You know when you wear your denim hotpants OVER your leather trousers? It can be kind of uncomfortable, can’t it? Thank goodness, then, for R13, who’ve solved the problem we didn’t even know we had, by creating this shorts/pants hybrid, which gives you all the, er, “style” of denim-shorts-over-leather-pants, without the discomfort of it. And all of sudden, the world is a better place, except not really, because seriously, WHO DOES THAT? Who wears denim shorts over leather pants? Or ANY shorts over ANY pants? And why would you want to pay £521 to do it?
We don’t know the answer to any of these questions. We do, however, know that this item is headed straight to Fashion Police jail: you can click here to liberate it.
For as long as we’ve been arresting Stuck Together Clothes, we’ve also been wondering what depths the designers of such items will be willing to sink too. So far, we’ve seen socks attached to shoes, shirts attached to jeans, underpants attached to sweatpants… there is no item of clothing, it would seem, which cannot be attached to something else. What’s the strangest example of Stuck Together Clothing, though? Well, we thing this t-shirt with attached bag – yes, BAG – has to be somewhere near the top of the list.
This is actually a three-way attachment, and possibly a four-way one. There’s a cardigan attached to the t-shirt, which is attached to the bag, which may or may not be attached to the scarf. In related news, there is no God: there just CAN’T be, or a mess like this wouldn’t exist.
We have so many questions here: how would you get it on, for one? How would you get it off? WHO CARRIES A TOTE BAG AROUND THEIR NECK? Why does it cost £520? OK, so that’s only four questions, but we think that’s more than enough for one item of clothing, don’t you?
We thought shants were over. we thought they’d packed up and taken themselves back to whatever circle of hell they sprung from, and that all the fashionistas would be sticking their noses in the air, swishing their hair and declaring them to be “SO last season!”
We were wrong.
This winter sees the Return of the Shant, (Shants 2: Return of the Shant. Run, don’t walk, from your favourite fashion criminal…) as evidenced by these ‘Barbara’ pants by Mike Gonzalez. It’s nice that Mike gave these a name. It’s … weird that he looked at some 70s-print sheer pants and thought, “Barbara! I shall name them Barbara!” They don’t really look like a ‘Barbara’, do they? Barbara sounds like a nice, pleasant, dependable kind of girl. Barabara would teach elementary school and bake pies every weekend, which she’d take round to her neighbours. Barabara wouldn’t dream of going out in public wearing sheer pants, her modesty preserved by only… another layer of sheer pants. One designed to look like shorts. Nope, Barbara would take one look at these pants and Barbara would CALL THE FASHION POLICE. That’s our girl! And that’s what you should do, too, readers. Do not allow shants to creep back into our lives! Remember how bad it got last time? Close your ears to the the siren song of the $225 sheer pants: fight your way back from the world of the fashion victim!
Or, alternatively, click here, buy a pair, say, “What the hell, you only live once, right?” Right?
(P.S. Don’t think we haven’t noticed that these are committing a double crime: that of being Stuck Together Clothes. The Fashion Police see all…)
For some time now, the fashion world has been desperately trying to convince us all that the Texas Tuxedo is not the fashion-faux pas it was once thought to be, but, instead, is an “edgy” and “bang on trend” way to demonstrate your fashionista status.
The Fashion Police aren’t buying it. Literally, we mean. Seriously, the example above looks like something that man wore to fix our boiler last year. Happily, however, this is NOT actually an example of double-denim. It’s a jumpsuit, you see: it’s really just SINGLE denim made to LOOK like double-denim, in the form of a jacket attached to a coat. This, of course, means that we can get it on two counts at least – double denim AND stuck-together-clothes crimes, but if you can think of any additional charges, feel free to let us know!
This is currently sold out, but if you want to see more like it, you can do so at Yoox.com.
This is NOT a caped mini dress being worn with a pair of thigh-high boots, as amusing as that concept might be.
No, these are dungarees.
As in, the “thigh high boots” are actually leather chaps, which are attached to the “dress”, creating “dungarees”.
We feel like we’ve learned something today. For instance, we’ve learned there are people in the world who are willing to spend £1,690 on stuff like this. And that Maison Martin Margiela REALLY has a lot to answer for.
Yes, you heard us correctly. These are legwarmer leggings. Leggings with legwarmers knitted into them, if you will (though we rather hope you won’t). We suppose you could wear legwarmer over your leggings if you really must, but do you want them pulled right up to your knees? And won’t you want to take them off once the warmer weather arrives? We are arresting these for obvious reasons, to languish in Fashion Police jail and think about what they have done. (Or rather, what Plush have done in creating them in the first place.)
So JBNY, you think you’re being all quirky with your hand shaped pockets don’t you? But we’re not fooled. We know that this is just a stuck together crime of fashion. We suppose this could be useful if you have forgotten your gloves, at least until you needed to move your hands away from your body to actually do anything that is. Besides, who puts their hands in their pockets and spreads their fingers out like these pockets would force you to? If you do, and this cardi is just the thing that’s been missing from your life, you can buy it at ASOS for £215.
“Bondage shorts with removable bum bag”. There’s just nothing right about that sentence, is there?
There’s not much right about the shorts, either:
Why would you want a bag attached to your butt? It has a strap: why not use it? Where does bondage come into it? Where are the peep toe boots you’d obviously wear with these, in observance of the Peep Toe Boot Rule? Why are these cute shoes being paired with “bondage shorts with attached bum bag”.
So many questions, readers. If you have answers, feel free to share them. If you just want to buy these, click here to do it.
