shants

shant shorts

Crime of Fashion: The Shant Shorts

Introducing the Shant Shorts: part shants, part shorts, they’re the perfect solution for those days – and we all have them, don’t we? – when you really want to wear a pair of tiny little hotpants, but feel that sheer, lace leggings would be a little more appropriate. Wait, what are we saying? There’s really NEVER a time when sheer leggings are appropriate, lace or otherwise, is there? And while the addition of the shorts will certainly keep you safe from the actual police, we’re afraid you’ll still have to hide from our fashion force, because we most definitely consider these to be a crime of fashion. Now, who’s with us? [Product Page]

ugly sheer pants

Just when we thought shants couldn’t get any worse…

…Roberto Cavalli had to go and prove us wrong. Again. We’re guessing these totally sheer pants just weren’t quite revealing enough as they were, hence the need to cut giant holes in the hips. Because who WOULDN’T want to showcase their hips like this, framed by the flimsy, animal print fabric of a pair of shants? WHO, we ask you? And to think you can have all of this for the bargain price of £304, too! Walk, don’t run, people… [Buy them]  

sweater pants

Sweater Pants: not for shrinking violets

We just spent way too long looking at the close-up of these pants on Shopbop, in a bid to establish whether or not this model is wearing underwear. Way too long. We’re never getting that time back, people, but it’s OK: we stare at the model’s butt so you don’t have to . Conclusions: 1. Yes, she is wearing underwear. 2. Pants that prompt people to stare intently at your nether regions because they can see right through them are an automatic fashion violation in our book. You may not pass ‘Go’. You may not collect $200. Oddly, they look a little less see-through in white… Indah ‘Moreno’ sweater pants, $80.50 at Shopbop: click here to buy them.

Madonna wears see through pants

Madonna tries to bring back shants

Somehow, amidst all of the Fashion Week weirdness we’ve been witnessing lately, Madonna managed to get a pair of shants past our radar. Honestly, we take our eyes off her for ONE MINUTE, and she does this. And she was doing so well, too! TOO. MUCH. INFORMATION, Madonna. Rule of thumb: if we can see what colour the lining of your pockets is, your pants are too sheer. These pants fail to pass that test. Back to jail they go…

Shants Alert: Mike Gonzalez ‘Barbara’ print layered pants

We thought shants were over. we thought they’d packed up and taken themselves back to whatever circle of hell they sprung from, and that all the fashionistas would be sticking their noses in the air, swishing their hair and declaring them to be “SO last season!” We were wrong. This winter sees the Return of the Shant, (Shants 2: Return of the Shant. Run, don’t walk, from your favourite fashion criminal…) as evidenced by these ‘Barbara’ pants by Mike Gonzalez. It’s nice that Mike gave these a name. It’s … weird that he looked at some 70s-print sheer pants and thought, “Barbara! I shall name them Barbara!” They don’t really look like a ‘Barbara’, do they? Barbara sounds like a…

The Emperor’s New Bruno Pieters pants

You know, we’ve seen a lot of pairs of ridiculous shants in our time on the Fashion Police beat. But every time we see another pair – particularly a pair like the ones shown above – it still makes us want to do this: That’s why our electronics bill here at Fashion Police HQ is so high. And why we’re in therapy three times per week. These are an astonishing £291. The Emperor isn’t wearing any clothes. [Click here for the product page]

The Mystery of the Foil Joggers, by KTZ

OK, here’s the deal: if anyone can give us a plausible-sounding reason why you’d want to buy a pair of see-through jogging pants (complete with visible pockets and label: classy), we will BUY the aforementioned jogging pants, as a gift from The Fashion Police to you. Um, OK, not really. The ARE £130, after all, and we don’t really want to encourage this kind of thing. We’d still love to hear your reasons, though… (Click here to buy them)

Stolen Girlfriends Club sheer organza suit pants

Shants: now part of your suit

That’s right folks, Stolen Girlfriends Club are marketing these shants as suit pants.  Would they go down well at your office?  They certainly wouldn’t at ours!  We suppose we should be grateful that a) they put the ‘hot pants’ section at the top and b) there is no matching jacket (at least as far as we know).  In fact the model’s face says it all.  “Suit pants?” she’s saying.  “Are you insane?” What do you think though?  Would these be acceptable as part of a suit to you?  We’ve thrown them in Fashion Police jail for the time being, but bail is set at £280 if you want to release them and you can do that here.

Shakuhachi Day Tripper drawstring pant

Shant Spotting: Shakuhachi Day Tripper drawstring pants

Our initial thoughts upon seeing these Shakuhachi pants?  See through drawstring hammer pants.  Oh dear. A week later and we look at them again?  Yep, pretty much the same reaction.  It’s the peep toe boots rule though isn’t it?  The pants didn’t stand a chance. These pants are on pre-order and if you want to pay $220AUS for something that’s not really there (or may as well not be, for all the modesty they provide), then you can do that here.  But not if you wear anything larger than a UK12/US8 – they don’t make them any bigger than that.

Stone Cold Fox lace jagger bells

Shant Alert: Stone Cold Fox lace bell bottoms

Sometimes a product is so aptly named that we don’t need to say much else about it.  In this case, “Stone Cold” is appropriate because that is exactly what you will be if you wear these trousers (though they’re shants really, aren’t they?).  They are unlined so we can only assume that those are the model’s pants you can see.  Modelling is hard, people. Also: one size fits all?  Really Stone Cold Fox?  One size will fit a size 6 and a 14?  We don’t believe you. If you have $330 and you want to spend it on a pair of sheer lace pants, then be our guest.

Miss Selfridge animal wide leg trousers

Shants: Alive and well at Miss Selfridge

We were rather hoping that the shants trend had gone off and died a horrible death, as we had not been unfortunate enough to clap eyes on any examples of it recently.  Sadly, that has not proved to be the case and Miss Selfridge are attempting to revive the look for the new season, with this rather garish pair.  They are 100% polyester so we can’t begin to imagine the static cling that will be in store for your legs if you succumb and buy a pair. What do you think?  Are leopard print shants the one thing missing from your spring wardrobe that will make all the difference next season?  If so, you can buy these here for £45.

Tall and all sheer sparkle pants

Shants for Tall People: Tall and All to the rescue!

Are you a tall girl feeling left out by the influx of shants to the fashion world?  Dying to buy a pair but can’t find any in a long enough inseam?  Well mourn no longer: Tall and All have come to your aid!  Yes, the sheer sparkle pants are available in lengths from 35” to 40” so tall girls everywhere can show off their underwear when they go out. Now of course we’re not recommending you actually buy these pants, but it’s nice to know that the option is there, should you want it.  And don’t get us started on the silver lurex that these are made of. If you are tall and desperate to wear shants, you can buy…

Cordelia Animal Hotpant

Shants go short: Cordelia Animal Hotpant at Boohoo

Yes, they’re sheer. Yes, they’re animal print. Yes, they’re hotpants. Nope, they’re not underwear. We have commented on the proliferation of ugly or plain strange shorts of late. These are perhaps neither ugly nor strange, but definitely fall into the underwear as outerwear category. They will neither keep you warm nor cover your modesty – both characteristics we look for when choosing clothing we plan to wear out in public… On the plus side, these babies retail at a measly £12, leaving you plenty of cash to splash on a second pair of hotpants or even leggings to wear underneath! Available from Boohoo.com.

Harem Shants

Ugly Harem Pants of the Day: Armand Basi One Mesh Harem Pants

As harem pants go, these are far from the worst we’ve seen. In fact, in a Wear or Die type of situation, we may even find ourselves picking these over another pair of drop-crotches, purely because the “harem” part is made of mesh, and is therefore that little bit less noticeable than a regular ol’ saggy pant. Why does the mesh overlay exist then? You may well ask. But we wouldn’t be able to answer, because we have no idea why you’d need a pair of pants with another pair of pants (albeit sheer ones) sewn over the top of them. We’d also have to disappoint you if you were hoping to buy these, because they’re currently sold out at…

Shant Spotting: Kova & T lace bellbottoms

You see, this is what happens when you complain too much about  leggings and skinny jeans: some designers – and by “some designers” we mean “Kova & T” – will go too far in another direction in their attempt to create something different, and we’ll end up fighting a battle against lace bell bottoms instead. Call us crazy, but we’d rather have the leggings-as-pants, thanks very much. We’re relieved to see that this Shopbop model is at least wearing (or seems to be wearing) a tiny little thong with her shants, though, but let’s face it: we all know some people just won’t bother, and yes, Tara Palmer-Tomkinson, we ARE looking at you… Kova & T lace bell bottoms, $165

More shants! (Sheer pants, for the uninitiated)

You know, I’ve been having a bit of a crappy day today as I sit here at Fashion Police HQ feeling all sorry for myself in the wake of yesterday’s migraine. There is but one thing with the power to lift me from those Mean Reds, though, and that one thing is: SHANTS! Thank you, Greie, for designing this particulary chucklesome pair, and thank you Yoox, for seeing fit to dress your model in only these, a t-shirt and a pair of ballet flats, with nothing more to protect her modesty than the thin, peach coloured line that’s just about covering her bare crotch. Oh that poor girl… Well, one thing’s for sure: you’d definitely want to get yourself a…