Browsing Tag

ugly tops

Crimes of Fashion, Shirts & Tops

Crime of Fashion? Hard Edges Fringe Top

hard edges fringe top

Well, it looks like a lot of fun, we’ll give it that.

It.. doesn’t look much like a TOP, though, does it? Which is an issue. We’ve always believed that if an item of clothing doesn’t instantly LOOK like an item of clothing, and if it doesn’t fulfil any of the functions normally associated with items of clothing (Keeping you warm, covering your naked body, that kind of boring, old-fashioned stuff…) there’s a good chance we’re dealing with a crime of fashion.

In this case? We think there’s a pretty good chance we’re dealing with a crime of fashion here. Just in case you’re in any doubt about this, we present this important piece of evidence, in the form of the product description from Nasty Gal:

 “Looks awesome tossed over a mesh bra with high-waist skinnies!”

The prosecution rests.

 [Product Page]

Crimes of Fashion, Shirts & Tops

Crime of Fashion? Comme des Garcons cloud-shaped top

comme des garcons top

We know what you’re thinking. It’s kinda cool on the mannequin, it’s creative, it’s different, it’s “edgy”… maybe it looks better on a person?

Well, let’s see, shall we?

comme des garcons cloud top

Yeah. Well, rather you than us, we guess. Especially considering that this top costs $794, and looks like something a cartoon character would turn his nose up at. Edgy, though. Definitely edgy…

[Buy it]

Crimes of Fashion, Shirts & Tops

Straight-jacket style, with Maison Martin Margiela

Maison Martin Margiela sleeveless t-shirt

“Sleeveless t-shirt” is how Yoox.com describes these garments.

They’re wrong, though. They’re not REALLY sleeveless. Oh no, these have sleeves all right. It’s just… they’re attached to the sides on the shirts. So, if you decided to wear one of these, your choice would be to either:

a) Walk around with your arms plastered to your sides, straight-jacket style.

or

b) Free your arms, but have to walk around with those sleeves flapping against them all the time.

Getting dressed has never been so tricky, has it? Leave it to Maison Martin Margiela to take the basic t-shirt and make it “edgy”. And leave it to MMM, too, to take something that should be comfortable and easy, and turn it into the kind of item you just can’t WAIT to rip off at the first possible opportunity.

On the other hand, imagine how funny it would be to watch someone try to eat dinner with their hands in the sleeves! We’d pay to see that…

[Product Page]
Crimes of Fashion, Shirts & Tops

Spot the Difference, with Maison Martin Margiela

It may look like your little brother’s crappy home-made Halloween costume, but do not be fooled, readers: the item on the left of the image (you know, the one that just burned out your retinas?) is, in fact, a $316 shirt by Maison Martin Margiela.

OK, House of Margiela, YOU WIN. You are too powerful for us. There is no stopping you in your dastardly plot to take over the world with your increasingly bizarre fashion. Instead, we bow down before you. Let us all dress as vegetables from this moment on!*

Click here to buy it. (The shirt, that is, not the lettuce. Although, come to think of it, the lettuce will be cheaper, and will look much the same. Your call.)

(*Note: not really. We’re just messin’ with them…)

Crimes of Fashion, Shirts & Tops

Fashion Crime? Michael Van Der Ham silk top with partial cape

“Silk top with partial cape.” As soon as we read the second part of that sentence, we knew we were dealing with a potential fashion infringer. Seriously, if it had been a FULL cape, that would’ve been one thing. Maybe not a great thing, admittedly, but at least it would’ve been a whole top, with a whole cape. This, on the other hand… well, at first glance we didn’t have a clue which part of the body this was supposed to adorn, and that’s always a bad sign, isn’t it? As we’ve always said, if we can’t even work out what it is, we’re probably going to arrest it, just to be on the safe side.

The model shot helps clarify matters slightly:

Still doesn’t make us want to pay £655 for it, though. Does it have that effect in you? Or do you think it looks like a badly-hung curtain, too?

(Click here to buy it)

Crimes of Fashion, Shirts & Tops

Cheap Monday’s Duct Tape Top: no need for Nippits!

"Are you looking at my boobs? You'd better be!"

On the plus side, you’d never have to worry about wearing tit tape with this top, because, well, it comes already attached.

On the minus side, however…. actually, it’s basically just ALL a minus side, isn’t it? And OK, we guess you could always wear something underneath it, to make it a little more modest, but as that would defeat the whole purpose of the “Hey, look, I’m wearing nothing but duct tape over my nipples!” nature of this top, we’re not sure it’s what Cheap Monday intended.

Like it? It’s $50 at Karmaloop.