ugly jeans

skinny wide leg jeans hybrid

Can’t decide between skinny jeans and wide-leg jeans?

  Can’t decide whether to wear skinny jeans or wide-leg jeans? Well, now you don’t have to! With this cunning combination of skinny and wide, you can have the worst of both worlds: skinny from the front, slouchy from the back! They’re the mullet of the denim world, and they’re just £235 at Yoox.com. We think we’re going to call them “winny jeans”. WIde/skINNY? No? [Buy them]

skinny jeans with lattice sides

Crime of Fashion: Skinny acid-wash jeans with lattice sides

There are so many things wrong with these jeans we’re just amazed they’re not being worn with a pair of peep toe boots. Then again, perhaps the stylist figured the crime was such a blatant one, we wouldn’t need the Peep Toe Boot Rule to be able to identify it? Of all of the things that boggle our minds about these jeans, though, the one we keep coming back to right now is how much worse they’d look with blue-tinged, gooseflesh legs peeking out from the “lattice” part. Because how on earth could you wear them at this time of year without freezing your ass – and legs – off? [Buy them]

90s jeans

Cheap Monday tries to bring back 90s jeans

Cheap Monday describe these as “mega 90s jeans“. Now, it might just be us, but The Fashion Police lived through the 90s, and, indeed, wore jeans for much of that decade, and we don’t remember seeing many people walking around like this. Then again, The Fashion Police have never been edgy or “bang on trend”, so that might be why. And, OK, the high waistband is definitely very 90s. One thing’s for sure: if you weren’t a pear shape at the start of that decade, you would have been one by the end of it: or at least, until you took your jeans off, that is. It’s just… we don’t remember 90s jeans being this unflattering, can you? And if…

baggy jeans

Foot Snatcher Claims more victims at Zara

Oh, COME ON, Zara. Come on. Look, we know you like your super-long inseams. We know you do. We’ve also heard it said that you do it, not to annoy those of us who are less than 7″ tall (which is the height some of your clothes seem to be cut for), but because you want your customers to be able to hem their pants to the perfect length for them. Well, OK, we see where you’re coming from with that. There’s a lot to be said for having clothes tailored, and maybe if more people did it, we’d have fewer fashion criminals in our cells. The thing is, though, not everyone has the time/money/inclination to have everything altered. Sometimes…

too long trousers

The Foot Snatcher Strikes Again

It’s been a while since we heard from our old enemy the Foot Snatcher, who, as you will recall, sneaks around the fashion world, stealing the feet of helpless fashion victims, and leaving them looking like their legs got chopped off at the ankle. Say what you like about skinny jeans, but they’ve certainly helped keep the Foot Snatcher at bay. At first glance, we thought this was another Foot Snatching crime in action. On closer inspection of the evidence, however, we can just see the toe of this model’s shoe peeking out from the hem of her trousers, so we can stand down the alert. Really, though, this image is just an excuse to show you how ugly these…

Ugly jeans by D&G

Do our thighs look big in this?

Word to the wise, folks: when even the model looks like the lower half of her body has been stolen from someone else, it’s probably not a flattering look. Actually scratch that: when your jeans are tapered at the ankle, but voluminous in the thigh?  It’s DEFINITELY not a flattering look. Is it a crime of fashion, though? [Buy them | More ugly jeans from The Fashion Police]

polka dot and stripe jeans

Style Trial: River Island polka dot and stripe ankle grazer jeans

The Fashion Police love polka dots. We also love stripes. We’re not even averse to the odd bit of pattern-mixing, provided it’s done right. Are these River Island jeans the right way to mix patterns, though? With one spotty leg and one stripey one, they’re either the best of both worlds, or twice as ugly as they need to be, depending on your opinion. What IS your opinion on these? Are they innocent or guilty of committing crimes of fashion? [Click here to buy them]

drop crotch jeans

At least she won’t have to worry about camel toe

On a guy, we might have been grudgingly impressed that he actually needed all that room in the crotch. On a girl, though, we just like to amuse ourselves by imagining that if she removed these, her body would be exactly the same shape underneath. You can’t un-see it now, can you? This is why we’ve sworn to bring death to the drop-crotch. Humans just aren’t meant to be this shape, people! [Click here to buy them]

bloodstained jeans

Crime of Fashion: The Bloodbath Jeans

When the product description refers to “tie dye jeggings” you know it’s not going to be pretty – but nothing could have prepared our officers for the scene of carnage that met them when they were dispatched to investigate Denimocracy’s jeggings in the early hours of this morning. We don’t know what these jeans did to deserve the bloodbath they were apparently involved in, but we do know our officers will require counselling to allow them to come to terms with what they witnessed here. It’s a bloody mess, basically, isn’t it? [Product Page]  

Pyjama jeans for men

Pyjama Jeans: Now With Added Boxers

This dude is wearing his pyjamas. Yes, we know they look like a reasonably ugly pair of jeans, they are, in fact, pyjama jeans. “Well, what of it, Fashion Police?” we hear you say. “He’s in his own home, and it’s not like we’ve never heard of pyjama jeans before: and at least he’ll be able to wear them to the supermarket without being thrown out!” All of this is true. The pyjama jean, however, is the start of a slippery slope towards a life of fashion crime. Here is where that slope ends: Pyjama jeans… with built-in boxers. So you can have the LOOK of saggy, underwear-revealing jeans, without having to actually WEAR saggy, underwear revealing jeans. Quite why you’d want to…

jeans with fur pockets

Arrested: Dsquared ‘Kenny’ fur pocket jeans

DSquared2 apparently thought these jeans looked like a “Kenny”. We think they look like their wearer rolled around in roadkill, but maybe that’s just us: if you think it is, and you’re willing to pay £1000 to look like YOU rolled around in roadkill too, you can click here to buy these from Louisa Via Roma.

Jeans with print on legs

Denim Crimes: 90s style jeans by Seven Paris

If you were alive during the 90s – and old enough to actually remember it – you may recall the terrible trend for cartoon-print jeans. Or, of course, you may have successfully managed to erase this memory from your mind, due to the sheer trauma of it. God knows, we’ve tried to. We may even have succeeded, too, if it wasn’t for the appearance of these “hilarious” jeans on our radar early this week. In addition to the high-waited style and dated stone wash, these also come with what looks like the words “BAM!” – although, honestly, it looks more like “PAM” to us. Who IS “Pam”? – and “WAOO!” printed on the leg. WE KNOW. Why would you want…

Cheap Monday jeans in black and blue

Black and Blue: Cheap Monday jeans for when you just can’t decide

Some days you want to wear black jeans, and some days you want to wear blue jeans. And some days you want to wear black jeans AND blue jeans, and you’re just not willing to choose one over the other. Those are the days you turn to Cheap Monday, and their jeans which are both black AND blue, like a bruise. Or like the 80s, because that’s not so much “blue” as it is “marble wash”. So, basically, you’ll have one leg in 1987, and the other in 2011. Isn’t that the dream? If it’s your dream, click here to view them up close. If it’s NOT your dream, just be grateful we got to them before they could cause…

Fashion Police Top Five: Ugly Jeans

The Fashion Police jail is just crammed full of ugly items of clothing, some of which our new readers may never get to see, they’re buried so deep in our archives (Which, you could argue, is where they truly belong). Today, though, we’re taking some of them out and letting them have a quick stroll around the exercise yard before locking them back up again. And we’re starting off with our ugly jeans section. Now jeans, as we’ve mentioned before, are one of those items which can be either very, very good, or very, very bad, with every little room for middle ground. So jeans are either perfectly unobjectionable, or as ugly as sin. Here, in no particular order, are five of the pairs…

Don’t Mess With Denim: Dolce & Gabbana’s lace jeans

We’re sick and tired of people trying to mess with denim. LEAVE DENIM ALONE, people. It doesn’t deserve it. Denim has done nothing to harm anyone. Well, except this girl, obviously: She’s certainly being damaged by denim. (Or rather WE are, because this image cannot be unseen now. Sorry.) It’s like it just up and attacked her one fine day, isn’t it? You could also argue, however, that it’s not denim which has damaged her, but her who has damaged the denim, and that she therefore has brought this upon herself. THIS is what happens when you mess with the natural order denim, readers.  Treat it well and it will treat you well in return. Take scissors to it and…

Turned up jeans: big enough for ya?

You know what we hate? What we really, really hate? The fact that so many pairs of jeans seem to be cut for people with the legs of a supermodel. And yes, we know we can have them hemmed. We know we can turn them up. But seriously, how many people in the world actually are supermodels? Surely not that many? That’s by-the-by, though. Because what we’d like to know is just who the hell Maison Martin Margiela had in mind when then made these jeans. Look, even the model has had to turn them all the way up to her knees! OK, we’re kidding. We know perfectly well that these were designed to be worn with turn-ups. And hey,…

What’s worse than marble-wash shorts?

Oh, for Gaga’s sake! Marble wash shorts with sheer tights? Really? We’re going to do that? Because we can’t imagine anything worse than that, really. Oh. Right. It’s like that, is it? Those shorts and tights are actually starting to look quite good now, aren’t they? (Click here to buy them)

Comfort-free comfort-wear: denim jogger jeans

All the ugliness of joggers combined with all the stiff discomfort of jeans – yes, River Island, we can see where you were going with this one… Oh no, wait, we’re lying. What we meant to say was WHY?? Denim jogger jeans: £44.99 per pair from River Island