Browsing Tag

menswear

Crimes of Fashion

Yoko Ono Fashions for Men 1969-2012

Yoko Ono Fashions for Men 1969-2012

This all makes sense once you realize it was designed by Yoko Ono. Seriously, if we’d had to guess, we’d have said either:

a) Yoko Ono

or

b) A 13-year-old schoolboy who didn’t realise the designs would be made into ACTUAL clothes.

Let’s investigate further:

man bra

The man bra. The perfect Christmas gift for the guy who has everything!

Yoko Ono menswear

We’re fairly sure that top is based on some graffiti we’ve seen on a wall near the Fashion Police HQ…

The Conservative Suit

This one’s called “The Conservative Suit”. The joke is that it’s NOT conservative. Oh, how your boss will laugh when you roll into the office with THIS on your ass:

Hand on ass

How we’ll ALL laugh, in fact. We can hear the “can I give you a hand?” jokes now, in fact.

We reckon it’d be a brave man who’d wear any of this. Do you know such a man? You can  buy everything featured at Opening Ceremony, if so…

 

Crimes of Fashion, Trousers/Pants

Modelling is Hard: Dungaree Edition

male model in dungarees

It’s tempting to think the problem here lies mostly with styling (and, perhaps, with the lack of ironing): or maybe that should be the lack of styling.

When you really sit back and take a look at it, though, can you see ANY way of styling these  in a way that would make them suddenly acceptable? Or suddenly worth spending more than £500 on? We can’t. But if you can, we’d sure love to hear your suggestions…

[Buy them]
Crimes of Fashion

Fashion Police for the Boys: Rick Owens Edition

We’re not normally ones to suggest that clothes should ever be joined together – heaven forbid! But even we have to admit that these

extreme harem pants

…might just look a tiny bit better if they were to magically be combined with this:

rick owens crewneck

It would still be a misdemeanor, of course, but at least we wouldn’t be sitting here desperately trying to resist making all the jokes that come to mind at the sight of that, er, package.

As for this, however:

rick owens down jacket

This is beyond our help. What’s the point of a down jacket without sleeves? Exactly.

Skirts

Men in Skirts: Rick Owens mens drawstring skirt

Men in skirts

We’ve long been of the opinion that as women are able to wear pretty much whatever they like, we can see no reason whatsoever why men shouldn’t be able to do the same, and slip into a skirt or dress every now and then, if they feel the need.

The “male skirt”, however, is a look that’s never really made it into the mainstream, so we were interested to see this one as part of Rick Owens’ current menswear collection.

Regardless of which gender wears it, we tend to think it’s a pretty ugly skirt, if we’re perfectly honest. What about you, though: can you see you/your guy rocking this? Think it’s a look that’ll catch on? And would you pay £450 for it, if so?

Click here to buy it if you would.

Crimes of Fashion

Sheer Shorts for the Boys

see-through shorts for men

It had to happen eventually, didn’t it? Women have been able to, er, enjoy, shresses and shants for years now, after all, so it’s only fair that men should be able to get in on the action too, with these sheer shorts by Mugler.

We could forgive these if they were underwear, of course. But we don’t think they are, because they’re polyurethane and that can’t be comfortable under a pair of jeans, say. Oh yeah, and because they’re $570, and who buys $570 underpants? Other than fashion victims, we mean?

So, guys, how do you feel about wearing shorts that will put either you or your underwear on full display? Want a pair? Then click here, and have your credit card at the ready…

Crimes of Fashion, Outerwear

Modelling is Hard: Kampe Menswear edition

strange outerwear for men

They had to balance on scary cubes. And they had to do it while wearing some of the most uncomfortable looking outerwear we’ve seen outside of a Margiela runway show. They did it for fashion, people. And they did it for YOU. Yes, these brave models wear the strange coats so you don’t have to. But perhaps you WANT to wear the strange coats? Well, the good news is that you can: these are by German label Kampe, and they’re not just concept pieces – they’re actually available to buy and wear over at Not Just a Label. Just be aware that you won’t get much change out of £1,000 – and for some of them, you’ll be needing much more than that.

Oh, and by the way: if you DO wear these, you don’t have to worry about The Fashion Police arresting you, because honestly, if we saw someone out in public in one of these, we’d be much more likely to just shake them by the hand, and give them a bite of our doughnut…

Crimes of Fashion

Modelling is Hard: Male Model Edition

Male models in ugly outfits

So, you thought female models had it tough, did you? All those sheer dresses, the boob windows, the harem pants. The struggle to keep a straight face while dressed in the type of outfit you wouldn’t even wear to a costume party. Yes, modelling is many things, but glamorous it ain’t. Or at least, not for most of the models we feature here on TFP.

Hard though it may be, though, those girls have it easy compared to the brave gentlemen chosen – or perhaps “sacrificed” would be a better word here? – to model the KTZ Winter 2011 collection. These poor guys just never stood a chance. Faced with such a startlingly ugly selection of clothing, they did what they had to do and they faced their fate with courage and dignity. We’d like to be able to say “they did it with a smile on their faces”, but, well, that would be a lie. For one thing, they’re MODELS and models DO NOT SMILE. For another, the facial expressions on these guys really say it all, don’t they?

We’d like to award these gentlemen The Fashion Police Medal for Courage in the Face of Adversity and Very Bad Fashion. Here’s why…

(Should you wish to purchase any of these outfits, you can do so here.)

Crimes of Fashion

What do you call cameltoe for men?

We call it “these Julien David pants“:

You can’t un-see it now, can you?

Want to know the saddest thing about this? They’re drop-crotch pants.You shouldn’t be able to get a cameltoe from a drop-crotch, should you? It’s the one thing – the ONE THING – that’s good about this particular “style”.

By some terrible cosmic irony, however, a dropped crotch can actually create the illusion of a cameloe where none exists, as in the example above. Or it can make an existing cameltoe much, much worse. We see you shaking your head at that. We’re going to make you wish you hadn’t doubted us:

(Note: the image over the jump may be NSFW. Or for eyes. Eyeball bleach at the ready folks, we’re goin’ in…)

Continue Reading

Crimes of Fashion, Trousers/Pants

Modelling is Hard: Male Model Edition

Poor guy.

No wonder he’s hiding his face, though:

You’d hide your face too if you were being made to wear these:

Adult diaper alert! And it looks like a pretty full one, too..

It’s not any better from the back, by the way:

Sexxxaaaayyy!

(Hands off girls, we seen him first…)

Modelling is hard, people. Won’t someone save these poor models?

[Click here to view or buy the clothes]

Crimes of Fashion, Trousers/Pants

Fashion Police for the Boys: Rodarte for Opening Ceremony lace suit


Lace isn’t a fabric you tend to see a lot of in menswear, but of course, there’s absolutely no reason why that should be the case. After all, we women get to wear whatever we like, so why should men be any different?

Our issue here, then, isn’t with the fact that the suit is made from lace. Indeed, we’re sure there are many occasions where a lace suit is just the thing. We just can’t seem to think of any at the moment. (Feel free to suggest some, though.)

No, our main concern here is that we can’t quite work out whether those pants are lined. Sometimes we think they are:

Exhibit A: Lace pants, possibly lined

That looks like a scarp of white lining at the knee, doesn’t it? Can you see it? And if there’s lining at the KNEE, why, then it stands to reason that there must be lining everywhere else. Whew!

Then again, sometimes we think the pants may NOT be lined:

Exhibt B: Butt cheeks, possibly bare

Yeeees. Not looking so certain now, is it? And here’s the thing: even if those pants ARE fully lined, and that bare butt we think we can see is but a figment of our over-active imaginations… Other people will think they see it too, won’t they? People in real life, we mean. And every time you walk into a room wearing your spiffy new lace suit, there will be just one question on everyone’s mind.

And it won’t be, “Hey, is that Rodarte for Opening Ceremony?” either. Well, maybe. We guess it depends where you work.

Want to buy this for either yourself or your guy? Just click here to do it.

Jeans

Fashion Police for the Boys: Levi’s Ex-Girlfriend (Super-Skinny) Jeans

For a long time now, we women have had the “boyfriend” jean. It seems only fair that there should be some kind of male equivalent to the “hey, look, I’m wearing my partner’s clothes!” look, and luckily Levi’s have made sure there is, with their “Ex-Girlfriend” jeans for men.

These are basically super-skinny jeans, almost like leggings in the narrowness of the leg and tightness of the crotch. The female version has been around for a while now (much to our readers’ dismay: super-skinnies didn’t find much favour here when we last featured them), but now we want to know what you think of the guy’s version?

Would you wear Ex-Girlfriend jeans, men? Would you like to SEE your guy in these, girls? Tell us!

(Oh, and click here if you want to buy them.)

Fashion Police Glossary, Trousers/Pants

Fashion Police Glossary: “Meggings” – male leggings

A couple of weeks ago, it was brought to our attention that ASOS.com is currently trying to encourage men to wear leggings: and no, we don’t mean “under trousers, when it’s really cold” or “under shorts, for long-distance running”, we mean every day. As fashion items.

Now, in the spirit of equal opportunity, The Fashion Police would have to say we can see no reason why men shouldn’t wear leggings if they so desire. If men DO want to wear leggings, however, we think they should abide by the same basic “rule” we ask women to observe. Yes, we’re talking about the Leggings Are Not Pants rule. Guys, this applies to you, too. Please don’t wear them as pants. It’s just too much information, trust us.

Of course, trust ASOS to have a solution to this issue. Here’s their suggestion for getting around the TMI issue created by “meggings”:

Ah, the metrosexual male! He’s like a little lost lamb there, isn’t it?

Is this the look you’re aiming for, men? Ladies, do you want to rip this guys clothes off? (And if so, is it just because you want to replace them with something other than meggings?) Click here to buy some meggings of your very own.

Crimes of Fashion, Trousers/Pants

Humor Santiago jeans: For men who wear nappies

Humor jeans santiagoWe are sad to report that the drop crotch trend (which refuses to die) has now spread to menswear.  Ladies, would you date a guy who looks like there’s a soggy wet nappy under his jeans?  No, us neither.  We can only assume that with a name like Humor, the brand is joking and these aren’t a real product.

What?  They are real?  Kill us now.

Gentlemen: you have been warned – purchase these at your dating peril.  If you must have them though, they are £75 at Unique Menswear.

Shoes

Fashion Police for the Boys: Rolando Sturlini Marshall zip boots – clown shoes for men

Wouldn’t you be afraid you were going to trip over in these, chaps?  Certainly viewed like this they bear more than a passing resemblance to clown shoes but on a foot they may well look different.  Has anyone seen these in person and tried them on?  And what do you think of them?  Gentlemen, would you wear them?  Ladies, would you like your man to wear them?  Strangely it seems the larger sizes are the ones that have been snapped up first, which we would have thought would make the turned up end look even more extreme.

If you wear a size 41 or 42 and want a pair of these, you can buy them here for the sale price of £85 (down from £169).