you imagine walking around with all that bunched-up leather between your legs? (Sorry, there just wasn’t a non-vulgar-sounding way of putting that…) Even worse that these are shorts, so…

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      The Emperor’s New Fendi Trousers

      Well, whaddya know: it looks like our old friend The Emperor got himself some new trousers! [Buy them here for £136] It’s hard to be sure just from the evidence before us, but we THINK what we’re looking at here is a pair of tights, with a useless, totally sheer skirt attached to them. Which is awesome, because how many times have you been getting dressed in the morning and thought to yourself, “If only these tights had a flo0r-length, almost-invisible skirt attached!” SO many times. But actually, no, no times at all. We can’t even IMAGINE thinking that. We’re not sure why anyone would? Oh, and we also think what we’re looking at here is the model’s bare ass….

      ASOS awkward length trousers

      Even ASOS think these trousers are an awkward length: would you wear them?

      ASOS awkward length trousers, £35 When these trousers first appeared on the ASOS website yesterday, the product description called them “awkward length trousers”: in fact, they’re still described that way in the Google search: Awkward. Since then, however, they’ve changed the description, and now simply describe them as “cropped trousers in tropical Hawaiian print”. Which is a little less… awkward. Well, we guess it doesn’t make great business sense to describe your own products as “awkward”, although there’s no doubt that this is a length many people would agree is, indeed, somewhat difficult to wear. Why? Well, it’s a length that hits right at the widest part of the calf, thus drawing the eye straight to it: if you have…

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      Daylight Robbery? Manish Aurora’s £500 sequined leggings

      Sequinned leggings, £541 at Louisa Via Roma First up, these aren’t actually £500: phew! Nope, they#re £540. D’OH. (For the benefit of our US readers, that’s somewhere in the region of $900. Yes.) Also: these aren’t actually leggings. Louisa Via Roma have, for reasons best known to the themselves, neglected to provide a full-length photo of the suspect (Because we don’t know about you, but when we’re spending £500+ on a pair of leggings, we totally don’t feel the need to actually see what we’ll be getting for our money. No way, we’ll just hand over that credit card, and trust in the designer fashion Gods to make everything OK…), but from what our detectives can gather, they appear to…

      crimes-of-fashion

      Fashion Crime Friday |Ugly pants, under arrest

      This week’s Fashion Crime roundup has a ‘Terrible Trousers’ theme. “Terrible in what way, Fashion Police?” we hear you ask. Well, let’s take a look… Suspect # 1 | The ‘2 Become 1’ Pants [Buy them here] You all know by now how we feel about Stuck Together Clothes Crimes, but we don’t think it gets much worse than when a pair of drop-crotch sweatpants (At least, we THINK they’re drop-crotch. It’s hard to tell when they’re designed to look like they’re permanently falling down…) is stuck to a pair of acid-wash jeans. The only thing worse than that would be if… nope, actually, we were right the first time: there’s NOTHING worse than that. And while SOME Stuck-Together-Clothes Crimes…

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      Just when we thought leggings-as-pants couldn’t get any worse…

      Murmur stretch leggings, £117 And they’re £117, too. That seems reasonable for a pair of glorified tights, no? No? In fairness, there’s really nothing to suggest that these leggings will ever be worn as pants. Well, nothing other than the small fact that leggings ALWAYS seem to end up being worn as pants these days, don’t they? And also the fact that if you were shopping from this brand, you might find yourself tempted to wear them with this: Murmur t-shirt, £91 Awesome: a t-shirt that’ll make everyone briefly think that someone’s reaching up to play with your… peaches. Or whatever that’s supposed to be in the disembodied hand. Want to take a closer look? Here you go: Murmur jersey…

      ugliest trousers of 2013

      The Ugliest Trousers of 2013

      Happy Friday, everyone! We hope you had a good Christmas if you were celebrating, and that you’re enjoying the holiday season. Our officers are currently responding to fashion emergencies only, so today we’re continuing our look back at the fashion crimes of 2013, with a roundup of some truly terrible trousers. Trousers account for a large section of the Fashion Police jail, and rather than attempting to sort them into their various categories, we’ve decided simply to lump them all together: ugly pants, united in crimes. Trousers, leggings, shorts, jumpsuits – if it has two legs, basically, and we arrested it in the past year, you’ll find it here. Oh, except for jeans. Jeans have their own section of the…

      “Tail Trousers” by Doriane Van Overeem: exactly what they sound like

      “Tail Trousers” by Doriane Van Overeem, $585 We were going to keep these for our regularly scheduled “Fashion Crime Friday” post, but they’re just so mind-blowingly awesome we thought they deserved a Fashion Police Crime File all to themselves. These suspects go by the name of “tail pants”. They’re pants with… tails. But you got that, didn’t you? The “tails” in question are simply the legs of the pants themselves, which have been extended far (far, far…) below the ankle, or even the foot, and which continue on, trailing along the floor behind you in what Opening Ceremony describe as a “regal” fashion. Which is certainly ONE way to describe these, we have to give them that. Our first concern…

      fancy-pants

      Fancy Pants | Trousers get all dressed up

      L-R: ASOS trousers in floral jacquard | Banana Republic Camden fit gold skinny ankle pants | J Crew Collection cafe capri pants Something strange is going on in the world of trousers. And it’s probably J Crew’s fault. It’s been happening for a while, actually. It’s almost as if trousers are tired of being the boring old backbone of many an outfit: now they want to be the STAR. They don’t want to be black, or grey, or navy, or any other dull, block colour. No, trousers want to shine: literally. Brocade. Jacquard. High-shine gold and silver. Tile print. Embroidery. You name it, trousers are ON IT – or ITS on THEM, rather. This new breed of trouser is bold, colourful, and nothing like your…

      trousers

      Fashion Crime Files | Terrible Trousers

      Trousers. So easy to get right. But also, apparently, so easy to get catastrophically WRONG. This week our officers have been policing the world of pants, and here are a few of the suspects they’ve brought in to our trouser unit for questioning:   Jean Paul Gaultier, £877 Ah, the Half-Pant! Part totally sheer legging, part baggy combat trouser! Well, some morning’s you just can’t decide, and thanks to this ingenious item, you don’t half to! The only thing that would make this better would be if the model was wearing two different shoes, to match the two different legs of her trousers. Heroes in a Half-Pant!   Comme des Garcons, £672 Is that a growth on the leg of…

      pensi-pants

      Penis-print leggings: not safe for work, obviously.

      These leggings might LOOK relatively innocent, hanging there all in a row like that, but the title of this post should be a good indication that if you’re at all likely to be offended by the sight of lots of little penises, all over a pair of pants, you should probably look away now, because they’re ready for their close-up. Are YOU ready? Here you go: Yep, they’re penis pants, folks. And if you’re wondering what you’d wear with them, look, there’s also a penis-print scarf, and a penis-print top. If you’re simply wondering why they exist, on the other hand, we’re afraid we can’t help you with that. Maybe this site will have the answers? [source]

      selection of fashionable boiler suits

      Trend Trial: Boiler Suits

      “The boiler suit trend”: now THERE are some words we hoped never to have to write. It’s happened, though. Boiler suits are being deemed a “hot trend” for the summer, which means we find ourselves in the expected position of having to ask you… Boiler suits, ASOS Before we looked at these images, we’d automatically have dismissed boiler suits, not as a crime of fashion, necessarily, but as something we would never want to wear. (Unless we were actually, you know, boiling…) After looking at the images, however… we’re STILL dismissing them as something we’d never, ever want to wear. Especially the denim version, which is just too ‘Dexy’s Midnight Runners’ for words. You are not us, though, and for…

      leggings

      Closet Heroes: Leggings

      A closet hero is an item of clothing which, once purchased, quickly becomes indispensable to its owner. Here at TFP, we don’t believe that there are particular items which “every woman” should own: we’re all too different to need or want exactly the same clothes. We do, however, believe that most people have their own closet heroes, and in this regular column, we’ll be sharing some of ours: and hopefully some of yours, too…. Leggings: ASOS If you’d told us a few years ago that we’d one day be describing leggings – LEGGINGS – as a “closet hero”, we’d probably have laughed in your face. Actually, though, we weren’t the least bit surprised when they came up in the list of suggestions…

      leggings

      Crime of Fashion? Spiked cutout leggings from Forever 21

      A couple of days ago, this suggestion popped into our ASK.fm inbox: Well, your wish is our command, so… Leggings, £14.95, Forever 21 Um, yeah. We honestly don’t know what’s strangest about these leggings: the fact that they have cut-outs at the knees (and ONLY at the knees), or the fact that those cut-outs are surrounded by spikes, making the knees in question look like they’re inside some kind of strange, Venus fly-trap… try to touch them and those spiked jaws will slam shut, probably cutting off your finger in the process. Or that’s what WE think when we look at them, anyway. We’ve had a LOT of caffeine already this morning, though. A LOT of caffeine. We’re obviously very…

      60s-style floral jumpsuit

      Would you wear… Moschino’s 60s-style jumpsuit?

      So, 60s style is back in fashion, just in case you hadn’t noticed. And while some brands are choosing to embody the spirit of the 60s in a fairly subtle way –  a mini skirt here, a graphic print there, a pair of clumpy platform shoes everywhere – others are taking a far more literal approach: This is by Moschino, it’s £852 (about $1,300), and, well, it’s a whole lot of look, to put it mildly. A whole lot of look that we really can’t imagine anyone pulling off, outside of a costume party.  If you actually WERE going to a costume party, of course, this would be awesome (Or it would be if it was as cheap as any…

      harem shorts with one leg longer than the other

      Puzzling Pants: Help us solve these trouser mysteries…

      Some of them are straight-up ugly, and some are just plain… strange. Here’s a quick round-up of some of the most puzzling pants Yoox.com currently has to offer: your assistance in helping us solve the mystery of why these exist and who’s actually buying them would be very much appreciated… Guess by Marciano harem shorts, £120 We’ve always said that if an item of clothing looks like a ready-made wardrobe malfunction it’s probably a crime of fashion. These shorts make the model look like she’s got some unfortunate kind of “clothing tucked into knickers” thing going on, which, apart from LOOKING bad, must just be SO uncomfortable. Wouldn’t it feel odd, walking around with one trouser leg hiked up to…

      skinny-black-pants

      Closet Heroes: Skinny black pants

      Thanks to all of your suggestions on our first Closet Heroes post, we now have a growing list of awesome items to feature. We’ll be doing our best to work our way through as many “hero” items as we can, but today we’re focusing on a suggestion from Fashion Police reader Spiky, which we just so happen to wholeheartedly agree with: skinny black pants. Spiky said: “I work in an office environment, and for me it’s my skinny black pants. I get the Really Skinny trousers from Gap.” It’s definitely true that these trousers can be indispensable for those who have a formal or semi-formal working environment, and need to look smart every day, but skinny black pants can be adapted…

      fries

      You want fries with those leggings?

      Nothing hits the spot quite like a good ol’ burger and fries, does it? You know what they say about fatty, fried, food, though: a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips! And in this case, those fries you just ate will  LITERALLY appear on your hips! Both items: ASOS Do you love junk food enough to actually WEAR it, officers? Because we’d take the ACTUAL burger off your hands, sure, but when it comes to getting dressed, we’d rather clothe ourselves in something else. Like, oh, we don’t know, maybe popcorn? Everyone loves popcorn, right? Especially this girl: In fact, this girl loves popcorn so much it makes her want to jump for joy: Sweatshirt & leggings:…

      three pairs of printed trousers

      Three Things: Printed trousers

      Forever 21 // Topshop // Zara Printed trousers appeared on the style scene a couple of seasons ago, and while some of you loved them, and were more than happy to pledge allegiance to our new printed pant overlords, others were reluctant to accept that they’d be expected to walk around with patterned legs all summer long. We understand both points of view, but in recent months we’ve found ourselves coming down in favour of the printed trousers. They make a nice change from jeans, and if you find the right print they can also be a slightly warmer alternative to skirts and dresses on those chilly summer days we tend to get here in the frozen north of the UK….

      black leggings with padded sections on legs

      Crime of Fashion: Robot leggings

      We thought the fringe leggings we arrested this morning would be the worse thing we’d have to show you today, but then we stumbled across these at Nasty Gal, and thought for a moment that it was April 1st all over again: This is no joke though, officers: those really are a pair of black leggings with knee-holes. Oh yeah, AND THE REST. “The rest” in this case takes the form of those strange, silver padded sections attached to the legs: Nasty Gal call them “robot leggings”. Which is certainly one way to describe them, although we’re sure you can think of others. They even managed to distract us from the shoes, and that’s no mean feat. While we’re on…

      fringeleggings

      Fringe leggings, revisited

      We’ve discussed the existence of fringe leggings before, but we figured these ones deserved a special mention, not just because of the leggings themselves, but because of the styling of the whole outfit: They’re basically My Little Pony’s leggings, aren’t they? As in, if My Little Pony ever decided to wear clothes, multicloured pastel print leggings with manes of their own would probably be high on its wish list. These Bitching & Junkfood creations were presumably high on someone else’s wish list, too, because they seem to have sold out at ASOS, despite their bes efforts to put people off, by styling them with a fishnet top, neon bra, and chunky platform boots, which are either made by Jefferey Campbell…