Fashion Crime Files | Terrible Trousers

Trousers. So easy to get right. But also, apparently, so easy to get catastrophically WRONG. This week our officers have been policing the world of pants, and here are a few of the suspects they’ve brought in to our trouser unit for questioning:

JeanPaul Gaultier trousers with one sheer leg


Jean Paul Gaultier, £877

Ah, the Half-Pant! Part totally sheer legging, part baggy combat trouser! Well, some morning’s you just can’t decide, and thanks to this ingenious item, you don’t half to! The only thing that would make this better would be if the model was wearing two different shoes, to match the two different legs of her trousers. Heroes in a Half-Pant!



Comme des Garcons, £672

Is that a growth on the leg of these trousers? Because you might want to get that checked out, if so…

Rick Owens harem pants

Rick Owens harem pants, £319

This suspect appears to be wearing some kind of strange cross between an adult diaper and a pair of men’s underpants. The saggy ass and sheer fabric would’ve made this an automatic arrest for us, but if you look closely, you’ll see that the legs of this… garment… are unhemmed, which makes the £319 price tag even harder to understand. We’re charging this one with Daylight Robbery as well as crimes of fashion.

fur legged trousersYeti-leg trousers, £150

We’re pretty sure we’ve arrested either these, or something very like them, before, but darn it, if those prisoners don’t keep escaping our clutches! These “Yeti Legs”, as we call them, are now back on the market, for the bargain price of £150. They look… like they’d be very warm in the winter. That’s really the most we can say about them, though.

This is obviously just a small selection of the terrible trousers that are out there right now, so please, Fashion Police officers-in-training: stay vigilant, keep an eye out for potential fashion infringements, and if you think you’ve spotted one, don’t forget to call The Fashion Police!


  • September 5, 2013


    Now that last pair…nope, still no. But I might wear a pair of sable leg warmers if the weather was cold enough.

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  • September 7, 2013


    Those harem pants are perfect for the supertrendy homeless-look, they even look a little dirty already.

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  • September 23, 2013

    Judith Brunner

    they are all absolutely ghastly, can’t decide which is worse, the chef’s pants with a huge wart on the side, the baggy, grotty underpants, or the wierdo see-through one side and longer on the other, does anyone really buy and wear any of this stuff

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