Crimes of Fashion, Knitwear

The Creepiest Shirt in the World: official

“Oh, look!” we thought. “Net-a-Porter has started showing some of the clothes on headless mannequins! How weird!”

Folks, that’s not a mannequin. And it’s thankfully not a model with her head missing.

Those are gloves.

And they’re attached to the sweater.


The first one, of course, is why on earth you’d WANT a pair of gloves attached to your sweater? Yes, they’re detachable – THANK GOD they’re detachable – but then, what’s the point? Why make them, er, attachable in the first place? Why not just sell them separately? Who, after all, needs to wear elbow-length gloves indoors? Surely if it’s cold enough for gloves, it’s too cold to be out in just a sweater, in which case you’d actually want your gloves to be attached to your COAT instead, otherwise how would you fasten it up while wearing gloves?

(We’re kidding. You don’t need gloves attached to a coat do you? You’re not three, after all.)

Also, though: these are presumably supposed to be flesh-coloured, which is why they’re so creepy. What if your flesh ISN’T that colour, though? Most people’s won’t be, after all, and those people whose flesh isn’t an exact match for the gloves will look like they have SOMEONE ELSE’S ARMS ATTACHED TO THEM.

AAAARGH! Someone please make it stop, it’s just too Silence of the Lambs for words!

Just say you DID decide to wear this, though. You know what would be perfect with it?

A pair of Prada’s prosthetic leg pumps! We’re going to have to go and lie down in a darkened room for a while now…

If you do happen to like the sweater, it’s by Maison Martin Margiela (why are you not surprised?) and it’s £825. No, that’s not a typo. Click here to buy it.


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