ugly trousers

too long trousers

The Foot Snatcher Strikes Again

It’s been a while since we heard from our old enemy the Foot Snatcher, who, as you will recall, sneaks around the fashion world, stealing the feet of helpless fashion victims, and leaving them looking like their legs got chopped off at the ankle. Say what you like about skinny jeans, but they’ve certainly helped keep the Foot Snatcher at bay. At first glance, we thought this was another Foot Snatching crime in action. On closer inspection of the evidence, however, we can just see the toe of this model’s shoe peeking out from the hem of her trousers, so we can stand down the alert. Really, though, this image is just an excuse to show you how ugly these…

ugly trousers

Worse than harem pants?

There’s just nothing right about this picture, is there? We could stare at it all day, in fact, and we still probably wouldn’t find even one thing to like. Not the baggy crotch. Not the uncomfortably-thick looking wool flannel. Not the excessive number of pockets (seriously, who NEEDS that amount of pockets), including that strange little one over the groin area. Not the £253 price tag. Nothing. Can you see any redeeming features in these? Would you wear them? [Buy them]

Skirts and Pants Collide at Opening Ceremony

It’s like a modesty panel for your crotch, isn’t it? And, you know, if it was a FULL skirt, it might be… no, scratch that: it wouldn’t be OK. Full-skirt or half-skirt, The Fashion Police remain firm on our original ruling: SKIRTS AND PANTS DO NOT MIX. Either wear skirts, or wear pants. Your butt does NOT need a curtain, people, we promise you: Say no to Butt Curtains! We’re begging you! These are by Opening Ceremony and will set you back $255. Click here to buy them.

Comfort-free comfort-wear: denim jogger jeans

All the ugliness of joggers combined with all the stiff discomfort of jeans – yes, River Island, we can see where you were going with this one… Oh no, wait, we’re lying. What we meant to say was WHY?? Denim jogger jeans: £44.99 per pair from River Island

Legs like tree trunks: Roberto Cavalli’s Palm Print silk pants

We’ve heard of camouflage, but if you’re wearing silk in the rainforest, we imagine snipers are the least of your worries… Though in fairness, if you’re dressed in these astonishing palm pants by Cavalli there’s a good chance The Fashion Police have sent the special ops unit after you! We’re not sure what we like best least about these pants. Whether it’s the nauseating green hue, the tassled tie that falls oh-so-suggestively at crotch-level, or the leaf fronds around the waist, perfect for drawing attention to the afore-mentioned tassles… Or, perhaps the fact that it comes with – drumroll please – a matching top!

Gareth Pugh’s “skirt trousers”: excellent for superheroes

We should probably begin this post by pointing out that it wasn’t us who decided to christen this garment “skirt-trousers” : that title comes direct from Louisa Via Roma, or perhaps from Gareth Pugh himself, who knows? Whoever coined the term, though, we think they got it wrong. These aren’t REALLY “skirt trousers”, are they? They’re “trousers with a curtain stuck to the back of them”. No, they are. We’re reminded here of the dress-up games we used to play as children. You know, when someone wears a net curtain on her head and calls herself a “bride”? Or when someone else takes that curtain, sticks it down the back of their pants and calls themselves a “superhero”. Yes, you’re…